Oh, the Outrage

In a story you may or may not have seen, this little twit to the left got the pictured autograph from Yankee rookie Shelley Duncan during the recent Yankees-Red Sox series. And now he and his mommy are acting like his growth has been stunted by this callous, horrendous act.

Yeah, right.

Look at this little wank? All dressed in his Red Sox gear, already on his way to growing up to be yet another bitter, obnoxious New Englander who would rather see the Yankees lose than the Red Sox win. And do you think maybe... just maybe he has ever uttered "Yankees suck"? Ever? Hmm? If you answer no, you're either clueless or a liar.

Duncan was being funny because a little kid in a group of fans no doubt telling Shelley how bad his team sucks and, hey, he signed the autograph! Isn't ESPN and every other East coast media outlet always talking about how amazing this rivalry is? And then when a player verifies it for a kid who is growing to love baseball by writing this -- a thing said on every playground from Jersey to Maine about one team or the other -- well then, what's so wrong with it?

Just take it easy on the forced outrage, Boston.

Well, At Least He Doesn't Hit Like a Girl

Sure, Shelly Duncan has a girl's name, but the down-home, corn-fed country boy can really hit. He came up to the big club over the weekend and hit three homers, including two in yesterday's gangbang of the Tampa Bay pitching staff. The 21-4 pasting came a day after a 17-5 ass-whipping. My awful softball team doesn't get beaten this badly... though, that's likely because of the mercy rule. Yes, guys, I think the Devil Rays get the point. Doing that against good teams would be fun, too. And that brings us to the point, here... before we all get too excited about Shelly Duncan, let's see him hit off someone other than John Sheilds, or whatever his name was.

In other weekend sports news, Sergio Garcia's career may have just officially come to an end. Oh, sure, he'll keep playing, but he'll probably never be the same. He blew the British Open that he had owned all weekend, and now the stigma of not winning a major has got to be in his head. It's really fine, though, since Colin Montgomerie is getting on in years so it's time for a new weak-kneed Euro to take his place.

And in awful baseball news, a coach was hit in the head with a line drive and died. Just reading the story is so sad. Sorry for the downer this morning.