Charlie Weis Clears Things Up

In case you didn't know, Notre Dame's latest golden boy, Jimmy Clausen, was charged with a misdemeanor in June when he was caught transporting alcohol in his car -- something illegal in Indiana if you're under 21.

The story goes that Clausen drove the car while a 23-year-old purchased the alcohol. And I'm sure -- I'm just certain -- that the 23-year-old wasn't buying it for Clausen to drink it. No way, right? Oh, you think that might be possible? Well, I call you a cynic then. Jimmy Clausen is pure as the driven, flamboyant snow.

Charlie Weis referred to it as being "in the wrong place at the wrong time." Sure, I can see that. I'm sure the 23-year-old forced Clausen, probably at gunpoint, to drive him to the liquor store and then back to wherever they were headed to (not) drink the alcohol in question.

Sorry, Charlie, but being "in the wrong place at the wrong time" is more like being in the liquor store when it's held up, or standing in the crosswalk when Tim is driving through town. It's not like intentionally driving somewhere to have a friend buy you booze. But okay, you go with that.

Some more Weis tidbits from the story:

Weis compared the incident to a hypothetical in which he purchased alcohol while one of his son's friends drove him to the store for it.

Well, that's not really the same thing, now is it, Charlie? Not the same as an underage college student driving another (slightly less) young person to a liquor store to purchase liquor. Come on.

"So I plead ignorance on that one. I would plead that I would not know the law on that one."

And as we all know, pleading ignorance is the best way to have all charges dropped against you in the state of Indiana. Why, I remember getting into a bar fight at Purdue and then telling the judge I really had no idea it was, quote, against the law, to smack someone in the face with a frosted beer mug. When he heard my ignorance, he dismissed my case.

"So was (Clausen) in the wrong place at the wrong time? Absolutely. But I think it's out of ignorance, and by ignorance I mean lack of knowledge. I don't think he was defiantly trying to get himself in trouble with the law."

Oh, you don't think so, Charlie? Gosh, are you sure? Because I know a lot of athletes do it on purpose. For example, a little-known fact about the Michael Vick dogfighting fiasco is that Vick himself called the authorities because he was, and I quote, "defiantly trying to get himself in trouble with the law." Frankly, Charlie, I think you're a putz. And by putz, I mean turd.

"You've just got to roll with the punches," Weis said. "The problem when you're the quarterback at Notre Dame, or the head coach at Notre Dame — when things go good, you get more credit than you deserve. When things go bad, you get more blame than you deserve. Like it or not, that's the way football is."

And when things go mediocre, you get to go to a BCS bowl and get curb-stomped by LSU.