Retiring a Tag

With Notre Dame's impressive victory over a .500 WAC team on Christmas Eve, I guess we'll be retiring the "Notre Dame no bowl wins since 1994" tag.

Congrats to this stellar, 7-6 UND squad. I especially liked Jimmy Clausen giving the crowd the "shhhh" gesture as his team was stomping on the Rainbow Warriors. Classy, as always, Jimmy.

Congrats Domers!!!

Who's less effeminate?

UND and it's super-smart head coach have used their decided schematic advantage and nastiness to earn their way to the best bowl played on an island. Here are some fun facts about the upcoming game:

-The matchup forces me to break a promise I made to myself never to root for Hawaii
-The matchup with the Warriors will give Notre Dame its best chance to win a bowl game since Bill Clinton was in office
-Notre Dame's problem of playing in bowls that were out of their league, versus opponents whom they didn't deserve to be playing against, seems to have been solved...Well played, Manatee. You are playing precisely the quality of opponent you should be this post-season. Enjoy your trip, Domers!

Usually, I'm excited about Christmas Eve because I can't wait to open the present that J has bought for me...but this year, my anticipation for the next morning will be diverted as I get to watch two true college football powerhouses square off in Aloha Stadium!

Go Rainbows...errr...Rainbow Warriors...errr...Warriors!

ND Can Still Epically Fail Some More This Year

So it appears that Fat Charlie has gotten a reprieve (depending on how you look at it) and will be back to coach the Irish next season. It's, of course, funny to talk like that since the guy has another seven years on his existing contract. And I do still think there's the chance that he gets canned next week as UND has proven themsleves unscrupulous before and could very well be currently sniffing around discreetly for other candidates who won't a) turn them down (ahem, Urban!) or b) lie about their resume (ahem, George!).

Okay, though, assuming the Big Manatee is safe for another year, you might think it's time to put away the UND Haterade for the season because, really, what more can happen to them? Well, I have an answer for you.

Notre Dame currently -- eagerly -- awaits their bowl invite. And while we all wish nobody invites the mediocre 6-6 squad, you know somebody will. And Notre Dame will go and collect their paycheck.

One thing that's not often pointed out, though we try to do it as often as we can, is the fact that Notre Dame's last bowl victory came on January 1, 1994, when they eeked out a win over Texas A&M, 24-21. That was almost fifteen years ago, folks. I was in high school. Boilerdowd had hair. Tim was thin. I mean, it was a long time ago!

But that's not where they can set yet another mark in futility. No, we've heard loads about how this is the worst two-season stretch in UND history. But if UND loses their bowl game, they will drop to 6-7 on the season (after a 4-1 start, no less), which would be their second straight sub-.500 season. And do you know the last time that happened? 22 years ago, in '85 and '86, during the Gerry Faust to Lou Holtz transition.

Being able to compare any UND team to one from the Gerry Faust Era is fun, because Domers who remember Faust's teams almost vomit when you bring him up. Try it, it's fun! And a team run by such a schematic genius as Chuck Weis being compared to a Faust team, often considered the darkest period in UND history?

Well, that would just be a shravesty.

Notre Dame "Not That Far Away"

After UND got predictably hammered by USC on Saturday night, that was perhaps my favorite theme from a couple of the Domers. They're "not that far away." From what, we're not sure. From detonating the football program?

"Guys," said quarterback Jimmy Clausen, "we're not that far away."

"I really don't think we're that far away," echoed defensive end Pat Kuntz.

When a team is spouting meaningless comments like this and doing it in the glassy-eyed way that they must be doing it... well, your ship is sunk. The Notre Dame football program is a joke... and it's just wonderful to see. Sure, they've won more games this year than last, but you could argue the program has gone backwards.

This was supposed to be the year they made a HUGE step forward -- not a step to .500. Clausen is a sophomore, Golden Tate is supposed to be Superman, and the Domers had the 107th toughest schedule in the nation. Oh, and there's always that "decided schematic advantage."

If you haven't heard this already, that advantage led the Domers to not have a first down until the last play of the third quarter last night. They didn't cross the 50 until the fourth quarter. They had less than 100 yards of total offense. Pickles was 11 of 22 for 41 yards and two INTs. Read that one again. Yikes. But they're "not that far away." The fact that Clausen could say that to reporters after a stat line like that is just more evidence that Notre Dame football is a big, smelly mess. Does Jimmy actually believe that?

And what says The Big Manatee about this performance?

"I think one of the biggest aspects of today was whether we're going to play with passion and emotion," Weis said. "From the beginning of the game to the end of the game, we played with passion and emotion.

"Today, unlike last year (a 38-0 loss), when our guys got a little intimidated, I thought that wasn't the case at all here today."

No, your guys looked courageous.

I can't wait to go back to the archives and find all the arrogant posts by ND blogs about how Charlie was going to make us all pay for laughing... and how Charlie has a master plan, etc. Ha! Fat Charlie is a middling offensive coordinator when he has the right personnel. When he has to evaluate or develop talent, he's terrible. He's 9-15 since 2006. And he's probably out of a job.

I wouldn't worry Charlie...All is well.

"WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS!!!"

A few years ago as Tiller's view of success blurred a bit, some Purdue fans, myself included, began grumbling...Our Boilers had flirted with .500 records and just-above .500 records a few times too many, so we weren't happy.

So, when a program that was* once a monster in the college football world** slipped to 5-4 on the shoulders of losses to mediocre teams, one might think there would be some inside said athletic program (and inside the subway fanbase) that would want to see some things change.

Well, you'd be wrong.

There's nothing wrong in South Bend, no need to worry...The Manatee just got the always credible "vote of confidence" from his boss.

UND Athletic Director, Jack Swarbrick*** (great name, by the way) said of this season,

"We're clearly a lot better than we were last year. That's what you're looking for. You're looking for progress."

Congrats, Jack and hats off to Chuck, Pickles and the throngs of blue chips who call South Bend home...Everything is going great! Jack's got a point afterall, at this time last year, the Irish only had ONE win...If my math is correct, this year's results are a 500% improvement! Fantastic! Sign that big, handsome, smug fella to another 10-year, $30 or $40 MILLION extension, gosh darnit, he's earned it, afterall!

UND plays another very tough opponent**** Saturday as travel to a neutral site to face Navy. Can't wait to see which bowl the worthy and much-improved Irish get invited to in a few weeks!

Wake up the echoes*****, young men!

*(I'm told)

**(sorry, it doesn't ring any bells with me as my memory is foggy before 15 years ago)

***(How do you know if a lawyer's lying? What you've heard that one???)

****(Toughness of opponent defined when compared to the rest of the Irish's 'brutal' Independent schedule)

*****(The echoes I speak of are echoes of the Faust, Davie and Willingham Eras)

I Really Hate Notre Dame Week

I really hate this week of the college football season. And it shouldn't be that way, but it is. This is Notre Dame Week, and with it comes a side of myself that I really don't like -- the hateful side.

Sure, I'm a sports fan, obviously, and there are teams and schools I like and dislike and respect and detest. But then there are a precious few for whom I have nothing but loatheful feelings for. And Notre Dame is one of them.

I'm not sure if it's because of their arrogance as a program or the arrogance of their fans. Or maybe it's just the complete lack of justification for that arrogance on either's part.

The program is just not that good, and it hasn't been for quite some time. The last time they won a bowl game, lil Pickles Clausen was just a six-year-old wee lad. Last time they won a National Title was, well, the year ole Pickles was born. Two decades of mediocrity, overblown media predictions, and crushing defeats whenever a legit program faces them, have followed.

And yet the arrogance remains. From fans to alums to hayseeds who live nearby, everyone thinks Notre Dame is a notch above everyone else and that they not only are a bastion of morality and academics, but that they're also better at it all than everyone else and the only reason they've been terrible lately is.... what? Tyrone Willingham? You mean, the guy who recruited the players that Charlie Weis has won with?

Getting back to my irrational hate and how this week brings out the worst in me, one of the few Irish blogs I check out, Her Loyal Sons (and only because they are so around the bend it amuses me), has repeatedly taken shots at Purdue... and their main barb is that we're.... "boring."

I took umbrage with it last year, but really, that's fine, I guess. Purdue could be called a lot worse things than boring. At least we're not arrogant a-holes or cheaters or arrogant a-holes or underage drinkers or kind of girlie-looking.

I think I got all pissy last year because it was Notre Dame fans -- 0-4 UND, at the time -- mocking a 4-0 program. The obnoxiousness cannot be curbed. It's relentless. Just like they wish their defense was.

I simply detest the entire program. And this is one of the few times you'll see me continually use "we" as though I'm actually playing. I think the Purdue faithful as a whole feel the weight of battling Notre Dame, knowing we're in a no-win situation. Beat them -- soundly, even -- and some of them still yap and find ways to bash your program and find excuses. Lose to them.... and, well, every front-runner Domer wearing a #10 jersey at the supermarket becomes risky... in the sense that, if you're like me, you're in danger of committing assault when you see these people. And winding up in a jail cell when you're sent out to buy milk is almost never good.

Hate is a strong word. And I don't hate anyone in particular. I just detest the unwarranted arrogance. I cannot stand the big-mouth "loyalty" when things are going well. I dislike them so much that I actually become angry, more reactive than usual, and downright cranky by game time. I just want to go out there and smash Pickles myself. And maybe send someone rolling into fatty's other knee.

Losing to them is awful anytime, even when we're lousy. Losing to them when they're lousy is almost unbearable.

Let's Boiler Up.

Point/Counterpoint: (A Reminder of Why UND Can Suck It)

They're not ND
Erin Piroutek

---

I don't want to talk about the game. I don't want to rehash botched calls, questionable play-calling, or stupid mistakes. I don't want to think about the "if-only's." It's too painful. Let me mourn in peace.

Still, the trip to West Lafayette was a valuable learning experience. It made me thoroughly appreciate being a Domer.

The corn should have been my first clue that something was amiss. We took the first exit that said Purdue, anticipating the sight of the stadium ready to accommodate screaming Irish fans. Instead, we found ... corn. For several miles we drove on a two-lane road winding through cornfield upon cornfield.

Thanks to backed-up traffic, we had several hours to appreciate the corn.

Finally we made it to campus ("I thought I'd seen ugly buildings before — but now I realize I was wrong," said my roommate) and into the stadium.

But the reasons to count my blessings had just begun. Anytime there are more cheerleaders than football players, well, there's something inherently wrong. You may think I'm kidding. But I'm dead serious.

Start with the 10 girls and 10 guys, who I assume were the varsity cheerleaders. Add 10 more of each who I think were the JV cheerleaders. That's 40. Then consider the 16 flag girls and eight baton twirlers. We're up to 64. But that's not all. Count the 32 pom girls, even though I couldn't quite discern their purpose, and that brings us to a grand total of 96 cheerleaders.

And you might think there's nothing wrong with this. Spirit is good, right? Well, maybe I could excuse it if there was any spirit in the Purdue stadium. But there wasn't.

Our 12 cheerleaders are able to make the entire stadium resonate with the sounds of "We are Notre Dame." The Purdue stadium resonated with ... random noise every once in awhile when Purdue had a good play.

After an entire game in Ross-Ade Stadium, with the Purdue fans just two rows behind me, I have no idea what their fight song sounds like. They never sang it. I think the band played it every so often, but I'm not even sure about that, since we couldn't really hear the band.

Maybe we're spoiled, since when our band plays the sound resonates through campus. Even in the broadcast of the Michigan game, the Irish band could be heard loud and clear in the Big House. But I don't think it's too much to ask for a band to at least play loud enough that those sitting in the stadium can hear it. It's not like the sounds of the crowd were drowning it out.

Even the individual fans were a disappointment. The ubiquitous presence of "The Shirt" confused and befuddled them. One fan sneered, "What, did they give those shirts out for free or something?" I guess the concept of Irish unity is too much for them to grasp. Understandable I guess, since Boilermaker unity is nonexistent.

As we were heading back to our car, a Purdue student shouted insults at us from his dorm window. At this point, someone who would attack two girls while hiding in the safety of his dorm didn't even surprise me.

We walked away with our heads held high. After all, we are ND. And we don't have to spend the rest of our college careers at Purdue.

We're not ND
Aaron Purduetik

I want to talk about the game. I want to rehash an excellent game plan, stellar play of an unsung defense, and yet another nearly flawless performance at quarterback. I want to think about the what "will-be's" this season. But, it’ll take too long, so I’ll just talk about the day.

The trip to South Bend was a valuable learning experience. It made me thoroughly appreciate being a Boiler.

The countless strip clubs should have been my first clue that something was amiss. We took the first exit that said Notre Dame, anticipating the sight of the stadium ready to accommodate screaming Boiler fans. Instead, we found ...factories & strip clubs. For several miles we drove on a four-lane road meandering through strip club upon strip club.

Thanks to backed-up traffic, we had several hours to appreciate the sites.

Finally we made it to campus ("I thought I'd seen ugly buildings before — but now I realize I was wrong," said my roommate) and into the stadium.

But the reasons to count my blessings had just begun. Anytime there are more men in kilts than men in football helmets, well, there's something inherently wrong. You may think I'm kidding. But I'm dead serious.

And then there were the “cheerleaders” (if you can call them that). None of which looked like they could make Purdue’s alternate-squad…but what they didn’t have in ability was forgotten because you couldn’t hear them and could hardly see them. But they did have an excellent dance squad, otherwise known as the student section.

And you might think there's nothing wrong with this. Dancing & choreography are good, right? Well, maybe I could excuse it if any of those in the green shirts paid attention to the game. But they didn’t.

Our 25 cheerleaders are able to make Ross-Ade stadium resonate with the sounds of "Boi-Ler-Mak-Ers." Notre Dame stadium resonated with cheering only when the Boilermaker faithful cheered as our Boilers drove 96 yards, ran back a 100 yard kickoff or connected for a 97 yard bomb from the shadows of ND’s goalpost.

After an entire game in Notre Dame Stadium, with the Notre Dame fans all around me, I have no idea what their fight song sounds like. They never sang it. I think the band played it every so often, but the ND fans were too busy complaining about the officiating, they probably never even heard it.

Maybe we're spoiled, since the officials really haven’t been an important part of a game this season…none of the games have been in doubt. But, I guess I’ve come to just understand that after a touchdown, when “Hail Purdue” is being played by The All-American Band, all those clad in gold and black just stand and belt it out…by the way, we sing a lot! But like I said, we’ve been spoiled this season.

Even the individual fans were a disappointment. The ubiquitous presence of Purdue sweatshirts confused and befuddled them. One fan sneered, "What, you don’t all just wear the exact same shirt to every game?" I guess the concept of independent thinking is too much for them to grasp. Understandable I guess, since Irish “group-think” is what they’ve become accustomed to.

As we were heading back to our car, a Notre Dame student shouted insults at us from his dorm window. At this point, someone who would talk trash, after getting their arse handed to them, didn't even surprise me.

We walked away with our heads held high. After all, we thank God we’re not ND. And we don't have to spend the rest of our college careers at Notre Dame.

Crazy Old Guy Predicts 11 Wins for Lousy Program

Sure, UND has softened their schedule quite a bit, even for them, in an effort to regain some of the limelight that they so desperately crave, but it's not going to be an easy season for the Irish...It surely won't be an 11-win season...or will it?

Looking like a dumbass week after week makes Lou angry!

After taking a closer look, I think that Notre Dame lapdog and all-around senile, unintelligible old guy, Lou Holtz might not be far from right.

Let's break it down:
-SDSU is a W
-UM, that early in the season should be a W
-MSU will be tough, but these two seem to beat the other at their houses...and god's team probably has revenge on their minds
-Purdue has beaten UND once in the last 20 years in the shadows of First Down Jesus
-Stanford kids have to travel across the country...and they have tests that week that they actually have to take themselves
-I actually think UNC will upset the Irish with Davis at the helm...I'm sure he has no love for the Manatee
-Washington should be motivated to beat UND, but outside of their QB, they don't have a whole bunch going on
-Pitt has a lot to prove, but might not be too great as they've simply not lived up to anybody's expectations the last five seasons
-BC loses Ryan and a bunch of other guys...but they kinda own the Irish
-Navy, closer to home...but they'll be playing for a new coach
-Cuse hasn't been good in 10 years
-USC could beat UND with all 2nd-stringers, especially at home

I see 8 wins here for the Irish (not 11)...That should put them in the BCS Championship Game and Wake up the echoes, or return them to glory or help Pickles keep his big gay beer pong buzz.

The real question is, do 5 lousy wins versus respectable opponents afford the Manatee another season in his tight khaki pants and tighter navy blue shirt? I think if Notre Dame loses two of their games v. MSU, UM, Purdue and USC, he's on the hot seat, regardless of record at the end of the season.

News Bulletin: Fat Charlie Remains Classy

Charlie Weis, the most sanctimonious prick working in college football today (and remember, that's a prick-filled club) continued his completely intolerable -- and, frankly, unjustified -- arrogance in his media day press conference at the Dame of Notre last week.

Leaving aside his many 150-words-where-25-will-do answers that really say nothing, we'll just look at Fat Charlie's answers when asked about the very legitimate issue of his "star" QB's potential underage drinking...

REPORTER: Your thoughts on the pictures that appeared online earlier this week and what happens from here?

COACH WEIS: I'm going to answer that in two sentences. First of all, I think the obvious thing, on a serious note, I think it's important that I don't condone underage drinking. I think that's important to say. But that being said and no sarcastic moment really meant to be, but give me a break. Let's move on on.

Well, that's five sentences. And you didn't really answer it. So you don't condone underage drinking, but your answer when asked about your underage quarterback (among others) drinking is.... "give me a break"? Why don't more people call this jerk-off out? This is ridiculous.

REPORTER: Well, let me ask you this --

COACH WEIS: Let's move on.

Ah, nooo... see, fat boy, you're responsible for answering questions at a press conference. In fact, I'm willing to bet it's in your contract.

REPORTER: I'm going to ask you this question anyway. The players, let's face it, they are underage and they pose for a picture in a situation that allegedly is questionable. They were in a position where they were allegedly drinking. Your thoughts on that?

COACH WEIS: Alleged by who?

REPORTER: The website said they were participating in something called the Beer Olympics.

COACH WEIS: I said let's give them a break and let's move on. That's as far as I'm going to say. I'm not going to take it any further than that.

Oh, you said to give them a break. Well, no actually, you said "Give me a break" in the dismissive, get-a-life, I'm-trying-to-make-you-feel-silly-for-asking-that-question way. Nice try, though.

REPORTER: Not going to be any discipline?

COACH WEIS: Let's move on on.

Honestly, yes, we think this guy's a joke. But more seriously, how far can he go? How far should he be ALLOWED to go? Sometimes -- wrongly -- coaches in major college sports are allowed a lot more rope than they should get. And those are usually guys who manage to win and thus make the school a lot of money. I don't think The Big Manatee has cost ND any money yet (see their big NBC contract renewal) but he's not really all that successful, either. Especially by their fantasyland "standards."

But yeah, by all means, keep being a complete dilweed, Charlie. You're just like Bill Belichick, whom you clearly learned this garbage from... just like him, except, you know, for the championships as a head coach.

Loser.

NBC and Notre Dame Continue Lovemaking

This made the news rounds late last week, but we of course should mention this as part of our ongoing effort to balance the media fellating of Notre Dame with our own special brand of hate.

Notre Dame and NBC have agreed to remain in the sack together through 2015. This is a nice committment by NBC to their loving spouse, Notre Dame. No matter how old, fat and out-of-shape your spouse gets, you're supposed to love them no matter what... and remain devoted to them. And that's what NBC is doing, through thick and thin.

On the television programming side of life, though, it's yet another awful decision by a network that just cannot figure out how to succeed. Ten years after Seinfeld went off the air, the network continues to go in the wrong direction. Sunday Night Football has helped, The Office kind of fell into their laps, and they of course have the Olympics. But it just seems that more and more, NBC makes poor programming decisions and is often bringing up the rear in the ratings. What would possess them to show Notre Dame games? Last year brought the lowest ratings ever. I don't understand... has Fat Charlie convinced them to stick around with his recruiting prowess and flashing of his Super Bowl rings won as a coordinator?

Or maybe NBC figures it can't lose with a polarizing program like ND. Maybe they figure that because of the "either you love them or hate them" nature, it doesn't matter how they're doing -- if they go 3-9 again, people like us are going to love it.

Still, though, it just doesn't seem right. How come ND can rake in the millions of dollars you know their TV deal is worth? Mitch Albom on the Sports Reporters yesterday suggested that maybe USC should leave the Pac-10 and sign such a deal. It's a fair point.

Or maybe NBC execs just know as much about football as Cindy in Accounts Payable. From the article linked above:

"When Notre Dame is good, and they’re often quite good, they bring more attention to football than anyone else," Ken Schanzer, the president of NBC Sports, said by telephone.

Really? When were they last "quite good"? 1988? Two decades ago?

Schanzer has a son and a daughter at Notre Dame. The eldest son of Dick Ebersol, the chairman of NBC Sports, is a graduate.

Good gracious. Is this deal just so Schanzer and Ebersol can watch games more easily?

“We like them to be great,” Schanzer said. “It’s better when they’re great, but when they’re good, they maintain a high level of interest.”

It's truly amazing how the "Notre Dame is synonymous with greatness" kool-aid seeps into absolutely anyone associated with the school in any way. "It's better when they're great"?? Seriously? When are they ever great? Like I said, it's been many, MANY years since ND was actually relevant. And a true contender (and don't give me Ty's 8-0 start because they were shown to be a paper tiger that year, like so many others)... well, it's been, like I said, two decades.

Athlons Predictions

I have had the opportunity to read over the most recent Athlon's Pre-Season magazine and I think their analysis of Purdue is well-thought...that said, I think it has some flaws.

The first and most-glaring problem with it is they predict Purdue to finish 9th in the conference. They only have IU at 10th and Minnesota at 11th finishing below the Boilers. I'm not saying that it's not possible, but I just don't think it's likely. The magazine believes that Purdue's lack of returning starters is one of the reasons the Boilers will struggle. That said, Iowa has fewer returning starters, off of a pretty-bad '07 Hawkeye team, and Northwestern simply isn't that good of a team.

Purdue's lack of defensive backfield experience is going to hurt very badly, especially against teams with poised quarterbacks and good schemes...This could be one of the reason the magazine called Central Michigan a swing game...But my question for these writers is simple- Do you remember Central Michigan's defensive prowess? Curtis Painter does. The magazine also called IU a swing game in that they simply don't know who will win. Well, IU hasn't won in Ross Ade since before Tiller arrived. I'm pretty sure his going-away party will be a victory again.

Other points of interest in this issue of Athlon's includes the fact that they think UND will still finish lower in the nation than Purdue at 60th (Purdue is predicted at 54). My favorite part of the Notre Dame write-up is a quote that comes from Notre Dame's Senior fullback, Schwapp.

"Three-and-nine doesn't even sound right, especially in the same sentence as Notre Dame."

Bad news sir, it may not sound right, but it was...and your victories came against patsies. The good news is, you'll have plenty of those to fatten up on as San Diego State, Stanford, UNC, Navy and Syracuse are all on UND's schedule. The magazine calls the Purdue contest a swing game...I'd tend to agree since Purdue struggles so mightily in South Bend and neither team looks to be a world-beater coming into '08.

We'll officially weigh in on how we think the season will go as it draws closer...Stay tuned! Fall can't come soon enough, for some of us.

More reason to hate the NY Times and dislike Jim Delaney even more

"Notre Dame is the most glamorous team in college football, with a history covering Knute Rockne and Joe Montana and, if the movies are included, Pat O'Brien and Ronald Reagan."

Note to Jim "ND Shill" Delaney-
Stop fricking acting like UND is the pretty girl and the Big Ten is the dorky kid looking for a prom date.

UND is the chubby, almost pretty (in certain light), smart-ish girl with the over-rated football program and the underachieving basketball program (but a kickass women's basketball team, congrats) and you're the damned Big Ten. Act like it.

Stop kissing their asses.

Maybe Charlie Weis' Jokes Are Only Understood By Other Geniuses

Last Friday, the atrocious "Mike and Mike in the Morning" duo was "roasted" at a club in Atlantic City, NJ. They have been on the air for, depressingly, eight years now and show no signs of stopping despite being seventeen shades of awful.

However, among the horrid roast stories detailed in this article from the AC Press (and, really, what have these clowns done to deserve a roast?), my favorite is one about Charlie Weis.

Apparently, Fat Charlie showed up as a roaster and, evidently, either doesn't understand what a roast is or is too damn brilliant a comedian for people to understand. He is a genuis, after all. From the story:

But there were more bombs than success stories. Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis rambled for what seemed like forever, praising the duo and missing the whole point of the night. (Host Jeffrey) Ross summed it up best: "Thank you for that great sermon."

Can't you just picture the big, fat, arrogant prick getting up there to say some nice things because actually roasting them would be a little too much like what everyone else is doing and, you know, Chuck thinks outside the box. The Dunkin Donut box, that is.

In actuality, he was probably dreading being made fun of for his impressive tenure as ND's coach.

Crist the saviour (of UND football)

I know, I know, Jimmy Clausen is set to have a great follow-up season in '08...but let's be honest, the media was just kidding when they talked up Pickles and the rest of UND's recruiting class from '07, but they're serious this year...Notre Dame is going to be really, really good*, and Crist is on their side. Not Christ, as Jesus has always rooted for Notre Dame...but Dayne Crist, the bestestest quarterback to ever play at Notre Dame. I don't know how the Manatee will manage to line two quarterbacks under one center, but he's a genius, so he'll make it happen. Everyone's excited in South Bend- They're waking up the echoes, and whatever the hell else they do every other offseason at Notre Dame.

You know who else is excited about Notre Dame football? The media! The same guys that crowned Weis a genius...the same guys who tried to tell us Zbikowski was a good football player...the same ones who gave undeserving UND teams shots at BCS bowls...yeah, those guys are buying in yet again. I guess the last two top-10 classes weren't "smart and didn't want to win a title sooner rather than later"...Honestly though, if you want to win a title, wouldn't you attend a school that has at least won a bowl game in the last 14 years? Guess not.

Notre Dame's most recent gay-ish quarterback will follow in the footsteps of Quinn and Clausen...Heisman!!!

*really, really good is defined as 4 or more wins

Much Better This Weekend

Purdue's Baby Boilers faced a more-respectable opponent for the first time this season in the form of Horizon League school, Loyola of Chicago. Painter had the team ready as the Boilers won by more than 30...and the shooting woes that hampered them v. Lipscomb weren't evident. E'Twaun Moore started the game on the bench and responded well. He led Purdue with 18 points in a 7 of 9 shooting night. In doing so, I think he showed why he's so highly touted and might be a great one as his career at Purdue progresses. Martin continues to impress (scored 15) and JaJuan Johnson stayed solid as did Hummel; both scoring 10. Nemanja Calasan started his Boiler career by hitting his first shot, a three pointer...he finished with only 7 points.

Something to think about...
If things were just a bit different, Purdue's starting lineup might look something like this:
F Gordon Watt (Sr.)
F Nate Minnoy (Jr.)
F Scott Martin (Fr.)
G E'Twaun Moore (Fr.)
G Chris Kramer (So.)
Watt and Minnoy's strength would be greatly appreciated, especially as the BT schedule rolled around. Instead, Purdue's lack of bulk will very soon hurt them...Possibly v. Clemson, next game. No matter, Painter's got them heading the right direction- I think it will take a season or two, but this team will be good in the near future.

Where's he now? Boiler Update
I had it brought to my attention this week that ex-Purdue offensive coordinator has gone through a bit of a change since leaving West Lafayette. You can be the judge for yourself (please note, these photos have not been doctored...seriously):

Jim Chaney following his hiring by the St. Louis Rams in 2006


Jim Chaney prior to the 2007 season

Eric Jordan Update
Kelvin Sampson's rock star freshman Eric Jordan led the Hoosiers by scoring 20 points and shot 33% in IU's loss versus Xavier Saturday night. IU was #8...they will not be anymore. This doesn't change the fact that IU is a good team and that Jordan is a great talent...but I enjoy seeing them lose.

College Football
-Mizzou surprised few by beating Kansas...Much like Hawaii, Kansas had played an extremely weak schedule and their lack of play v. tough competition showed. This just in- Chase Daniel is a bad ass.

-Nebraska fired Coach Bill Callahan and stunned no one in doing so. Nebraska was coming off of a contest in which they scored 51 points...and lost by 14! I guess the Black Skirts aren't what they used to be. Callahan was 27-22...Frank Solich was 58-14 when he was fired.

-Notre Dame manhandled yet another extremely tough opponent. Despite the Manatee's decided schematic advantage, the real student athletes on the field had a chance to tie the game as the contest drew to a close. For those keeping score at home, the Irish are 2-0 in their last few games. Looks to me like the Irish will go bowling again this season.

Lee Corso may be onto something. He suggested that UND should anchor a new football conference that they would dominate...It would be comprised of academically-strong, private schools. Duke, Stanford, maybe Northwestern and others will be invited...Wake Forest, Boston College, you are not invited.

-Auburn Beat 'Bama and overpaid jackass, Nick Saban's team officially became bowl ineligible. But, more importantly, one of Auburn's own police force attacked Tiger DB, Jerraud Powers.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Troy Calhoun

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat. Congratulations, Coach Troy Calhoun! You have earned this honor.

In your first year as head coach of the Air Force Academy, you're off to an 8-3 start despite the significant limitations on who you can recruit and put on the field. For example, your star running back is just a boilerdowd-sized ball of fury who, despite his significant size disadvantage managed to pile up 173 total yards of offense against the larger, more athletic, Zeus-like, godly Notre Dame defenders, many of whom are clearly cast in the mold of Tom "Champ" Zbikowski.

It's often hard to fathom how coaches with such inferior X's and O's knowledge are able to topple the Big Manatee, but your time spent as an Air Force officer from 1989-1995 surely must have helped you out-strategize your clearly more intelligent opposition.

It is possible, however, that during this time of war for our country, that Charlie Weis has decided to build up the confidence of the service academies and make them feel more superior than they really have earned. It's hard to say. Charlie's just that kind of great guy, though. Ask him, he'll tell you.

Kudos also to you coach on not letting this one be close enough for the zebras to help Notre Dame out on a phantom pass interference call or anything like that. Your ability to motivate your smaller, weaker, less-handsome young men and spur them on to victory over the mighty force of destruction known as Notre Dame will have far-reaching impact. One example of this impact is the little-known fact that the United States government was considering disbanding the Air Force and simply deploying Notre Dame into enemy territory with Coach Weis drawing up attack formations and Jimmy Claussen piloting the F-16s. Thanks to your victory, this decision will be headed back to committee.

So fight on, Troy Calhoun, and savor this moment as there may only be another one or two of these awards deployed this season. Carry on, sir.

Wheeee!!

Pickles thinks about his Sunday morning bubble bath and manicure while wondering what it feels like to win in Notre Dame Stadium.
(Also, brrr! His ears are cold! This ain't California!)

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Paul Johnson

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Paul Johnson! You have earned this honor.

The Navy has done some great things since its establishment during the American Revolutionary War...But none have more impressive than beating the Amazing Fantastic Mighty Fighting Irish of The University of Notre Dame in 2007.

One might think that a team with eleven 300-plus pound linemen might be able to easily control the trenches when playing a team with zero players over 300 pounds and only one over 295 pounds, but they would be wrong. Logic would tell the average Joe that when the defense knows you are going to run almost every down that they'd be able to stop you...at least enough not allow 28 points in regulation...Joe would be wrong as well.

You coach Johnson led your undersized, under-talented group of future naval officers to the most important victory they'll ever achieve. Communism will eventually fall and radical religious groups will come and go, but a victory over the Irish is forever. It took three overtimes, but your players acted as if they could still play another game following the stoppage of the Irish and three of their friends in striped shirts in consecutive downs. Well played midshipmen, well played indeed.

The average sports observer thinks that attempting a 45-yard field goal to win the game is the prudent thing to do when your team has an accomplished kicker...But, it surely is not the genius thing to do. Following this coaching wizardry, your team wasn't shaken as Sharpley called for the ball on that fourth down. In fact, your guidance helped one of your players act as if he was Super Man to assure overtime...If only UND's QB had executed the Xs & Os as they had been originally drawn up the outcome probably would have been different.

Savor this victory, because this is probably the last times a service academy* will beat the University of Notre Dame. Have your fun now coach, because once the Manatee gets in just a few more blue chip players, the storyline will be much different.


*Please note that UND does not consider the Air Force Academy a true service academy as it is not located in the Northeast US.

"Delusional Domers" Should Just Be It's Own Website

We could spend all of our time around here mocking Notre Dame fans and pointing out just how delusional they are, instead of just a portion of our time. But we have other things to do, and besides, there are already those mocking Notre Dame full time.

But I found this particularly interesting. I check in on the arrogance permeating from Her Loyal Sons now and then and this particular post from last weekend is highly amusing. From the post:

Noted College Football Fan Site, CNN Money, took a look at StubHub.com statistics to determine College Football’s Top Rivalries, and, surprise, surprise, Notre Dame/Southern Cal is #1.

So as you can see, the ND/SC supply curve collides with the ND/SC demand curve way up there on the P axis above everyone else. So if you continue to claim that the Notre Dame/Southern Cal rivalry is not the #1 rivalry, you’re probably a communist.

Now, I'd like to believe these guys are just clowning around, but I think they actually believe this research somehow legitimizes Domers contention that their "rivalry" with USC is actually a rivalry and not just, you know, another victory for USC to check off the schedule annually.

Take a look at that link they reference -- do you know what it summarizes? It's the list of "best selling rivalry games on StubHub for 2007." Okay, so Notre Dame and USC had the highest average ticket prices on StubHub. What does that prove, other than that ND and USC tickets are overpriced?

And let's look further down the list.... at #11 is Purdue and Notre Dame! But wait, didn't HLS and their loyal supporters lecture us a few weeks ago about how boring and inconsequential Purdue is? But we're apparently the 11th-best rivalry in the nation! Ahead of Cal-Stanford, Miami-FSU, Army-Navy, Ok State-OU, Clemson-SC, VA Tech-VA and many others. Who knew?

Rounding out the Top 25 is Purdue and Indiana. Clearly, this list is definitive proof of the best rivalries in college sports. What other metric could there be besides ticket prices?

In other news, the Red Sox were declared World Champions because their average ticket price was the highest in 2007. (That joke works a lot better if the Red Sox didn't actually just win the World Series.) And take heart, Bears fans, as you've been crowned Super Bowl champs because you had the highest average ticket price for your home opener, according to StubHub.

StubHub, seer of all that is true and just.

Having Our Fun Now

I don't know which one's funnier, my version or the real one...







































The fact that ESPN is involved makes it all the more enjoyable...If anyone didn't question ESPN's journalistic integrity before, they should definitely now.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Pete Carroll

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Pete Carroll! You have earned this honor.

Granted, a first-year coach with less talent, worse facilities and more youth found a way to beat your mighty Trojans at USC. But this week, the coach on the opposite sideline led his team to 0 points and his team's strength, the defense, allowed 38 points with a second string quarterback at the helm...all in Notre Dame's home stadium.

The Original Genius was heard saying, "People better enjoy it now." Following the shellacking of his Irish. He continued "Have their fun now."

Well, USC, its fans, its coaches and its players all enjoyed the win, and even second and third stringers had their fun last Saturday...Thank you coach Weis for giving them such an opportunity, especially on the hallowed ground of your own stadium.

Coach Carroll, while you've never seen schemes like what The Big Manatee threw at you last Saturday, and we all know Weis clearly has an advantage over you, and all coaches when it comes to X's & O's, you overcame UND's overwhelming advantage and found a way to eek out a 38-0 victory. Even if you only get to savor this victory for one calendar year Coach Carrol, you can always take pride in the fact that SC's cheerleaders are the best dressed in all of the land.



Last season, Coach Carroll, your team enjoyed the second-best recruiting class in the country, while the underdog Irish only had the eighth-best class (for the second-straight season). Well next year, that should all change as the Irish incoming class is set to be the best in all of the land. You will have to overcome an overall talent discrepancy and Notre Dame will FINALLY get a good quarterback.

We here at Boiled Sports believe that you might have a shot to beat the Irish next season too...we're not saying it's likely since the Irish are clearly dominant* over your Trojans, but with a little luck, your little team can repeat as you did this season.

Coach Carroll, your genius took you to a national title in your third year as head coach...and you have only lost 12 games during your 5 1/2 seasons at SC...But not everyone follows your blueprint to success. Keep on keepin' on...you're a player's coach, and while that might not work for everybody, it works alright for you.


*Notre Dame's dominance in this series does not include the past 15 seasons