The Terry Hutchens Chronicles Kick Off

We’ve been asked more than once to weigh in on Terry Hutchens, IU schill and nominal “columnist” for the Indianapolis Star. I even went after Terry on his own blog and got email from him personally…we went back and forth a bit and then our courtship came to abrupt halt. Anyway, I think what we’ll do here from time to time is check in on our friend Terry, in what I’m going to call The Terry Hutchens Chronicles.

The Terry Hutchens fun – for us, anyway – more or less begins with his haughty post mocking Purdue basketball back in August of ’06, when we landed Moore and Hummel, among others. He suggested these guys wouldn’t amount to much and, well, you can read it yourself.

Also, if you’re an IU fan, supporter or schill yourself, please save the vitriol. Yes, we’re pricks (or, at least, I am). We are entitled to call Terry out for his crap so deal with it. We’re also allowed to revel in the state of IU basketball turmoil, though to be fair, I think this feature will be less about that and more about attacking Hutchens’ poor writing, uninformed opinions and inflated self-worth.

Hope you enjoy. (Also, I know this is a long one... and you have ADD, well, bookmark it and come back. We had to start somewhere and I have no editor. So deal with it.)

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Today’s Terry Chronicles will be a simple perusal of his a couple of blog posts over the past two weeks. As always, the actual text is in italics and my witty retorts follow. From the “Ask the Expert” feature you know he just loves doing because he is, by his self-appointment, the “expert.”

Question: With the coaching change, recruits jumping ship, current players leaving for the NBA, graduating or possibly transferring, where do you see IU realistically next season? Should we prepare for IU to have one of its worst seasons in recent memory? (John in Columbus, Ind.)

So John in Columbus wants to know if he should prepare for a bad season. What does Terry come back with?

Answer: IU's last losing season was 2004 when the Hoosiers went 14-15 overall, 7-9 in the Big Ten and tied for ninth in the conference. Before that the last losing season had been in 1970 when the Hoosiers went 7-17 and 3-11 in the Big Ten.

This is typical Terry. He likes to spit a bunch of meaningless stats at you…when he does use stats. Because, really, what does this tell us? The question is whether or not IU should prepare for a bad season. What does Terry tell us? That the Hoosiers went 14-15 in 2004. Of course, that’s when a black guy was the coach so what can you do? Right, Terry?

More of his answer:

Generally you could look at the IU schedule and say that they would have enough chances with home cupcakes in the non-conference portion of the schedule to have a chance to finish above .500 but there will be some challenging games this fall. IU is in the Maui Invitational so you can expect some tough competition there.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for Chaminade to beat IU.

IU is at Kentucky.

Who many think didn’t belong in the NCAAs this year. So is this that tough a game?

There's also the Big Ten-ACC Challenge.

Point taken. We always get smoked here.

Somehow, Crean has to assemble a team that can be competitive by the time the conference season rolls around. One thing he'll have going for him is that the Big Ten still doesn't look as if it will be the strongest of conferences next season so there's always a chance in that regard.

I like this little subtle dig. If you don’t know Terry, you’d say I was being paranoid, but he dismisses Purdue basketball as a joke and a wanna-be program so with Purdue being an early favorite for next season’s Big Ten, this is a patented Hutchens backhand.

But it's going to be an uphill fight. One of the worst seasons in recent memory? With only two losing seasons in the last 38 years, it won't take much to be elevated to that status.

Annnnnd he finishes with the IU-schill flourish, reminding us all how good the program USED to be. Well-done, Terry. So it wouldn’t be hard to be a bad season since IU is like, totally awesome for, like, ever, right? Idiot.

I like this next one.

Question: What is the status of the basketball practice facility? Will it be completed by this fall? Can Coach Crean anticipate moving into his office there this year. I would think the facility would be a major selling point for future recruits. (Reid in Louisville, Ky.)

So the question is can they move into their practice facility this Fall. As in, like, 4-6 months.

Answer: I think they're behind schedule and much of that is because of things they experienced in the ground when they really got into it.

“Things they experienced in the ground.” Are we sure Terry has a journalism degree?

There was a lot of underground pipes and things that they weren't expecting plus there was a lot more limestone, too, and that has taken longer to cut through.

“There was a lot of underground pipes”? Oh? WAS there? What the frick? Seriously, I know this is a blog of sorts but come on, Terry, proofread this shit. At least give it a cursory glance. You sound like a 5th grader.

At this point, there's not even a foundation poured so it still has a ways to go.

Oh, so not even close. Without a foundation, it’ll be hard to finish in a few months. Damn that limestone.

I will say this and that's that they're working at it around the clock, putting in 18 hour days to try and get it going.

Let it be known that Terry Hutchens thinks “around the clock” is 18 hours. Maybe in Terryland, days are only 18 hours long… in addition, I imagine in Terryland, IU is always ranked #1, they’re always undefeated, there’s a neverending tap of beer under his desk and all chicks have blonde hair and DD knockers.

I haven't heard the latest as to when they hope to get the first phase done.

Thanks for telling us absolutely nothing, Terry. Except that the ground is hard and they’re working around your 18-hour clock, yet haven’t been able to pour a foundation yet. Must be union workers.

This answer gets even better though as Terry does another Terryism, which is to name-drop.

I will say this and that's that I asked Tom Crean about it in an interview on Wednesday and he's coming from a place that had one of the best practice facilities in the country, and he said he's very impressed with what this one is going to look like. He said he wouldn't have changed a thing.

Since there isn’t a foundation yet, I wonder how Tom can be so sure.

He said when he has made recruiting calls, he has walked by the site and held up the phone so that people could hear the construction going on.

That’s awesome. I really hope Tom Crean is calling recruits and then holding up his cell phone at the construction site. I hope foul-mouthed construction workers are what’s being transmitted into his phone.

“Hey, man, what the f-ck? Why don’t we have a foundation poured yet?”
“I don’t know man. Looks like limestone.”
“But limestone isn’t hard. It breaks apart like chalk.”
“Oh. Well, I told that burly reporter that’s what the problem was.”
“Oh, no problem… he thinks there’s only 18 hours in a day so that’ll keep him busy.”

He said he's very excited about what that will do in terms of helping him bring top level talent to Indiana.

I also like that Terry used “he said” three sentences in a row. Solid writing, Terry.

Another question for the "expert":

Question: You may remember we've communicated before as I made the comments on 'patterns' of Kelvin Sampson.

This is like when a guy calls a radio call-in show and expects the host to remember him from a book-signing two years ago. Get a life, dude.

As I watch Tom Crean in the early stages of his career at IU, there's one thing that stands out -- He "gets it".

Dude, he’s been there like a week.

He gets the thing that Mike Davis never understood and Kelvin Sampson didn't care about.

Being white?

He gets the fact that IU basketball is more than simply signing big name players, winning games. and going to the NCAA tournament.

Ummmm, it’s about signing guys who leave after one year, winning some games, getting on probation and losing in the first round? No? Oh, okay.

He gets the fact that IU basketball is a reflection of the entire university and indeed the entire state. He gets the fact that everything he does either enhances or detracts from the reputation of all of the above. He doesn't just understand it, he has embraced it. Us IU fans in all likelihood will have to suffer through one or possibly two mediocre seasons as Coach Crean builds his program. But that's exactly what he'll do -- build a program rather than simply trying to put players on the floor to win games. I have every confidence that, at least in the beginning, he'll be able to recruit the Indiana players that haven't come to IU for the last ten years. Of course, the proof is in the pudding, but we have to like the fact that Coach Crean appears to 'get it' where the two before him did not. (Dan in Carmel, Ind.)

Okay, I know this is about bashing Terry Hutchens but seriously, Dan from Carmel. Settle down. IU is not some holy bastion of right-ness where it’s about “more than winning.” Stop acting like winning isn’t enough at IU; you also have to cure cancer at halftime. It’s a fricking basketball program that has been mediocre in both stature and results for a long time now. I can’t stand it when people make comments like this:

He gets the fact that IU basketball is more than simply signing big name players, winning games. and going to the NCAA tournament. He gets the fact that IU basketball is a reflection of the entire university and indeed the entire state. He gets the fact that everything he does either enhances or detracts from the reputation of all of the above.

Yes, if Tom Crean farts in church, it detracts from the entire program, the university, the state of Indiana, humankind, and Earth. Not necessarily in that order.

Let’s get to Terry’s answer, though.

Answer: I'll agree that at least in terms of first impressions, Tom Crean has made a good one. Now again, as refreshing as all of that may be, the unfortunate thing that has happened at IU over the last few years is that Indiana fans have gotten to where they're afraid to trust anyone because of that trust getting misplaced.

Why are we talking about IU coach’s relationship with the fans like a jilted lover?

What I like the most about Tom Crean right now is that you can tell he's wants to be here.

Here at Boiled Sports, what we like most is that he has a forehead you could show a movie on.

I'm not saying that Mike Davis and Kelvin Sampson didn't because I know they did, but Crean is just treating it all a little bit different. With Crean, you just know that he's working every minute of every day to get this program back to where it hopes to one day be.

As opposed to those lazy black guys, who only worked some days. Right, IU?

Terry goes on with his answer but it’s clichéd crap about “doing it the right way” and “following the rules,” etc.

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A week before the above column, Terry wrote about his boyfriend Eric Gordon. For those of you who don’t know, Terry Hutchens wants to wear Eric Gordon’s letterman’s jacket and take him to the Sadie Hawkins dance. It’s kind of brutal. He angerly defended Gordon and his antagonistic family after the Illinois game and he refused to post my comments when I disagreed with that blog post. That’s when he emailed me directly (again, we’ll get to that).

Anyway, on April 7, he talked about Eric Gordon’s presser. He talks about how Crean showed up at the press conference and how it was such a selfless thing to do. How Crean hasn’t once tried to talk Gordon into staying (okay, decide on your own whether to believe this or not – I honestly don’t know whether to call bullsh-t on it or not), etc. And then he talks about Crean coming to this press conference simply to be more supportive.

And then it gets silly:

It would be one thing if Gordon's press conference had been held in the press room at Assembly Hall, and Crean simply had to walk down the ramp and down the stairs to be supportive. But the press conference was held at the Jewish Community Center on the Northwest side of Indianapolis, in the neighborhood where Gordon grew up. No, this wasn't a small undertaking. Door to door for Crean was just about 70 miles. With traffic, it was about an hour and 20 minutes to get there.

Terry, are you SERIOUSLY acting like it was a big deal for Tom Crean to travel 70 miles to be a good guy? You’ll notice in Terry’s writing that he always has to point out mileages and how much time in a car everything requires. With traffic it was 80 minutes! What a guy!

Look, Tom Crean’s getting paid a lot of money to coach IU. He could get a car service and I don’t think it’d dent his wallet.

But Crean thought it was important. Like he did the day he was introduced in Bloomington, Crean shook a lot of hands and signed a lot of autographs but he made certain that he wasn't stealing Gordon's thunder or spotlight in any way. When the 20-25 members of the media made it clear they wanted to do an interview with the new IU coach, Crean suggested the interview take place out in the hallway where it wouldn't be any distraction to Gordon's autograph-signing session.

Except for the distraction of two dozen reporters leaving the room and clogging the hallway.

I think Crean earned some approval points today. Personally, I thought it was a classy thing to do. Crean didn't have to show his support. He's got enough things on his plate right now, and logging 140 miles to support a player that will never play a minute for him may have not been a great use of his time.

Seriously, Tom. You could be holding your phone up for people to hear the progress on the new practice facility. And then watch the recruits line up!

Okay, that’s enough Terry-bashing for one post. In fact, this is way too much. But it’ll give you something to read for a while. Print it out, take it to the pooper.