Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Troy Calhoun

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat. Congratulations, Coach Troy Calhoun! You have earned this honor.

In your first year as head coach of the Air Force Academy, you're off to an 8-3 start despite the significant limitations on who you can recruit and put on the field. For example, your star running back is just a boilerdowd-sized ball of fury who, despite his significant size disadvantage managed to pile up 173 total yards of offense against the larger, more athletic, Zeus-like, godly Notre Dame defenders, many of whom are clearly cast in the mold of Tom "Champ" Zbikowski.

It's often hard to fathom how coaches with such inferior X's and O's knowledge are able to topple the Big Manatee, but your time spent as an Air Force officer from 1989-1995 surely must have helped you out-strategize your clearly more intelligent opposition.

It is possible, however, that during this time of war for our country, that Charlie Weis has decided to build up the confidence of the service academies and make them feel more superior than they really have earned. It's hard to say. Charlie's just that kind of great guy, though. Ask him, he'll tell you.

Kudos also to you coach on not letting this one be close enough for the zebras to help Notre Dame out on a phantom pass interference call or anything like that. Your ability to motivate your smaller, weaker, less-handsome young men and spur them on to victory over the mighty force of destruction known as Notre Dame will have far-reaching impact. One example of this impact is the little-known fact that the United States government was considering disbanding the Air Force and simply deploying Notre Dame into enemy territory with Coach Weis drawing up attack formations and Jimmy Claussen piloting the F-16s. Thanks to your victory, this decision will be headed back to committee.

So fight on, Troy Calhoun, and savor this moment as there may only be another one or two of these awards deployed this season. Carry on, sir.

Wheeee!!

Pickles thinks about his Sunday morning bubble bath and manicure while wondering what it feels like to win in Notre Dame Stadium.
(Also, brrr! His ears are cold! This ain't California!)

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Paul Johnson

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Paul Johnson! You have earned this honor.

The Navy has done some great things since its establishment during the American Revolutionary War...But none have more impressive than beating the Amazing Fantastic Mighty Fighting Irish of The University of Notre Dame in 2007.

One might think that a team with eleven 300-plus pound linemen might be able to easily control the trenches when playing a team with zero players over 300 pounds and only one over 295 pounds, but they would be wrong. Logic would tell the average Joe that when the defense knows you are going to run almost every down that they'd be able to stop you...at least enough not allow 28 points in regulation...Joe would be wrong as well.

You coach Johnson led your undersized, under-talented group of future naval officers to the most important victory they'll ever achieve. Communism will eventually fall and radical religious groups will come and go, but a victory over the Irish is forever. It took three overtimes, but your players acted as if they could still play another game following the stoppage of the Irish and three of their friends in striped shirts in consecutive downs. Well played midshipmen, well played indeed.

The average sports observer thinks that attempting a 45-yard field goal to win the game is the prudent thing to do when your team has an accomplished kicker...But, it surely is not the genius thing to do. Following this coaching wizardry, your team wasn't shaken as Sharpley called for the ball on that fourth down. In fact, your guidance helped one of your players act as if he was Super Man to assure overtime...If only UND's QB had executed the Xs & Os as they had been originally drawn up the outcome probably would have been different.

Savor this victory, because this is probably the last times a service academy* will beat the University of Notre Dame. Have your fun now coach, because once the Manatee gets in just a few more blue chip players, the storyline will be much different.


*Please note that UND does not consider the Air Force Academy a true service academy as it is not located in the Northeast US.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Pete Carroll

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Pete Carroll! You have earned this honor.

Granted, a first-year coach with less talent, worse facilities and more youth found a way to beat your mighty Trojans at USC. But this week, the coach on the opposite sideline led his team to 0 points and his team's strength, the defense, allowed 38 points with a second string quarterback at the helm...all in Notre Dame's home stadium.

The Original Genius was heard saying, "People better enjoy it now." Following the shellacking of his Irish. He continued "Have their fun now."

Well, USC, its fans, its coaches and its players all enjoyed the win, and even second and third stringers had their fun last Saturday...Thank you coach Weis for giving them such an opportunity, especially on the hallowed ground of your own stadium.

Coach Carroll, while you've never seen schemes like what The Big Manatee threw at you last Saturday, and we all know Weis clearly has an advantage over you, and all coaches when it comes to X's & O's, you overcame UND's overwhelming advantage and found a way to eek out a 38-0 victory. Even if you only get to savor this victory for one calendar year Coach Carrol, you can always take pride in the fact that SC's cheerleaders are the best dressed in all of the land.



Last season, Coach Carroll, your team enjoyed the second-best recruiting class in the country, while the underdog Irish only had the eighth-best class (for the second-straight season). Well next year, that should all change as the Irish incoming class is set to be the best in all of the land. You will have to overcome an overall talent discrepancy and Notre Dame will FINALLY get a good quarterback.

We here at Boiled Sports believe that you might have a shot to beat the Irish next season too...we're not saying it's likely since the Irish are clearly dominant* over your Trojans, but with a little luck, your little team can repeat as you did this season.

Coach Carroll, your genius took you to a national title in your third year as head coach...and you have only lost 12 games during your 5 1/2 seasons at SC...But not everyone follows your blueprint to success. Keep on keepin' on...you're a player's coach, and while that might not work for everybody, it works alright for you.


*Notre Dame's dominance in this series does not include the past 15 seasons

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Jeff Jagodzinski

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Jeff Jagodzinski! You have earned this honor.

Much like Shelly Long left Cheers in the height of the program, your predecessor, Tom O'Brien left the city of Boston in a similar position. No one understands why in either case. That said, you've had to overcome a lot to get to where you are. While everyone at Cheers "knows your name", no one seems to know yours. But you found a way to beat a coach that ESPN and others have made sure everyone knows.

95% of the Catholics in your city root for Notre Dame because they're Catholic, yet they act like your school is run by hedonistic Protestants. We both know the truth to be much different. While UND bends academic rules for their players, you lead a bunch of young men who have to attend class and get grades in real classes...That didn't stop you from laying the wood to the "Fightin" Irish.

You also have to overcome the fact that no one has any clue what you look like...that doesn't matter to you, you simply keep doing your job.

While UND's Claussen-led offense was stymied by your defense, the real star quarterback on the field, Matt Ryan answered as the Irish. Later, UND's back-up, Sharpley valiantly led the Irish to a 2-TD loss. It was like watching a prize fight between two heavy weights...except your team was like Mike Tyson's mouth and UND was Evander Holyfield's ear. Tasty.

As Notre Dame marches toward a record-breaking season, you graciously helped out as Coach Weis seeks an 8-plus loss campaign. I'm sure you learned a lot from the guy across the field last Saturday. Granted, you've never coached in the NFL like some other geniuses have (you actually have), and ESPN wouldn't ever call you one, but in our book, Jags, you are a Real Genius.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Joe Tiller

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Joe Tiller! You have earned this honor.

While the spread was set at a ridiculous 22 points, your team was favored by everybody...except Lou Holtz. You did one of the most difficult things in sports- met expectations. Granted, you were playing one of only seven remaining D-1 teams without a win, but that matters little.

You overcame nearly two full quarters in which your team traded uniforms with the cheerleaders, yet, when the clock hit triple-0, the Boilermakers had beaten UND by two touchdowns.

Sure, the Irish have their moral victories...but your team just chalked up another REAL victory versus a coach who has a "great advantage" when it comes to X's & O's. UND has more blue-chippers on its roster this season than your Boilers have had in your entire 11-year tenure at Purdue AND they have the schematic advantage that the Manatee brings, yet your team, Coach Tiller, won the game. That is indeed genius.

Some might say the term "genius" gets watered-down when 8-10 coaches are given the same label in just one season. We don't think so, and neither should you. The prestige of this award remains large, just as Charlie Weis' ego remains despite the fact that his team can't beat anybody.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Mark Dantonio

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Mark Dantonio! You have earned this honor.

While you couldn't keep the Irish from scoring an offensive touchdown for a fourth week in a row, you did help keep that same offense in the cellar in all of the NCAA Division-I football programs.

You overcame obstacles such as losing your teams starting quarterback and his go-to receiver...that might be used as a crutch for some teams to make excuses, but not you, Mr. Dantonio. Sure, you've only been MSU's coach for about 8 months, yet your team looked like they had bought into your system and had been playing together for a long, long time. Even though your opponent returned to training camp and a journeyed back to the fundamentals of the game, these tactics couldn't overcome your team's mettle.

So savor your victory, Coach. While there might only be three or four more coaches given this award for the rest of the year, understand that you are truly in elite company.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Lloyd Carr

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But you are at the very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Lloyd Carr! You have earned this honor.

Sure, there are a lot of people who basically want to see you hung by your thumbs from a bell tower on campus in Ann Arbor for starting the season 0-2, including an embarassing home loss to Appalachain State, but you just beat one of the most prestigious college football programs in NCAA history.*

So take that well-deserved bucket bath!

You came into the game with your running back running his mouth and"guaranteeing" a win over an 0-2 Notre Dame squad (coached by a genius) that hadn't scored an offensive touchdown -- and still hasn't. Your 38-0 drubbing was impressive, especially since your freshman quarterback was making his first college start. (We here at Boiled Sports assume Ryan Mallett is an orphan since his parents were not repeatedly shown in his first college start.)

To overcome the history Notre Dame carries with it, the demi-god status of their freshman QB James Batholemew Clausen, your own fans quitting on you, as well as your advancing age, well, we salute you, Coach.

Savor this honor. Charlie Weis is "starting training camp" this week, so since he appears to know that the season has begun, future ND opponents ought to be on the lookout. Assuming Clausen doesn't become a deserter as well.


*Note: Level of prestige determined by NBC and Beano Cook.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Joe Paterno

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But, you are at very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius, when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Joe Paterno! You have earned this honor.

I've heard it said that you are little more that a figurehead or a face of the program, at least in recent seasons, but, I don't know to whom else I could bestow this honor, so you're our guy. You led your team into a game in which the Irish had little to lose and were a 17-point road dog. That is sometimes the worst type of opponent to face. Yet, your Lions whipped the Irish...and if it wasn't for an INT for a TD, it would have been worse.

Well played, young man, you still got it. Savor this honor...there may only be five or six more of these awards given out this season.

Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius: Chan Gailey

If you can out-think, out-wit, out-prepare and beat a genius, what must you be? I don't really know. But, you are at very least considered the Boiled Sports Weekly Real Genius, when you accomplish such a feat.

Congratulations, Coach Chan Gailey! You have earned this honor.

Sure, there will probably be six or seven more coaches like you, this season, but, you are what you are.

You overcame UND & NBC's homefield advantage to lay a 30-point whipping on the Irish. In fact, I don't think they've been beaten at home like that in a few years. Granted, UND has three inexperienced quarterbacks who all looked like cheerleaders in football player clothing on Saturday. But isn't a true genius supposed to be able to overcome talent & experience discrepancies with his game plan? One would think so.

UND's coach has had two top-ten recruiting classes in a row...yet the cupboard still looked pretty empty on Saturday...But Weis is still hungry for a victory.



Next up, the genius will match wits with JoPa in Happy Valley.