Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Cheering 101 by The Crimson Guard

When I heard that the IU students finally decided it was trendy enough to start sort of caring about IU basketball again and formed an "official" student section, I decided to look into it. And at first, I wanted to mock them. Ha! A student section formed in December 2009 -- what, did they want to wait to see how bad the season would be before doing it?

But then I said to myself, "Self, that's not nice. This is a program trying to claw its way back after being decimated by a cheating coach."

A coach who had a history of cheating who they hired while knowing he was a cheater. So you could argue it was something IU did to itself. But still -- if you're a student there now, it's not your fault. You have the right to assemble. Hell, it's the clever name of your gym.

So I checked out their web site, CrimsonGuard.org. And, of course, they put up the grainy pictures of their championship banners, ranging from 23 years old to 70 years old. Rah-rah, yay!

But still, I thought they should be proud of whatever they want to be proud of. This is Indiana basketball -- these are people who truly know hoops. Right?

They even have several warnings to students not to rush the floor and to "act like you've been there before." And I respect this, because it's good advice.

What I don't respect, though, is a school whose students mock Purdue and act as though they're somehow superior.......and yet need cheering lessons. Let's take a look at the guidance given to students by the Crimson Guard's leadership:

click to embiggen

So we start with the "Purdont" roster. Clever, with the "Purdont" thing. Here's a tip for student sections -- be clever. Being an original idiot makes you sound like a southern Indiana hillrat. Oh, wait....

Among the tips on the first page is not to leave early, "unless you're meeting Purdue in the parking lot." What the hell does that even mean?

I love that they suggest that Rob Hummel "ran his best friend Scott Martin out of Purdue." Indeed, that's how it happened.

They also have a "pop quiz" asking how many national titles the Purdue men's team has won, and then indicate -- erroneously -- that the answer is zero. Way to do your homework, IU students! Not that you're used to having to study or do any research to skate through college.

But that's just the first page. The second page is the true treasure of this embarrassment:

click to enlargerate

Let's start at the top. "When the announcer says the name of a player you scream the first name."

And then....and THEN...they feel compelled to give an example!

"For example: 'Christian Watford.' Balcony and Bleachers unison: 'Christian'"

What, no guidance on how they should pull off doing it in unison? Will there be a conductor? A sign? A megaphone? HOW WILL THEY KNOW??

And then the "Main Level students shout the last name after the balcony and bleachers shout the first name." And yes, they have "after" in bold.

They then tell you that when a player "shots an airball" (assume they mean "shoots" but hey, that's an IU educashun for you) that you chant.... wait for it.... "airball...airball every time that player touches the ball for the remainder of the half."

*raises hand* But what if someone airballs it in the final seconds before the half? Can they chant "airball...airball" early in the second half? I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES HERE!!

It goes on from there, telling them how to clap and cheer for players, and all about the "left right left right" chant for players who foul out -- which you'll recall SMRT Illinois fans did to Kramer when he fouled out in Champaign with the game comfortably in hand.

Frankly, I'm surprised they don't have rules listed to help the students understand why some buckets count for three and some only for two.

I fully encourage anyone attending the game to create a new, more creative version of this guide, print a couple hundred copies and then distribute to students entering Ass Hall.

35 comments:

Unknown said...

IU Education?! No such thing..

Anyway, for those in the Houston Area, there is an IU/PU Alumni joint watch party.

Ryan said...

Hahaha, that's awesome. Great find.

Unknown said...

Dont forget the ultra rare bucket that only counts 1 point. Quite the mythical beast.

Purdue Pete said...

Beat me to the punch haha...Man, that site is a gold-mine!

Collin Fultz said...

Purdon't! That's fucking rich. I have never heard that before!

I think they should hand these out at football games. Too many of their students think football plays halves, too, and leave after the second quarter (if they go at all). It's an honest mistake, really. They just needed a flier to help them out.

Allen said...

You're telling me that chanting racists things makes us look like racist hicks. I, I never knew. Thanks for making such an informative flier guys.

Ross McLochness said...

What relevancy does Kramer's shot from his knees have?

And look out! JaJuan Johnson is skinny.

Seriously, I'm embarrassed for them.

Let us mark yet another mythical year (this will be 23) since IU won a national title. Players on that team are 45 years old now.

Chris said...

IU students have had 3-4 years to learn the Purdue players names. That space would be better served with their own roster.

Chris said...

Now Crimson Guard kiddos, you want students to show up a whole 30 minutes before tipoff against your biggest rival? Let's not set the bar too high. How will you get in your "JuJuan you are skinny!" and "Robbie, do you miss your best friend now?" jabs?

/suggest the CG.org contract out to BHGP for all future humor.

boilerdowd said...

Purdon't is hilarious. It's like calling me short...it works everytime!!

John said...

This is gold. The roommates and I are making a sign to mark the emergence of this top-notch group. Pray it gets on ESPN.

By the way, another choice they had for a student section name was the "Hall Monitors."

Unknown said...

I don't know what a "Purdont" is. "Purdon't" has an apostrophe. They should have used Speel Check.

Shadow300z said...

While I agree with pretty much all of the hilarious/erroneous/irrelevant statements you guys pointed out on here(and boy, some of these are really hilarious), I have to take issue with everyone giving IU a hard time for their last championship being 23 years ago.

I understand that when IU fans make a big deal of it they sound silly like this is somehow breaking news, we're the best because we won a title a long time ago, it's still pretty sweet to have a title that recent. Not many other schools(hint: less than 23) have one earlier.

Now please, continue with the IU bashing because god knows those ignorant hillbillies deserve it.

Boilergal said...

Their "Hoo-hoo-hoo-Hoosier" cheer is about as decipherable as John Wall.

I love how the same students that all rushed the court after the huge win vs. unranked Minnesota are now warning not to do that against Top 10 Purdue!!

Well, they won't get their chance anyway. Purdue should now have a renewed wind in their sails after MSUs loss last night and they are too experienced to let the little "Loosiers" (yes, we have absolutely absurd, unoriginal nicknames for them as well) get in the way.

Ryan- Nice to see you at lunch today!

Oh, some analysis I left out is that JJ is playing lazy- can someone put some urgency in that guy's game- we could be unstoppable then??

Anonymous said...

In their defense, they did say to chant airball every time that player touches the ball for the rest of the game...not just the half. Now again...on with the bashing.

John said...

I can forward them some Paint Crew previews if they want to see how an actual student section works. That is just amazing. The only way to make Assembly Hall a tough place to play would be to move our home games there.

Stephen said...

I love how they want to taunt E'Twaun Moore by reminding him that he lost Mr. Basketball to Eric Gordon. I'm sure he really cares about that, since his team beat Gordon's team for the State Championship that year and he outplayed Gordon in the championship game.

Idiots.

J Money said...

drwcubs -- oh my goodness... that's a major brain freeze on my part. My eyes no worky so good anymore. I would have sworn under oath it said for the remainder of the half.

Anonymous said...

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/338849-why-indiana-hoosier-basketball-fans-are-the-best

Anonymous said...

umm IU students finally starting to care? I think you should take a look at some attendance statistics. Even through IU's 1 big ten win season last year they had higher attendance than Purdue basketball did. And I'm not talking pure attendance numbers cause I know you will just point out that Assembly Hall is bigger, but IU average ticket sales was a higher percentage of their stadium capacity than average purdue ticket sales was a percentage of mackey. Incase you can't understand my point...its that throughout this downturn of IU basketball, our fans STILL care more about the IU basketball program than any band-wagon purdue fans care about this physically mediocre purdue basketball team

zlionsfan said...

I find it rather disconcerting that any school in Indiana would find it necessary to instruct people how to act at a basketball game.

Shadow300z said...

"Pysically mediocre purdue basketball team?" WTF? Two can play your game.

It's going to be sad to see a physically mediocre purdue team destroy that crimsonly gifted team down south.

Anonymous said...

yo bigdadybb. if you check here you will notice that we had around a 97 percent capacity last year so im pretty sure our attendance percent was higher than your. and its not hard to sell ticket when they are only going for 5 bucks

Adam said...

How the hell are you going to call us "southern Indiana hillrats"? You hillrats go to a school that teaches you to farm... we have the Kelley School of Business, which is one of the best in the entire country... and here's something to think about when you sorry sons of bitches are busy plowing fields for the rest of your lives... not only do we have 5 more basketball titles than you, but we have 20 more overall national championships than you (23-3)... so all of you can "Boiler Up" on that... oh and by the way, be sure to shower before you hillrats drag your dirty asses into Assembly Hall tomorrow... I know it's not a very common exercise for you, but we would greatly appreciate it.

E said...

Really? Really, A-Dumb (see what I did there?), you want to go there? Check the latest US News overall rankings? Purdue kicks IU's ass. You have no clue what you are talking about. You think anyone cares about soccer, swimming and diving and cross country national titles? Now go play with shiny objects while this Purdue educated rocket scientist lights his imported cigars with 100 dollar bills.

IceT said...

Of all the arguments IU fans should want to never get into, academics! Are you clowns serious? Say what you want about Purdue, but every night before you tuck yourself comfortably into that cozzy double-wide, gaze up at the moon and remember that you are as close as any IU grad has ever been to its surface.

Ryan said...

Haha, this is fun. Moar IU fans come and flame us, please.

Unknown said...

at the bottem of the page it says "in no way is this site related to indiana university" its made just by some kid. Way to write a whole article about some stupid kids site.

OhioBoiler said...

They are the "official student section" and are an "approved student organization". They may not be affiliated with IU athletics, but I don't see how someone could say they aren't affiliated with the University when they are a student organization there.

Unknown said...

To Adam.

As an engineer, I feel compelled to re-educate you on the statistical break down of Purdue Degrees. Purdue's agriculture school (who don't learn to farm by the way) are approximately 2,500 undergraduates and 500 graduate students. Thus, your stereotype of the average Purdue degree as farm based, is a poor one. For comparison, Engineering degrees are about 6,700 undergrad and 2,300 grad. That's roughly 25% of the student body (including graduate students). The school of Liberal Arts at Purdue is about 6,300 undergrad and 1800 grad students. Once again, about 20-25 percent of the student body. The rest of the campus is miscellaneous degrees including thousands that support the engineering industry ( Mechanical Engineering technology, Construction Management, etc..). When you take the engineering schools, and their support schools into account that amounts to about 40 percent of the student body.

So, were not really plowing fields for the rest of our lives (neither are the agriculture majors). The largest group of Purdue Grads are designing Nuclear, Coal, Wind, solar, and other power plants. were designing cars, rockets, manufacturing plants, computer systems, planes, and bridges. The very computer you're throwing bombs on was probably touched in many ways by a Purdue Engineer. That's right down to the computer chip which requires materials from the petroleum industry! Who do you think designs and gets methods for processing petrochemicals? Chemical Engineers... From Purdue.

Oh and as a side note to the other IU fan- Mackey Arena's all-time attendance is 0.811. That's up to the 2007-2008 season. The 2002-2003 season is our lowest attendance on record at 10,552/14,123(about 75 percent) average per game. IU's Assembly hall attendance this year is around 13900/17,456(around 79 percent). A 4 percent delta is statistically insignificant. It would appear as though IU... is just as fair weather as the Purdue fans. (by your logic).

Now, back to work doing forensics and structural engineering...err plowing the fields.

Cait said...

They posted a totally editable power point document. Be kind, fellow Boilers, for they know not what they do... or how to spell.

Anonymous said...

I find the whole IU/Purdue rivalry laughable. It's such a stupid thing to get worked up over. I went to IU over Purdue because of IU's journalism program and I liked the campus better. One point I will concede is that Purdue's campus design makes it easier to get to classes on time and I'm told the dining hall food is much better than IU's. Purdue's a fine school with many strengths in the sciences among other things. IU has a pretty good journalism school and our music department is pretty good too. You guys have Neil Armstrong and we have Booker T. Jones. Nothing against Neil, but I kind of like Stax Records more than the moon landing. Although it is pretty damn cool that both Amelia Earhart and Neil Armstrong are Purdue alums, that's pretty special.

Unknown said...

I'm a student at IU-Bloomington, I grew up in central Indiana, and I still don't really give a damn about this rivalry. Ever since Keady and Knight left, it just doesn't mean much (Yea, I know. Really original, right?). Both coaches had so much respect for the other program, and it made it both fun and challenging. But with IU and PU both increasing out of state students, the art of basketball fandom isn't what it used to be. No offense to out of state students, but if you didn't grow up in Indiana, I don't see how this game REALLY means much to you, unless you followed it as a kid from your house on the East Coast (good for you if you did).

And we should probably all stop ripping other teams' arenas. A stadium is only great if you create memories there. If you don't have memories at Assembly Hall, of course it's just an old building with really shitty views. To me, it's the one basketball venue where the 2nd half 8:00 media timeout is the happiest place in the country for about 3 minutes, no matter the score of the game. I'm sure at Mackie there are great things to look forward to at every game, I just don't know what they are since I have never been to a game there.

Also, I must admit two things: 1)I would rather see IU beat Kentucky than Purdue any year, not just this year. 2) As a student season ticket holder at IU, I go to the game to enjoy Assembly Hall and the game of basketball. I don't give two shits and a fuck about how good our students look doing cheers. When it comes down to it, Assembly Hall gets alive and powerful with fan emotion and cheers of encouragement, not poetic verse about fouls.

Oh, and for the record, the "bullshit" chant is stupid, childish, and embarrassing. Since we both do it, that says a lot about our student sections.

Hoosiers-67
Boilers-64

Boilergal said...

Can't wait to see the massive amounts of random Fatheads in the crowd tonight. Looks horrible on TV. I also find it so funny how IU fans now say that Purdue isn't really a rival to them anymore and that Kentucky is their biggest rival!

Hope_Nord_Stink said...

If IU wants a rivalry game, they should start to schedule Indiana State. Maybe their odds of splitting the series would improve. As far as a rivalry with Kentucky or Purdue, I don't give a shit. You won't be winning against either school for several years. Enjoy sucking!