Set The Earth Reverberating With OSU Hate

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 

Up today: The Ohio State Buckeyes.

Why hate the Bucks? Glad you (didn't) ask.

In a fan poll we conducted over the summer OSU fans unsurprisingly won the title of most obnoxious fans in the Big Ten. Of course, I think everyone's mindset was (rightly) on football at that time, so I wonder if their fans would also win such a poll for basketball.

And the truth is they might not, as their basketball fans kind of...suck. They play in a rarely-full, soulless building built by child slave laborers whose only shelter from the elements is the occasional evening spent in Thad Matta's nose.

They have a higher payroll than the Tampa Bay Rays.

OSU students actually cheered this.

Their merciless pummeling of the Boilers in Columbus last year.

Oh, there are many reasons to hate on the Bucks. Feel free to share yours.

9 PM tonight, ESPN.

Indiana, You Big Banana, Oh Indiana, To Hell With You*

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 


Up today: The Indiana Hoosiers.

Really? I need to do this for the IU game? You need reasons to hate them? No, of course you do not. And while most of these pregamers are meant mostly in jest, this one....well....yeah.

How about the fact that the past is not relevant when you're talking about Kelvin Sampson's violations, firing, and effective gutting of the program; Bob Knight's ignominious shit-canning, choking of players, assaulting of students and faculty; or Tom Crean's abominable record at Indiana? Yes the past is relevant when IU knuckle-draggers want to rub their 1940 national title banner in your face? I don't know, either, but that's how they roll.

IU not only hasn't beaten Purdue in four years, they haven't really been competitive. And that sucks, because this used to be an incredible rivalry and right now a whole generation of Purdue students know nothing of IU other than as a doormat. Granted, that appears to be changing, but it has allowed the rivalry to simmer somewhat from what it once was.

Sometimes teams have representatives of their program who are easy to hate; other times they are less easy to hate. Charlie Weis was a great example. He was so arrogant, so pompous...so it was actually beyond easy to loathe him -- it was fun! The same is building with Tom Crean. The phony enthusiasm, the overrated resume, the goofy-ass faces he makes.... they are all things that make me so glad our coach is not like that.

There's so much more to add... this post could be quite lengthy. So I'll leave it to you. Share away.

7 PM tomorrow, BTN.  

*This headline is the corny opening line of the alternate fight song for IU. When I was a freshman, a fifth year senior I was friends with explained that back in the day, there were alternate versions of each team's fight song that opponents would learn and sing at games. Because they were likely borne of a simpler era like the 1960s, the insults were things like "you big banana." My, how times have changed. I guess dildo doesn't rhyme, though.

Grabbing Loose Balls Against The Purple-Headed Warriors

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 

Up today: The Northwestern Wildcats.

What's to hate about the Mildcats, you might ask? I mean, they've never even been to the NCAA Tournament! Ha!

Oh wait, well, that might be one thing to hate. For those of you who identify with the conference as a whole, SEC-style, you should have an issue with this. Few major conferences (uhh, actually, maybe none) have a team that has never appeared in an NCAA Tourney bracket. Their ESPN page simply lacks the little box below the conference standings that displays their "Tournament History." I guess ESPN exercised a rare moment of discretion and elected to show nothing at all rather than a bunch of zeros and "None" entries.

OMHR Iowa hates and mocks Northwestern mercilessly, despite being routinely handed humbling (to schools that understand humility) losses on both grass and hardwood. So maybe this is more reason to hate OMHR? I don't know. Nor do I care. Hate 'em both. Hell, they have something of a little rivalry, where OMHR refers to them as just Northwestern, yet seems to always find a banana peel next to the just Northwestern bench. Yeah, that's a hatable rivalry. You two kittens are cute the way you fight over that ball of yarn.

Northwestern is for quitters. A couple of years ago, the Cats had Kevin Coble, who appeared to be a good enough white stiff on a program loaded with white stiffs to lead them to a middling seed in the NCAA tournament and a Thursday afternoon bludgeoning in March at an exotic locale like Boise or Spokane. But then Kevin Coble did what any of us would do if we had to wear a purple outfit in front of our friends. He quit. 

Please share your reasons to hate Northwestern below.

4 PM, tomorrow, ESPN or ESPN2.

Hatin' With Might and Main: Michigan

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 


Up today: The Michigan Wolverines.

What should you not like about the maize? Manny Harris' elbow, for starters, which was of course "accidental." And resulted in an ejection.

The Fab Five still is a stain on Big Ten basketball. Those guys were openly being paid off and then we're supposed to feel sorry that their banners aren't hanging in Crisler? Hey, you guys can visit your banners anytime you want in the storage closet.

Ann Arbor is a....well, you know.

Zach Novak.

The whiney 'bags from American Pie were from Michigan.

You're welcome to add your own.

7 PM, ESPN.

Watch My Points Keep Growing: MSU Haterade

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 


Up today: The Michigan State Spartans.

Have you seen the faces Tom Izzo makes? Sure, he's hard not to respect, but does anybody gnaw on officials more and still maintain his nice-guy image?

The Spartans hate America. How else can you explain the way they attempted to sink that aircraft carrier they played on with all those misguided bombs? (ZING!)

Their fight song proclaims that "Spartan teams are never beaten," yet Purdue swept the Spartans last season. So even the fight song has it wrong.

If that horn they blast at the Breslin Center to signify substitutions doesn't make you homicidal, then you're either deaf or a cyborg. Or a deaf cyborg, in which case you're programmed to be homicidal anyway.

Draymond Green only went to MSU because his name is Green.

Please feel free to add your own reasons below. 

High Noon, tomorrow. ESPN.

Get Ready To Fight Fight Fight Iowa

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 

Up today: The Iowa Hawkeyes.

They're OMHR. You're mandated by Jim Delaney to hate them. At least in football. Does that extend to basketball? I can't remember.

They marred the end of JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore's regular season careers at Purdue by failing to respect their farewell tour and beating the Boilers 67-65 on the Island of Iowa.

Quite simply, you should never trust a man with a girl's first name.

Their fight song commands Iowa youth to pledge blind allegiance to the Hawkeye regime "until the walls and rafters ring." This sounds unsafe. Also, does their football stadium have rafters?

Have you ever been to Iowa?

Why are the numbers on their jerseys italicized? To make them look faster? You're not fooling anyone, boys, you're Iowans. You move as fast as the combine harvester will take you.

Feel free to share your reasons to dislike the Hawkeyes below.

BTN, 8 PM.

Get Your Hate On: Wisconsin

Sometimes it's easy to remember what you don't like about an opponent. Other times it's harder. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, BS is here to help. In a new feature (and you know how well we stick to new features), we'll help you figger out why you should hate Purdue's next opponent, mainly using third grade playground insults and other such high-brow stuff you've come to love BS for. 

Up today: The Wisconsin Badgers.

First off, have you heard the way they say it? "Bayydghurs." We get it. You're from the upper midwest. Newsflash: Fargo got annoying after a couple hours of hearing them talk like that.

Bo Ryan (pictured, putting a spell on those who defy him) is the Grinch, which makes it ironic that he coaches a team that wears red predominantly, but really, is it all that crazy? Maybe it's just the perfect cover.

Wisconsin is notorious in both football and basketball for producing gigantic, white farm boys who excel for 2-4 years at their sport in Madison and then, magically, are never heard from again and disappear back into Bo's cauldron.

Wisconsin fans are brutes who reek of beer and cheese. (And then men are worse. *rim shot*)

Please feel free to add your own.

ESPN, 7 PM.

BTB Roundtable Week 3 -- Duck Fart Edition

MaizenBrew is this week's host of the Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable. And if you think I'm wordy, check out his 80-word questions.

We're up next week, so read up then... or something.

Off we go...

1. We're two weeks in and everyone in the Big Ten, minus the two Michigan schools and Illinois, are 2-0. This week marks the end of your early "tune-up" or serious OOC play. Are you satisfied with the way your team has played against the cupcakes on your schedule, or happy with the way they've competed against serious competition?

Well, it doesn’t mark that for everyone. The Boilers are just 1-0 and have played only Northern Colorado. Sure, the Boilers won 42-10, but it looked to all of us like Purdue was playing as vanilla as possible. Nothing out of the ordinary, certainly no trick plays, not even a wide-open playbook. They didn’t try out anything interesting. Which leads us to believe (or, more accurately, HOPE) that ole Joe Tiller is sandbagging as he has done before in early season games when a larger foe is lurking. That foe is Oregon, who comes to town this weekend for a rare, nationally-televised, early-season test for the Boilers. Normally the only early tests are against Notre Dame – when they’re decent, anyway. So this is a big one in many ways. Not only will we be better able to answer this question after the Oregon game, but it’s a big one for the Big Ten – a good showing against a quality Pac Ten team would mean a lot. Especially after aOSU gets drop-kicked this weekend by USC.

2. You knew this was coming. This week's OMG Game of the Century!!!!1!!1!! until next week's OMG Game of teh Century!!!!1!!1!! is Ohio State versus Southern Cal. Who are you pulling for and why? Further, if you're pulling for one particular team tell me why they'll win, or won't. If you're like me and will be attempting to cure a sunburn from over exposure to the sun during the Michigan Notre Dame game by drinking large quantities of whiskey instead of watching the game, state your excuse.

It doesn’t matter who we’re “pulling for.” As I said, aOSU is going to get shellacked. Write it down and put it in Sharpie. If it were in Ohio, well, then maybe. But in California? The Trojans are going to stick it in the Buckeyes. (Oh yeah, that was a condom joke.) [*High fives, returns to frat house*]

Why they’ll win? Because they’re far better than OSU… the team that almost (and should have) lost at home to Ohio last weekend. Sure, sure, one could say, “But J, you just said your team was holding back – so maybe the Bucks were too, knowing they have USC this week.” And I’d said, “Listen, jackass, the Boilers never trailed or were ever in any danger of losing. OSU trailed for most of the game and only won on a brainfart muff by Ohio on a punt and then an uncalled case of clipping on the next punt return by OSU." And then I'd flick you in the beanbag.

Oh, and as for you, DAVE, good for you going to the UM-UND game. That might be the ugliest matchup of offenses on the college football slate this month. Have fun at that yawnfest as two marginal teams have a rockfight to determine who gets to continue amping up their arrogance meter in a completely unjustified way.

3. Besides the above mentioned Game of the Century, there are actually some decent match ups this week in the Big Ten. Purdue v. Oregon; Wisconsin v. Fresno State; Michigan v. Notre Dame; Michigan State v. Florida Atlantic; or Iowa v. Iowa State. I said decent. I didn't say they were all good. Pick the best game from that group, pick the worst game from that group, and Minnesota and Illinois bloggers must post an apology for scheduling Montana State and Louisiana Lafayette respectively.

I’m biased, but even if I wasn’t I think you can make a case for Purdue-Oregon. Nobody knows if Purdue can be a challenger this year and Oregon IS clearly talented and will come to play. Wisco vs. Fresno is a good one because both schools have their eyes, legitimately, on potential BCS party-crashing. Michigan-Notre Dame is the worst game in that group because there’s nothing exciting to watch. Both offenses are terrible. Only Michigan’s defense is worth watching, and I suppose seeing them swarm Pickles at home and sending the blonde young lady to another home loss in front of the barely-still-believers would be good. But I still think that’ll be a very ugly game. Fat Charlie’s “To hell with Michigan” comments from months ago are still music to my ears because when he loses again at home, the “to hell with Charlie” comments might begin.

Michigan State and Iowa will win in blowouts. So if that’s your cup of tea, enjoy.

4. Out of Conference scheduling is always something that draws the ire of journalists and bloggers alike. You all know how weak your OOC really is. Admit it. You're sad. So fix it. Pick two teams out of conference you really wish your school would schedule. Nursing colleges and the Center for Veterinary Sciences are verboten. Pick two major conference middle to heavy weights or two heavy weight non-BCS conference programs to add to the schedule. (Please note you get to keep your two patsies per season).

Well, perhaps you haven’t looked at Purdue’s schedule, but aside from the one warm-up (patsy) against Northern Colorado, the schedule is pretty legit. Game 2, as mentioned, is the first of a home-and-home with Oregon (we go there next year). The next one is another matchup with Central Michigan who, while not a powerhouse, won the MAC last year and challenged the Boilers in the Motor City Bowl. And then we wrap up the non-conference against Notre Dame, whom Kirk Herbstreit sees no excuse for not being a 9-win team (said on College GameDay, 9/6/08).

But if I have to pick more, I pick the following…

Hawaii. Sure they’re no good anymore, without June Jones' system. So I’d like to go back in time and have them come play us the year after we went there (2006). For some reason, Purdue’s athletic dept didn’t insist on a home-and-home series. So Colt Brennan lucks out in holding off the Boilers in that 2006 matchup and his arrogance bubbles to the surface, drawing the hate of all Purdue fans. All we kept saying was that wanted another piece of them, and this time in the chill of West Lafayette in November.

As for another one, why not an SEC team? I think the Big Ten and SEC should start playing each other regularly. So what if our boys lose? Everyone already assumes the Big Ten is inferior and slower, etc. But what if a few Big Ten teams knocked off a few SEC teams? Then what would the bullet journalists (those who do their research only by reading bullets) say? Maybe it would help dispel the crap about how it’s impossible for them to go undefeated because their conference is too tough. Plus, maybe, just maybe, if Big Ten teams win some games or have impressive showings against SEC teams, some recruits might look North of the Mason-Dixon line.

5. All college football fans love to tailgate. Even you, you mothers' basement dwelling bloggers, you. Name your beverage of choice on game days. Alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage, your readers need to these things about you, to judge you. Confirm all their suspicions.

If at home, Ketel One or Svedka vodka, rocks, with a splash of Sprite Zero. No calories, so it must be healthy. If at the game actually tailgating, good old fashioned light beer – preferably Miller Lite. I used to make fun of people who drank light beer – then I got fatter and fatter and now I understand.

Bonus Question!

6. Rivalry games dot the schedule this week. If your team is playing in a rivalry game, say something nasty about your opponent then predict a lopsided score to infuriate the opposing fanbase. If you're not playing a rival, then start a rivalry by saying something nasty about your opponent and then predict a lopsided score to infuriate the opposing fanbase. Or just give me a non-offensive prediction and a reason to watch.

Oh, you mean rivalries like that white-hot, Iowa-ISU rivalry? Yeah, sizzling.

We’re not playing a rival, but the Oregon Ducks are…well, the freaking DUCKS. How intimidating is that? I know we’re the Boilermakers and that’s not like the “Wild Boars” or something…but the Ducks? Is there a drink named after the Oregon mascot?

The Boilermaker is a man's drink. A midwestern, steel-hammering, muscle-bound man.

Drinks related to the Ducks include Cold Duck Punch (not like a Donkey Punch), which contains champagne, lemonade, ginger ale and rainbow sherbert. That's manly. Why don't you just have a Shirley Temple?

Alternatively, you could go with the Duck Fart, which has Kahlua, Bailey and whiskey in it -- only the whiskey makes it kind of manly, but the kahlua and Baileys sort of hide the whiskey, I'm sure. But let's back up: Who wants to drink a fart?

Oregon fans, that's who.

Easiest Big Ten Schedule -- According to a Dumbass

No, I don't mean any of us here at BS. I'm referring to my old friend Mark Schlabach of ESPN.com.

Mark has decided to do another of his completely meaningless, rambling, incoherent, inconclusive, random lists... and this time, he's listing the ten easiest schedules in the nation. Does this mean these teams should go 12-0? Who knows? I don't think it does, because judging by the top two easiest schedules, that would be one hell of a prediction.

Iowa is the number 1 easiest, followed by IU at the second easiest, according to the knuckle-dragging Schlabach.

Ohhhhhhh, I see. This is yet another shot at the Big Ten, only this time it's cleverly veiled since saying "Sorry everyone, OSU might make it back to the title game" was beginning to get a bit tired even for hacks like Schlabach.

Okay, I gotcha. And I see the Big Ten has the top two easiest schedules in the nation. Yes, yes, definitely see your point there, Mark. It's not like they play in a tough conference at all or play a schedule as hard as, say, Arkansas State or Idaho or whomever. Yeah, the Big Ten definitely deserves to coninue to have shots taken at it.

Mark Schlabach, you sir, continue to be a fool.

You Stay Classy, Boston

Via With Leather comes this lovely video of Boston fans doing what they do best... I guess.



Yes, yes, I'm sure you're not all like that. But here's the thing: so many of you are like that. Obnoxious and semi-retarded, that is. What other explanation is there for destroying public and private property because your NBA team won a title? And I don't want to hear any bullsh-t about any of my teams because when the Giants won the Super Bowl, there weren't riots in NYC or NJ. Can you imagine if it had been the big bad NY team who was 18-0 and was upset by a Wild Card Pats team? Holy hell. They seriously would have torched all of Boston. Makes perfect sense, too. Destroy the city you support. Wait, what? Too many words.

And while I'm feeling salty, let's talk about Kevin Garnett and his jackassian performance for Michelle Tafoya last night. Tell you what, Kevin, why don't you grow the f-ck up and get control of yourself and conduct an interview like an adult? Oooh, he's so emotional! Ooh, he cares so much! Give me a break. How come every other athlete can handle an interview afterwards? That was just annoying and disrespectful. How do people like this clown?




Two quotes from that interview from Garnett stand out in particular for me... possibly because they're the only semi-coherent things he said.

1) "Anything can happen." -- Really? Like, you mean, Kevin Garnett can not only get out of the first round, but even win a title? Yeah, I guess so. Anything can happen. As long as it's not in Minnesota. Right, Kevin?

2) "Whatchu gonna say now?" -- Huh? Don't even tell me this was a "nobody believed in us" bullsh-t line. The Celts won 66 games this year. If you clowns had not won a title, you would have been colossal failures. So let's not act like you overcame so much. You overcame nothing. You overcame the Hawks, barely, and then the Cavs, barely. And then, yeah, you beat the Pistons and Lakers, all while losing more games than a champ has ever lost I believe. So what am I gonna say now? I'm gonna say, good for you guys. I'm glad it wasn't Kobe who won. But, seriously, Boston fans, does this feel that good? 40% of your starting lineup -- and 67% of your big-time players -- were brought in just this season after long, distinguished careers elsewhere. Are they really Celtics? Doesn't this feel a little hollow? No?

I mean, what if the Chicago Bears traded for Peyton Manning, Terrel Owens, LaDanian Tomlinson and a few other stars and then won the Super Bowl? Would that feel like a Bears title? Or a title that a bunch of guys won? I don't know, I'm seriously kind of asking.

That's all I got.

I Take It Back...I Do Have Something To Root For

I had said last week that there was nothing redeeming about the NBA Finals and that I couldn't figure out who to root for. Well, that's not entirely true anymore. While I'm loathe to support Boston in any way, shape or form, I think I might well be pulling for them to go up 3-0 tonight. Why? Glad you asked.

(All of you: We didn't.)

(Shut up.)

I heard Phil Jackson criticizing the lopsided officiating in Game 2, in which the Lakers were out-freethrown, 38-10. Sure, that's ridiculous. It's utter nonsense and Phil absolutely has a point. But it also makes him a fricking hypocrite. Wait until we see the foul-calling in L.A. and then we'll see if things have balanced out or not. I'm fairly sure the Lakers in L.A. will get their fair share of favorable calls over the visitors from Boston.

Also, seeing Kobe lose has become sort of important to me. While I'm not in favor of hearing Boston fans crow some more, I can take solace in the fact that the 18-1 choke artists will never be erased from history. So I'm cool with Boston for now. And if I had to rank Boston teams in order based upon the obnoxiousness of their fans, I think the Celts fans would rank far behind Sox and Pats fans.

And seeing Kobe pout and make stupid press conference comments as he licks his lips (have you ever noticed how much he does that? He must think he tastes delicious...) just makes me want to see him lose more... and in a painful, embarrassing way. If the Lakers lose in seven games, well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. If they go down 3-0 and essentially fold to a team that until recently couldn't beat a rec-league team unless it was in Boston, well, that would be appropriately humiliating.

Also, as mentioned, Phil Jackson is a smug bitch. Yes, yes, I know, he's a great coach. Whatever you want to tell yourself. I still contend that Phil Jackson is a very good coach who also has had absolutely phenomenal circumstances. He has coached Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant -- all in their primes. That's kind of ridonkulous. And when he didn't havae a combination of those guys, he has won precisely zippo. So there's always that. And hearing him whine like the soft, California fruitcake he's become is all the more reason to dislike him.

I also think it would be fun for ABC and ESPN's cream dream of a series to completely fizzle like a ten-year-old roman candle. Whoops, no big-time series for you, corporate swine! That's what you get for the asinine scheduling. Have fun starting those games at 9:30 at night when it's a 3-0 series! I bet a lot of viewers will be scrambling to watch that crap!

And who will want to watch all the NBA coverage on ESPN? You know, where Stuart Scott says such hot, mid-90s jingoisms as "he's the TRUTH" and "he's got his PHD -- playa hata degree!" Solid, Stu, solid.

So yeah, go KG! Go Ray-Ray! Go Paul! You're just like Willis Reed!