Adding Heat to Our White Hot Boiling Hating Hate of The Hawkeyes

I don't know about you, but I'm very afraid. Our Most Hated Rival (or OMHR) is coming into town this weekend and they're bringing their loyal fans.

Well, sort of. I mean, they'll be there. They think. Unless the bus breaks down. Or they can't find a place to park. Oh, and if the game goes into overtime, they might have to jet early.

Seriously, does nobody who went to Iowa own a car? Is it because farm equipment is inconvenient to drive on interstate highways? What if this game, which was only recently slated for 12 noon, had been put into the 3:30 time slot? What would they have done about returning the bus to the depot, dammit??

Based on the post I linked above, which is hilarious in the unintentional way, I see the following as the BHGP schedule for Saturday (best case scenarios on the timing):

11:00 AM -- Bus arrives in West Lafayette.
11:15 AM -- Bus is parked.
11:45 AM -- Tailgate area located.
12:00 PM -- Grills lit, beers opened.
12:08 PM -- First Iowa fan notes that the tailgating areas are emptying fast.
12:10 PM -- Iowa fans begin to realize the time. Shiny object distracts them.
12:25 PM -- Someone broaches the idea of leaving for the game.
12:38 PM -- Someone agrees and the group begins shambling towards Ross-Ade.
12:52 PM -- The group realizes they've walked a mile in the wrong direction.
1:15 PM -- BHGP fan contingent reaches their seats.
3:00 PM -- Game ends, BHGP fan contingent screams a few obscenities (win or lose) and sprints to bus.
3:30 PM -- Bus departs for Chicago.
4:00 PM -- BHGP fan contingent declares trip to Purdue a "wild success" and "the most exciting thing ever."

Bonus points to Travis of H&R for completely hoodwinking unsuspecting Hawkeye fans by leading them to believe they had a primo tailgate spot to overrun only to yank the rug out from under them, Wile E Coyote style. Well done, sir. This is what they get for underestimating you. (I know an apology will be forthcoming to Iowa fans for leading them astray, but for now I shall enjoy.)

Also, hey, look everyone, the coach bus and its crew (I envision the flight attendants from Tony Stark's private jet, don't you?) "cannot stay indefinitely afterward." I mean, they'd like to burn down West Lafayette, beat up all the fraternity boys, make out with all the women and eat all the fried cheese in sight.... but they can't. You understand. Charter companies and all.

Yeeah, brah! Let's tailgate! For ten minutes!

Speaking of charter buses, why the hell do you need a bus to transport your sorry ass from Chicago to West Lafayette? It's 120 miles. On one highway. Are Iowans this easily lost? Get on I-65 South from Chicago. That's all. Of course, this also leads me to ask what Iowans do in Chicago itself -- stand on the sidewalk looking up at the tall buildings? 

Regardless, I like that in the end it sounds like the mighty BHGP tailgating contingent is instead going to be a scattershot effort, strewn across the Purdue campus at various places and times.

Should be intimidating.

I Take It Back...I Do Have Something To Root For

I had said last week that there was nothing redeeming about the NBA Finals and that I couldn't figure out who to root for. Well, that's not entirely true anymore. While I'm loathe to support Boston in any way, shape or form, I think I might well be pulling for them to go up 3-0 tonight. Why? Glad you asked.

(All of you: We didn't.)

(Shut up.)

I heard Phil Jackson criticizing the lopsided officiating in Game 2, in which the Lakers were out-freethrown, 38-10. Sure, that's ridiculous. It's utter nonsense and Phil absolutely has a point. But it also makes him a fricking hypocrite. Wait until we see the foul-calling in L.A. and then we'll see if things have balanced out or not. I'm fairly sure the Lakers in L.A. will get their fair share of favorable calls over the visitors from Boston.

Also, seeing Kobe lose has become sort of important to me. While I'm not in favor of hearing Boston fans crow some more, I can take solace in the fact that the 18-1 choke artists will never be erased from history. So I'm cool with Boston for now. And if I had to rank Boston teams in order based upon the obnoxiousness of their fans, I think the Celts fans would rank far behind Sox and Pats fans.

And seeing Kobe pout and make stupid press conference comments as he licks his lips (have you ever noticed how much he does that? He must think he tastes delicious...) just makes me want to see him lose more... and in a painful, embarrassing way. If the Lakers lose in seven games, well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. If they go down 3-0 and essentially fold to a team that until recently couldn't beat a rec-league team unless it was in Boston, well, that would be appropriately humiliating.

Also, as mentioned, Phil Jackson is a smug bitch. Yes, yes, I know, he's a great coach. Whatever you want to tell yourself. I still contend that Phil Jackson is a very good coach who also has had absolutely phenomenal circumstances. He has coached Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant -- all in their primes. That's kind of ridonkulous. And when he didn't havae a combination of those guys, he has won precisely zippo. So there's always that. And hearing him whine like the soft, California fruitcake he's become is all the more reason to dislike him.

I also think it would be fun for ABC and ESPN's cream dream of a series to completely fizzle like a ten-year-old roman candle. Whoops, no big-time series for you, corporate swine! That's what you get for the asinine scheduling. Have fun starting those games at 9:30 at night when it's a 3-0 series! I bet a lot of viewers will be scrambling to watch that crap!

And who will want to watch all the NBA coverage on ESPN? You know, where Stuart Scott says such hot, mid-90s jingoisms as "he's the TRUTH" and "he's got his PHD -- playa hata degree!" Solid, Stu, solid.

So yeah, go KG! Go Ray-Ray! Go Paul! You're just like Willis Reed!

Cliff, Put That Thing Away!

Can you imagine doing such a thing? I hope no children were watching.

Ah, who am I kidding? I celebrate much the same way, Cliff.