The Adventures of Pickles and Chuckles

Today we present a sprinkling of goodness from our old pal Chuckles Weis and his current prodigy/whippingboy, Pickles.

The Indy Star, a gold mine for ridiculous dreck, had an article on Sunday pumping up Notre Dame's next outstandingly overrated patsy-beating, bowl-game-losing quarterback.

Chuckles hasn't had his sharp tongue dulled by the grindstone of a 3-9 season.

"He's better at everything," Weis said of Clausen, "He's a better leader, he's better mentally, he's better physically, he's more mature . . . What else is there?"

Gosh, I don't know. Maybe...um....winning? Yeah, I'm pretty sure winning is in there somewhere in the Notre Dame charter. Let's not forget, this is the same guy who went 16 of 32 against DUKE. At home. On Senior Day.

From the article:

Here's one question that was not asked during the recently completed month of spring practice at Notre Dame: Who will be the starting quarterback? A year ago, it was a four-man race among Evan Sharpley, Demetrius Jones, Zach Frazer and Jimmy Clausen. Jones and Frazer eventually transferred, Sharpley found his left-handed hitting stroke on the baseball diamond, and Clausen -- the nation's No. 1-rated high school quarterback coming out of Westlake Village, Calif. -- started eight games as a freshman, won his last two, and ascended to the throne. Clausen didn't win the job this spring. He took command of it.

I see. So there were four guys. Two guys left. Now there's two guys. And one of them wasn't very good and is focusing on baseball. Which leaves.... one guy. And he's taking command.

And how did he take command in the Blue-Gold game over the weekend? To the tune of 10 for 27 (a sizzling 37% completion percentage, for those scoring at home) for 183 yards, 57 of which came on one pass completion. One of his ten, that is. So as bad as his numbers look, if that one pass was dropped, he'd have been 9 for 27 for 126. Good gracious.

Chuckles then got into some of his typical jibber-jabber, only he's in midseason form already, making random-ass, nonsensical comments that are related to nothing.

Weis on Clausen:

"He's definitely gone from the entry-level classes -- 100-level classes -- to 300-level classes," Weis said. "Is he at a 400-level class or graduate school yet? He's not there yet. But I'd say if you can make that quantum leap from the 100s to the 300s and bypass the 200s, you can understand how much progress we think he's made mentally."

WHAT? Seriously... the hell? There's about 61 words that couldn't be more meaningless if Weis read the nutritional content in his favorite box of pasta. I mean, let's leave aside the asinine nature of comparing FOOTBALL to academics in such a specific way. What does any of this mean? And "quantum leap"? Give me a break.

He's gotten better? How? Magically? He's just better this spring than he was in the fall? Is that hard, though? And even if you think the metaphor makes some kind of sense, how does failing miserably at your 100-level classes let you jump to 300-level? This just makes no sense on so many levels. Seriously, what a bloviating tub of crap. And in typical Weis form, he leaves himself an out by saying he's gotten so much better... but not THAT much better. Not 400-level.

You know all about "400" level, don't you Chuckles?


Thaaaaat's right, Jimmy... if we both look over there, everybody will look over there and not notice us. And that's how you can squeeze my ding-dong without anybody noticing. Except that photographer! Crap!