Joe Knows Social Networking

You can tell the season's on its way... crisp air, intense practices...and articles trying to make Joe Paterno's ludicrously advancing age and obstinate nature charming.

Coach Joe Paterno seems to relish his image as one of his profession's last curmudgeonly throwbacks.

You call him a "curmudgeonly throwback," I call him a "disconnected old man." Affectionately, of course.

No, he tells the media every year, he doesn't even have a cell phone or send and receive e-mail. His most recent rant was directed at Twitter, which he dismisses as "tweedle doo or tweedle dee, tweet and twit."

No cell phone, no email... not even a headset. Far too newfangled.

"Really, he looks at technology the same way I do," Jay Paterno said. "He's just not going to use it himself. He can play dumb like a fox. He says, 'I don't know what Twitter is, I don't know what social-networking is,' but he's very aware of what it does, how it connects and how it can be used to promote our program. He's pushed us all in that direction."

I can just imagine JoePa giving a lecture on the viability of social networking. And then saying, "But I'm going to pretend I don't know what it is. Also, I have to poop."

Joe Paterno, technology savant.

Jay Paterno Only Cares About Two-ish Specific Offensive Stats

For those who don't pay close attention to the Big Ten Blogger network, you've been missing out on the growing hatred -- led by pitchfork-wielding PSU bloggers -- of Jay Paterno. For the rest of us, it's just kind of amusing. As though the increasing senility of Joe Paterno wasn't enough to keep us humored, Jay has been finding new and creative ways to both look like a doofus and enrage his own fan base. And let's not forget, we're talking about an obsessively-loyal fanbase that he's managed to turn on himself. Well-done, Jay.

The crux of it all is that instead of continuing to work on PSU's QB situation, Jay has decided to split his time between coaching, ogling QB asses (see above) and.... blogging for Barack Obama. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Talk about political miscalculations. The only good I can see coming from this (besides seeing the Paternos run out of town together) is that maybe McCain will ask Joe to blog for him. And oh, that would be a fine, fine day.

Anyway, Black Show Diaries got fed up and wrote about it on Sunday, going so far as to use the word "unacceptable." Which, yeah, it kind of is. He points out that Jay Paterno snootily says he's allowed to do whatever he wants "on his own time," and then posts at 10:02 AM on a Friday morning. Which, apparently, is not working time for him. See, Jay, this is why we post without timestamps. It's a simple setting, really. Even you can probably figure it out.

But my favorite part -- so far -- of all of this is one of Jay's snotty and disorientingly ridiculous responses to one of his critics. After being told he shouldn't be spending his time blogging about Obama when he's got significant coaching concerns to think about, Jay says the following:

By Jay Paterno Jun 20th 2008 at 10:02 am EDT For your information our offense was #1 in the Big Ten last year in the only two categories that we really look at: the key situations of Red Zone and Third Downs (and to a lesser extent 4th downs where we ranked #7 in the nation).

Wha-ha? For starters, beginning a retort with "for your information" leads to a douchebaggy comment 96% of the time. It's been documented. Secondly, what the hell is he talking about? PSU led the big ten last year "in the only two categories that we really look at"? And those categories would be.... what? Wins? Points scored? Point differential? Turnover margin? AP votes? No.

"Key situations of Red Zone and Third Downs."

Um, what about them? Success? Conversions? Points scored in those situation? Or does Jay just wear Old Spice Red Zone deodorant and that's the most important thing because it keeps him smelling purty?

And I love -- love love love -- that he says they led in the two categories they care about and then he adds that they were "ranked 7th in the nation" on "4th downs." Ranked how? Stopping 4th down tries? Converting them? And.... who cares? Are these really the statistics that you hitch your wagon to?

Maybe so, but to respond to a critcism with a remark that suggests you guys have everything under control so you can kick back and spend the morning blogging (and fighting in the comments section which, really, even we don't do that all that often) is simply... well... unacceptable.

From what we understand, though, Papa Joe is on the case and the two had a blowup.