Few Things Encapsulate UND Arrogance Like The Shirt

Whenever you're one of the most arrogant (despite irrelevance) programs in any sport, you always seem to think it's okay to refer to your own traditions and commonplace activities with the royal "The" before it. Like with "The Shirt," Notre Dame's sad, sad tradition of creating a student section shirt every year, and then cobbling together 9th-grade caliber prose to promote it.

Consider this year's theme -- "Rise and Strike."

First off, rise from what? I thought UND was at the top of their game? Their bowl game domination over Hawaii propelled them to 7-6! And 10-15 over the past two seasons! Notre Dame is back, baby!

But look closer at the literary genius that some UND alum's slow-witted child (I'm just guessing) wrote:

If there is one thing that unites the global Notre Dame community, it is football.

Absolutely. Clearly, everyone is united in support of UND football.

With minds racing and hearts beating wildly, they watch every second of every game.

Well, maybe not every second of every game.

They rejoice in the unrestrained exhilaration of victory and solemnly embrace the humility of defeat.

Solemnly embrace? Yes, I think we can all agree, there's no one classier than a Notre Dame fan, especially after a victory. And when they lose, they're also very humble.

In many ways they are just as important to Notre Dame as the players they so passionately follow. For—with every snap, every pass, every tackle and touchdown—they band together with their football team to defend the honor of Notre Dame.

I'm sorry, I just got choked up a little. Will Rudy be making an appearance soon? "Defend on the honor of Notre Dame"? Was Notre Dame rubbed up on inappropriately by a frat boy in a disco? Who writes this drivel?

In truth, the honor of Notre Dame is equal parts academic and athletic. Few universities have as stellar an academic reputation as Notre Dame,

Not quite as stellar as they believe, of course.

and Notre Dame has many famed athletic programs, not the least of which is football.

Really? What's more "famed"? The women's basketball program? Softball? Clue me in here.

With eleven consensus national championships, seven Heisman Trophy winners, and 103 winning seasons in 121 years of football—Notre Dame definitely possesses a tradition of football excellence unmatched by any other university in the world.

Yes, with seven of the 11 championships coming before 1950. And 100% of them coming before almost anyone on the roster was born. Relevancy is fun!

However, the fans, students, athletes, and alumni of Notre Dame cannot forever hide behind that tradition of honor. In fact, if they do not defend that honor both on and off the gridiron, it will surely tarnish and fade.

This is pure gibberish. Like when a 9th-grader has to finish a report and is 30 words away from the minimum. Honor cannot "tarnish" or "fade." That's just stupid.

So Rise and Strike, loyal Notre Dame fans and alums. Like Charlie at the Pizza Hut lunch buffet.