Giants-Patriots Two, Offensive Boogaloo

In advance of Super Bowl XLII, I put together my thoughts in a preview post and in the end, just couldn't bring myself to be a homer and pick the Giants. And who could blame me? The Pats had overcome absolutely everything that year. They looked pretty much invincible. Sure, looking back, there were signs that they were wearing down, but we kept thinking that all year and yet they had done what literally no team had yet done -- go 18-0. Then the Super Bowl happened, the Giants played a nearly perfect game, and the rest is history. 

I look back at my recap the night the Giants won the Super Bowl in Feb 2008 and I am barely coherent, but that's understandable given my lifelong Giants fandom and the magnitude of that night.

This year, things are so much different. As much as the media loves to talk about the "rematch," it's definitely a different feel. The Patriots got to the Super Bowl after going 13-3 in the regular season (as opposed to 16-0) and having the 31st ranked defense in the league. They've also only beaten one team with a winning record at the time this year (the Ravens). Even their first playoff game was against the 8-8 Broncos, which was essentially a second consecutive bye.

Now, understand, I'm not suggesting the Pats don't deserve to be here -- they absolutely do. You can only play who is on your schedule and the Pats have won 11 straight games. The last loss? Back in November versus the New York Giants. So I'm not suggesting the Pats shouldn't be here -- all I would say is that their path has been beyond easy. Almost no resistance this year, plus a fairly easy path in the playoffs. They're not the juggernaut they were four years ago.

That said, they could easily still win.

I think the Gronk injury is huge for the Pats. The guy caught 17 TDs and is the one guy the Giants would have a real hard time covering. Even if he does play, he won't be himself, so that bodes well for New York. If Brady plays poorly, as he did against Baltimore, I would say that's the only way this game could be a blowout, and it would obviously be in the Giants favor.

However, I think Brady will be as focused as ever and that concerns me. Also, how many times can this Giants brain trust beat Belichick? They've already won a Super Bowl against them and won in Foxboro this season. Can they win a third time? Sure, but it doesn't sound easy, does it?

The Giants were 7-7 at one point and looked listless. I even said on Facebook that being swept by the Washington Redskins and losing at home to Seattle should automatically disqualify you from the playoffs. And then the Giants simply flipped the switch and remembered how to play. They are here because they have used the formula that teams use in all sports to win titles: Play well, don't give games away with turnovers or mental mistakes, and get fortunate bounces. Hey, I'm realistic -- to win a championship, you don't only need to be good, you need to get lucky, too. It's all part of the formula.

Here's what I think: If both teams play to their potential, the Giants should win. The NY defense is better than New England's and the NY offense is comparable to NE's. Brady can of course be the variable, because he's so good he can alter games and bend time and space all by himself. But I know many Pats fans who quietly admit the only team they really "worried" about was the Giants.

If either team's QB plays poorly or the team turns the ball over, that's the team that loses. But hey, that's common sense, right?

I think both these teams and both these guys (Brady and Eli) will be locked in. I don't think it's the shootout that it could be and some expect. But I do think it goes the Giants way.

Giants 27, Patriots 24

Wade Phillips Is Getting His Finger Ready

I love it.

Living here in Texas now, I get to hear the arrogance of fans of teams like the University of Texas, Texas A&M and, of course, the Dallas Cowboys.

When the Cowgirls lost to the Giants last year in the playoffs, I think most of Dallas called out of work the next day. They were literally in a city-wide state of depression. The Super Bowl was rightfully theirs, dammit! And those creeps from the North stole it from them! It was supposed to be the 'boys and the Pack in the NFC title game, just like God, Peter King and Chris Berman wanted it.

Regardless, today there's an article out of Dallas about how Coach Wade Phillips (0-2 in the playoffs with the Cowboys) commented that this is their year and to "Get your ring finger ready."

Now, clearly, this is taken somewhat out of context, as there cannot be any way Phillips is this arrogant and/or stupid. When your team has stumbled as a favorite in the playoffs two years in a row and hasn't won a playoff game since 1996, your best course of action is to be humble.

But anyway, thought I'd share with you how last season went for the Cowboys as they sized up their rings at that time...

Oh, hey, look... there's the Giants celebrating as they won the game over the Cowboys, in Dallas.

Hey, there's Eli Manning and Amani Toomer exiting the field in Dallas victorious over the almighty Cowboys. Hey, did you know that Eli Manning has won a Super Bowl now and Tony Romo hasn't ever even won a single, lonesome playoff game?

Hey, look, there's Eli Manning, Super Bowl MVP for the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants.

Yeah, Dallas, you get your fingers ready. And when they're nice and ready, I'll tell you where you can stick them.

Oh, Eli, Why Do You Do Things Like This?

Okay, look, Eli. I know you're the Super Bowl MVP. I realize you think people have to start taking you seriously now. But it's not a God-given right. And if you keep allowing yourself to be photographed like this, it will never happen.

Sure, you have a wife now. Maybe she even touches your pee-pee. But it looks like you're on a kiddie ride for pete's sake! Why not just completely embarrass yourself and ride the teacups?

We wonder why even after a Super Bowl win, nobody takes the Giants seriously. Things like this are the primary reasons.

Best Super Bowl Ever?

You'll have to excuse us (me) for still reveling in my team upsetting the best pro team ever. We'll get back to our juvenile bashing of fat coaches and other basketball programs soon, but I still need to savor this for a while.

Are we looking at the best Super Bowl ever? I know that "best ever" crap gets thrown around a lot -- like when the Pats are compared to the best dynasties ever, before they've won their crowning game -- but there have only been 42 Super Bowls and so it's not hard to run through them and try to figure out what was bigger.

Never has a team been considered more of an underdog. I don't care if there have been larger than two-TD underdogs -- the Giants weren't only going against a superior team, a team that had destroyed everyone and was undefeated. They were going against a team coached and QB'ed by two of the very best out there. Two guys who were unbeaten in the Super Bowl. And the Giants were considered not all that good. They "only" went 10-6 this year. They didn't even win their division. Eli threw twenty picks this year. People were writing stories about how it was time to give up on Eli. At age 25. Solid.

Anyway, so that's the Giants predicament. And they won, with catches like David Tyree's. David Tyree, a guy who had -- get this -- four catches this season, for a total of 35 yards. FOUR!! And he makes this grab.

Was that the best catch I've ever seen? It's up there. Was it simply awesome that it was Rodney Harrison that couldn't break it up? Yes, it surely was.

I always felt like the best Super Bowl I ever watched was Super Bowl XXV, when the Giants beat the Bills 20-19. The Bills had that high-flying, no-huddle, quick-strike offense and the Giants were the slow, plodding, 11-minute drive team. And the two clashed for 60 minutes and it came down to the Scott Norwood missed field goal. To that point, I don't think any Super Bowl had come down to the last play like that. We've been so used to complete blowouts and anticlimactic games. And that one was simply awesome. And yes, I'm biased because it was the Giants, but you cannot deny that was an amazing game -- if you remember watching it. I realize it was 17 years ago.

But last night ranks up there for me and I think it should for many. So many subplots, such a back-and-forth game. A defensive struggle, sprinkled with amazing offensive plays and clutch performances. Tom Brady leads his team down as he so frequently does. He was Tom Brady. He found a way to get them the lead and, presumably, the win. How many times has Tom Brady done exactly that? And to see them score by tossing to Randy Moss as the Giants defender frickin falls down. How discouraging. One of our friends at my house said, "Well, Moss would have caught that anyway." Probably true, but I felt like it was an awful way to lose... Moss being unguarded.

But as Boilerdowd pointed out to me, how weird was it to see Brady leave so much time on the clock? Usually, he seems to find a way to leave nothing. But 2:42 with three timeouts and the two-minute warning is a ton of time... even for Eli!

And I said this. To which my wife said she didn't believe me. I said that it wasn't the clock I was even slightly worried about -- it was the execution.

Speaking of execution, what about rookie Steve Smith (who had eight catches on the season), catching that third down pass with just over 40 seconds left and getting his body past the first-down marker and out of bounds?! Clutch!

So yes, in this rambling run-on of a post... I think this might very well be the best overall Super Bowl ever. The stakes were so high, the upset so improbable... and the game itself was outstanding. The Pats didn't lose, they didn't blow anything. The Giants went in and won -- they took it from the Patriots. And so I don't bash the Pats (I bash their fans more) for not showing up -- I think they did show up... I just think that last night, the Giants were better. If they played ten times, how many would the Giants win? Maybe 2 or 3 times? Doesn't matter... they won last night.

And that final kneeldown, where classy Bill Belichick was already up the tunnel.... below is a shot of it. And how wonderful is it that there's David Tyree, lined up in the backfield, allowed to be out there for the final snap. Don't tell me Coach Coughlin doesn't have a softer side.

18-1

New England Patriots: Most points scored in NFL history. Largest margin of victory in NFL history. Only second team to have undefeated regular season in Super Bowl era. Tom Brady -- 50 TD passes, number 1 all time. Randy Moss -- 23 TDs, number 1 all time.

Super Bowl XLII Champions: New York Giants.

Yes, everyone -- all you front-running New England fans, arrogant Bill Simmons (42-17, Pats, eh, Bill?), and fat-ass, pontificating Chris Berman and all the rest of the jackholes on ESPN who picked blowouts for the Pats -- that's right, the Giants beat the New England Patriots tonight. And I admit, I still cannot believe it. I watched every second and I, like many, knew that they had a shot if they kept it close throughout the game. I said to our guests at our home tonight, "I just hope they're not down 21-3 after a quarter." And there they were, holding the Pats to their lowest point total of the season. The mighty, mighty Patriots.

Who do you give credit to? You give it to the entire New York Giants team. It took what it had to take tonight -- a complete team effort. I said before the game that the Giants needed to be perfect and the Pats needed to have an off game. I think I was wrong. The Giants were not perfect. They made some mistakes. A botched snap. A critical pass interference penalty by Antonio Pierce in the second quarter. A terrible interception in the red zone where rookie Steve Smith juggled a ball into the Pats hands.

But the Pats were beatable tonight. And why? Credit the Giants defense for being beyond stout throughout this game. They came in knowing they had to play the game of their lives. They knew they were one blown coverage away from beating the Pats in late December. So let's be perfect this time, they must have said. And they damn near were. Aside from Pierce's pass interference penalty, I can't think of another mistake -- even a slightly missed assignment -- that the defense made all night. And that's amazing. They sacked Tom Brady five times. FIVE. He was sacked only once in their Dec 29 game and only something like 12 or 13 times all season. Nobody gets to Handsome Tom.

Do you know when I began to believe this game was not going to be just like every other Pats playoff game? Late in the first half, when the Giants forced a fumble to halt the Patriots drive, the fumble was caused by a sack of Terrific Tom Brady. And after the play, it was clear how hard Brady had been hit and even one of his linemen was getting up slowly and limping off the field. And I thought to myself, this is about when Rocky begins turning the tide. He uppercuts the champ hard and makes him bleed. And the champ isn't necessarily losing yet, but they're stunned and not looking like themselves. And the door is open a crack and the challenger has to push their way through. And they did.

Hey, how about Plaxico saying the Giants were going to win, 23-17, earlier in the week? Tom Brady then laughed -- laughed -- when told that and said, "Oh, is Plax playing defense?" He thought the idea of the Pats only scoring 17 points was a silly concept. Hmmm, what do you think of 14, Tom?



Some more thoughts on the classy Patriots.... how about that last one second of play? Belichick is clearly told at midfield by the officials that the game is not over and that the Giants have the ball with one second left on the clock. But Bill Belichick isn't interested in the Giants having the ball -- now that his team has lost the game, he's outta there! Belichick, Brady and many other Patriots were already up the tunnel and weren't out there for the final play of the game. And do you know who I do respect on the Pats? Teddy Buschi, for one, who was out there for the final play and who was signaling for his defensive teammates to come out there and line up for the Giants last snap. And whomever else on the Pats D that was out there at the end -- I'm impressed by those guys and genuinely appreciate their sportsmanlike nature of letting the Giants have that feeling of the final kneeldown. Please see Boilerdowd's suggestion down below about sending a videotape to the Classy Bill Belichick.

Unexpected heros: Well, as I said, this was a total team effort but David Tyree and Justin Tuck stand out for me. Sure, Strahan and Osi are the mack daddies on this defense, but Justin Tuck nailed Brady a couple of times and was a huge difference-maker. As for Tyree, he caught the TD that the Giants scored to go up 10-7 and then he also caught the desperation heave from Manning on the last drive... it was third and long and Manning escaped pressure from multiple Patriots D-linemen and chucked it downfield, and it was David Tyree who managed to haul it in. And that, coupled with Kevin Boss' 45-yard catch earlier in the quarter, might be the biggest catches in the Giants season. I'm not sure there were many bigger ones in their history. Perhaps Mark Ingrams long catch and run on third down against the Bills in Super Bowl XXV, for those that remember. That's where those two catches by Boss and Tyree rank.

How pleased must Goodell have been to be presenting that trophy to the Giants and not the Pats? Who wants to present a trophy to a bunch of cheaters, anyway?

Where do the Pats go from here? How bad does it hurt to go 18-0 and then lose? How hard will it be for Belichick to get these guys to buy in to his system next year? Those guys can say they buy in, but won't they be thinking, "hey, this didn't work last year"? The Pats will now be remembered as the 16-0 team that couldn't win it all. And they will live in infamy, no matter what happens in their future. They're now just like the 2004 Yankees that blew a 3-0 lead in the ALCS. A great team with a huge advantage who.... blew it. Deal with it, Boston.

My last thought for the evening... on an evening of many dissheveled thoughts.... but let's all shut the hell up about Eli Manning. He's the man. This kid is all of 26 years old and he's been in the playoffs every year he's been a full-time starter. Do you realize this? And now he's a Super Bowl champion. And a Super Bowl MVP. It's done, he's the man. He's lived up to his potential. I don't want to hear any more about comparing him to Phillip Rivers or his brother or anyone else. He won the Super Bowl. This wasn't like Big Ben's Steelers winning despite Ben's awful play. Manning was terrific, especially in the fourth quarter, and was deserving of the MVP. He was clutch, he was a champion and there's nothing else to say. Phil Simms, Jeff Hostetler, Eli Manning. Those are the Giants QBs who have won Super Bowls.

I've been a Giants fan my whole life. And not even I expected this for the 2007 season, especially after an 0-2 start and the team looking like crap. But then it all began to truly come together. The Giants went on a 11-game winning streak away from Giants Stadium. They blossomed. We watched Eli grow up before our eyes... like, truly, we saw him go from the kid nobody could ever count on all the way up the spectrum to a Super Bowl MVP, clutch, champion.

And hey, Tiki, how do you like Eli's leadership now?

Football Jambalaya! Conference Championship Edition

Green Bay's Seinfeldian Strategy Backfires as Eli Enjoys Family Matters Instead -- Says That Urkell Guy "Cracks Him Up"

Now there's the happy face of a kid who has just won his eighth-grade football championship.

See, even I can't help but poke fun at Eli Manning. He looks like a kid. And maybe that's because he kind of is. Eli was born in 1981, folks. he just turned 26 a few weeks ago. And he's in the Super Bowl four years sooner than his more-famous big brother and, yes, I think that's worth noting.

This guy was written off many times in the last few years by the New York fans and media. There were always some who said he needed more time and that they weren't going to give up on him and I was one of those fans. But even I fully admit that I never thought the Giants would seriously go anywhere with Eli at the helm... not for a while at least. I looked at him like a lot of past Giants quarterbacks, kind of like Kerry Collins. At the end of the season, the guy has twenty-something touchdown passes and 3500-4000 yards passing and you go, wow, this guy must be kinda good. And then he'd absolutely fold under the pressure in the playoffs or a big spot and you'd realize that he just didn't "have it."

I never thought Eli was bad, mind you. I always felt like we were a little harsh on the guy. He has been a full-time starter for three seasons now and he's made the playoffs all three times. Do you realize how hard that is in today's NFL? He's 29-19 over these past three seasons and 3-2 in the playoffs. And now he's reached a Super Bowl. And they'll be underdogs... again. And against a high seed for the third week in a row.

I'd like to self-congratulate myself right now because I picked the G-men to win yesterday, 24-21...and they indeed won by 3, 23-20. The game played out exactly like I thought it could/would. The Giants D kept the pressure up and the Packers couldn't plow through them like they could against Seattle. And Brett Favre did what I've been waiting for him to do all year through this sham of a "storybook" season -- he reminded us that he's still the "gunslinger" who makes terrible decisions. His first pick should have cost them the game and his second did cost them the game. Not only that, but did anyone else notice Favre throw a Hail Mary at the end of the third quarter? He threw a bomb towards the end zone where he had one possible reciever and THREE Giants d-backs. Did he think there was another halftime coming up? Imagine if THAT one had been intercepted?

Here's another thing to imagine. Imagine if it was Eli and not golden boy Favre who threw that awful pick in overtime. Imagine how Eli would be absolutely crucified by the media and fans alike. He'd be the butt of so many jokes. But with Favre, we get these kinds of excuses:

In fairness to Favre, there were a lot of reasons the Packers lost Sunday.

But the biggest was a horribly-thrown ball in overtime that allowed the Giants to get the ball at about the 30. Horribly-thrown...by Favre. "In fairness."

They couldn't run the ball as they had in the second half of the season -- running back Ryan Grant finished with just 29 yards on 13 carries after gaining 201 in an NFC divisional playoff win over the Seahawks -- and their defense allowed the Giants to control the ball for more than 40 minutes.

Yes, the defense wasn't all that impressive. Yes, Ryan Grant didn't rush for 201 yards but it's hard to blame Ryan Grant only having 13 carries on... Ryan Grant. What is he supposed to do? Steal the ball out of Favre's hands and run away?

To understand Favre's impact on the game, all you have to know are his stats before and after halftime. He completed 10 of 18 passes for 163 yards and a touchdown in the first half. He completed just nine of 17 passes for 73 yards with two interceptions in the second half and overtime.

I love this stuff. 90 of those 163 first-half yards came on one pass to Donald Driver. So take that away and he had exactly the same yardage in both halves. And did anyone else see why Driver was wide open? Because after he and his cornerback locked up, Driver flung the corner to the ground and sprinted downfield. That's actually not allowed but since it was in Green Bay I guess that rule was suspended. (Officiating was overall pretty piss-poor, by the way, and it's good that the officials didn't cost anyone the game.)

And this following line I can't quite follow... is the author trying to sort of semi-imply that the INT wasn't all Favre's fault?

In fact, he actually thought the pass was in trouble from the moment it left his right hand. Wide receiver Donald Driver was supposed to run a "shake" route on second-and-8 from the Packers' 28-yard line, but Favre's pass sailed behind the receiver after Driver made his out cut.

Hard to say.

And the piling on Eli even hasn't stopped. They even compared Favre's pick to something Eli would do, since he's, you know, such a f-ckup:

He got a reprieve in overtime after Corey Webster intercepted a struggling Brett Favre -- the kind of mistake Manning often has made before his recent turnaround.

Actually, Eli's never thrown a pick that deadly in the playoffs so knock it off.

The other guy I'm most happy for is Tom Coughlin. Tom has been under a lot of scrutiny as well, and again by the NY media and fans. And, like Eli, it's unjustified. Coughlin has taken the team to the playoffs three straight years, which is impressive, I don't care what happens after that. And Coughlin has survived near mutinies by his teams and he's also outlasted Tiki Barber. Ah, Tiki, the jerkwad who said he'd still be playing if not for Coughlin and who said Eli's attempts at leadership were "comical".... thankfully, the Giants were free of Tiki leadership and they've meandered their leaderless way to the Super Bowl! So good for Coughlin. He's a good man and a good coach. So he's a little intense. At least we got to see him smile yesterday. And who doesn't love smiles?

My last comment on the Giants-Pack game was the weather. I love how everyone assumed it was a huge advantage for the Packers. My wife even said, "I think the Giants are going to lose because the Packers are used to this weather." And that shows that that kind of thinking was girl thinking. See, everyone, both teams have to play in the same weather. It doesn't matter that it was the Packers home field. It was subzero for both teams and human beings get cold -- I don't care where they live. And as far as being used to it... well, this was the third-coldest title game ever so I doubt any of them have experienced this level of cold. And not only that, most games at Lambeau aren't played in mid-to-late January so it's hard to imagine it's ever typically that cold in, say, November. No, the weather doesn't matter, especially when you're playing a team from a somewhat cold, Northern locale like the Giants.

Some pics from the Giants-Pack game follow.

Brr! It's cold, ya'll! I guess you won't have to read stories for the next two weeks about how back in Kiln, Mississippi I sand down balsa wood using nothing by my manly whiskers! Yeehaw!

Archie Manning hugs Tom Coughlin. I guess Archie decided to use his "incognito Indiana Jones" disguise.

Lawrence Tynes leads the way to the bratwurst and jacuzzi tubs.

Patriots Win, But In Boring-Ass Game

Was it just me or was that a really boring game? I was honestly expecting the Pats to come out and bomb the Chargers back to California. I was thinking it'd be like 28-3 at the half. But the Chahjuhs defense definitely held firm and worked Brady over. Three picks, Tommy? Three? That's not so good. Try doing that against the Giants and see how it works out. He won't, of course, because Brady never has consecutive bad games, but if he did, it would hurt the Pats. Mainly because the Giants can score touchdowns and the Chargers couldn't do anything but knock some field goals through.

Which is why when the Pats went up 21-12 early in the fourth, me and the guys I was watching with said, "That's the game."And Mrs. Money said, "Wait, why is that the game? There's like almost a whole quarter left. I don't get why you guys say that." And I then explained why we all felt that way -- the Chargers didn't look like they could possibly pump in two touchdowns in the final quarter so there was no way they were coming back. It really was foregone at that point. And it turned out to be true.

I don't have much else to say about this game because we all knew how it was going to turn out. I do give a lot of credit to the banged-up Chargers for getting this far and to Norv Turner for actually not appearing to be a terrible coach at all. Tomlinson, you're a sissy... saying you're 90% all week and then playing one series. Solid, man. Was it too cold for you in those mean Patriots' house? What a waste.

Pics from the fun in Foxboro...

Tom Brady reads a note left by last year's AFC champ QB Peyton Manning: "I still punked your ass last year, bitch."

The Pats are so good they give themselves challenges to keep the game interesting. Here, RB Kevin Faulk rushes with his eyes closed to give the Chargers at least a fighting chance.

More Proof That ESPN.com Polls Are Dumb

ESPN.com has a thingie up right now where you click on your favorite team and then vote for who you're pulling for in the Super Bowl. This is kind of clever but I'm not sure people get it.

I clicked on the Giants and it says, "Giants fans: Which team are you rooting for?" Now, shouldn't Giants fans be rooting for the Giants? One would think. And they pretty much are. But I was expecting it to say 98% for the Giants. No, after I voted, it showed 81.2% are rooting for the Giants and 18.7% for the Pats. What? What Giants fans are rooting for the Pats? If you're rooting for the Pats to have a perfect season, well, then you're not a Giants fan and I officially revoke your credentials.

Candidate For The Dumbest Thing I've Seen on Fox's Pregame Show:

Before the game started, we got to see the Fox team looking like frozen imbeciles (instead of room temperature imbeciles) because they thought it made sense to broadcast from the field at Lambeau. Somebody please explain to me what the point of this is. Do we care any more about what they're saying if they say it from inside Lambeau? Are they more credible? It's the same reason I think it's so stupid when a television field reporter is reporting on a hurricane and they go to the place where it's making landfall and stand in the storm. What's the point?

But no, just them being there wasn't the dumbest thing I saw. No, the dumbest was when Jimmy Johnson poured water from a bottle into a glass and said, "We'll see what this is like after the game!"

What? It's water, Jimmy. And we've already established that it's -2 outside. So it'll freeze. What's the point? To prove that water freezes below 32 F? Didn't we all learn this in Earth Science class? How frickin' stupid.

Candidate For The Dumbest Statistic I've Ever Heard:

After the game, Fox actually told us that the Giants were "the first team to reach the Super Bowl by beating three Super Bowl winners."

Wha?? The Bucs won their Super Bowl...when, in Jan 2003? Five years ago? With different players? The Packers won their last one, when, a decade ago? And the Cowboys won their last one even longer ago than that. Absolutely brilliant, Fox. You've found the statistic with the least meaning ever.

Stupid Michael Jordan-esque "Nobody Respects Us" Quote Of The Weekend:

After the Pats beat the Chargers to go to the Super Bowl and advance to 18-0 this season, super-sized idiot Rodney Harrison was interviewed after the game and said things about how "it's not bad for a group of over-30, washed-up, can't-run guys, huh? Not bad."

Yeah, um, Rodney? Come over here a sec. Yeah, nobody has ever said the Patriots defense is washed up. Nobody said it, nobody thought it, nobody thinks it, nobody would even dream of it. Your team is 18-0. You cannot -- I repeat, cannot -- play the "Nobody respects us" card. You simply can't. Everyone respects you. Everyone is afraid of you. Your team is a more than two-TD favorite in the Super Bowl. So shut the hell up.

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That's all for now.... but you know there will be more.

Breaking News: Green Bay TV Network To Derail Eli Manning

They sure do love their Packers up in Nowheresville, Wisconsin. Even the TV networks.

You see, WLUK, a Green Bay Fox affiliate, has figured out a way to totally mess with Eli Manning. You see, Eli like Seinfeld and runs in syndication on WLUK on the weekends at 5:30 PM. And so do you know what WLUK is doing? Get ready, strap yourself in.... and check this out, from the story:

Poor Eli: WLUK, Channel 11, which is carrying the game via Fox, has a comic bit going surrounding Giants quarterback Eli Manning, a fan of "Seinfeld."

WLUK carries reruns of "Seinfeld," including at 5:30 p.m. Saturday.

"That's exactly when Eli will be relaxing in his downtown Appleton hotel room getting ready for Sunday's game," WLUK says in a news release.

The station has pulled the program.

"Why give comfort to the enemy?" said Jay Zollar, general manager. "Green Bay Packers fans do not want any of the New York Giants to get a good night's sleep, and Fox 11 will do its part.

Wow. You're really showing the Giants, Green Bay! I mean, I'm sure the constant poking and prodding from the obnoxious New York media that Eli has enduring during his time as a Giant will pale in comparison to -- GASP -- not being able to watch Seinfeld on your crappy local network. Isn't it also possible Eli will be at a team meeting or a team dinner or with a hooker or something? I mean, if you want to make sure he doesn't have a good night's sleep, tell these chicks that Brett Favre is in the room and that he's lonely and can only perform on Sunday when he's "performed" on Saturday.