How to Beat Tom Brady: Sweep the Leg

So how do you beat the most handsome quarterback on the planet? The guy who has thrown 50 TDs and has guys like Randy Moss, Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth to throw to?

Well, like so many times in life, we look the The Karate Kid for answers and wisdom. I mean, honestly, who among us hasn't turned to the higher plane of thinking reserved for old, Asian handymen and the teenager they spend inordinate amounts of time with? I know I, for one, never found anything wrong with Myagi giving Daniel a car for his birthday and rubbing his hands together and then placing them on Daniel's young, nubile body. It was love, people! The purest love that can only be felt between two males separated by fifty years.

Anyway, I digress. While it's been reported that Tom Brady had that walking boot on last week in New York, he's apparently practicing and will be fine for the game on Sunday. But did you see the play that is widely agreed to be the play Handsome Tom was hurt on? It came in the first series of the AFC Championship Game and damn if that didn't look like the very definition of a high ankle sprain. Apparently, a doctor who viewed it for ESPN said he's lucky he didn't break his tibia on the play. And after seeing it, I have to agree. Maybe Brady is a robot. That would explain a lot.

Either way, why are the Giants making any bones about what they should be doing? I don't care how quickly Tom released the ball. I don't care. It takes Moss at least a few seconds to sprint downfield. Put eleven in the box and come hard and fast every single play for the entire first quarter. I don't care if Tom hits his hot reads and has three 80-yard TDs. If you get to him successfully and "sweep the leg," you know what comes next? Matt Cassel.

Matt Cassel can't even wear his helmet correctly, as you can see from this picture. Mainly because Tom Brady is a robot who never misses time. In fact, the Patriots don't even issue Cassel shouder pads. This photo is an actual game photo from the waning seconds of one of the Patriots blowout wins against the Jets. You know what's on Cassel's wrist-thingie there? Directions for him to get home at night. And no, I don't mean like, "Left at Maple Street," I mean like, "put key in ignition; turn clockwise." Good lord, he can't even spell "Castle" correctly. You think this guy could handle the Giants pass rush?

All that's standing in the way of the G-men and the Super Bowl is Tom Brady's ankle. Or his leg. Or, hell, break his throwing arm, I don't care. Just get him off the field. And like I said, I don't care if you have to bring 11-man pressure. What woud you rather face? A full game of Tom Brady picking you apart or being down, say, 21-0 after one quarter but facing Matt Cassel the rest of the way?

That's what I thought. And the way to do that is for the Giants to remember that the Patriots are the Cobra Kai and the Giants are Daniel LaRusso. Weak, little Daniel LaRusso from Jersey... and honestly, how miscast was all of that crap? I'll tell you this, we punk-asses from Jersey aren't afraid of Cali boys, that's for sure. Especially blonde Cali boys. But whatever, I'm digressing again.

Point is, the Giants are from Jersey. Daniel was from Jersey. (Am I turning into the Sports Guy? I will not light myself on fire.) And the best way to take down the Cheatriots is to....

Sweep the leg.

(Jump to the 1:40 mark, for those impatient among you. And if you're too young, well, go away.)