"PLAYOFFS? Don't Talk About..PLAYOFFS?"

And now that wonderful Jim Mora moment will live on with a whole new group of fans as Coors Light made use of it and made it perhaps the best version of those press conference commercials. (I especially love how at the end the guy's like, "okay, forget I brought it up.")

Anyway, we’re back for Week 2 of the NFL Playoffs, with the mediocre, drama-filled teams got bounced out last week. And appropriately so; nobody wants to see the Giants lose 41-0 at Chicago while Eli throws four picks and looks cold the whole day.

As for our picks? Well, we did well.

Tim: 3-1

Boilerdowd: 4-0

J Money: 3-1

Well, now things get interesting. There are only eight teams left and, truthfully, they’re all pretty good (well, except for the Seahawks). Last week we looked at the quarterbacks for each team so this week we’ll look at the coaches and try to figure them out.

We start with the Eagles at the Saints. Philly coach Andy Reid is a jolly-looking fellow and he falls into the “Fat Coaches” category. He looks perfectly at home in a group that would include Bill Parcells, Charlie Weis, Art Shell… you know, guys like that. However, fat coaches haven’t seemed to be that successful recently, as guys like Jon Gruden, Brian Billick, Bill Belichick and Bill Cowher have been winning Super Bowls. So I think I have to personally go against Andy Reid as a likely successful coach. What’s he saying in this picture? Well, I’m not sure. Most likely, “Bring me another connoli!”


Moving on to the Saints, they’re coached by first-year head man Sean Payton. Now, Payton was a member of Bill Parcells’ staff last year but what people forget was that the year the Giants went to the Super Bowl, Payton was relieved of his play-calling duties as offensive coordinator by Jim Fassel with about 5 or 6 games to go in the season. Not the best thing to have happen to the career of a young O-coordinator. Nevertheless, Payton appears to be saying, “Follow me, men, and I’ll lead you into the playoffs! Oh, and does anyone have any suggestions on what we run this weekend?”

The other NFC game is the Seahawks at the Bears. Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren is not exactly what you’d call a “Fat Coach,” but he’s not slim, either. In this picture, he’s shown demonstrating his mind powers that he used to make the ball slip out of Tony Romo’s hands last week. Yeah, I think he’s lost it, too. Plus he’s taking his underachieving team into Chicago. It’s hard to picture the Seahawks in the NFC title game but that’s what will happen if the Rex Grossman from about half the season shows up and throws some ugly interceptions.

And speaking of those Bears, they’ve been led very well by Coach Lovie Smith in recent years. Lovie has done a great job playing to his team’s strengths over the past two seasons. Last year, they had then-rookie Kyle Orton as their starter and this year they have inconsistent Rex. So they play up their D and try not to let the offense kill them. It’s worked very well and there’s no reason to think it won’t work again in this round of the playoffs. In his photo, Lovie appears to be on the same page with us as he shouts, “No, Rex, under no circumstances are you allowed to audible to a passing play! Nooooooooo!”

On to the AFC, where the first game we’ll discuss in the Colts at the Ravens. Colts coach Tony Dungy is a calm, effective guy but he catches a lot of flak for not winning in the playoffs. Whether you like the Colts or not, I think a lot of people will have a hard time being upset if Dungy and Peyton win it all together one day. Interestingly, in this picture, Tony appears to have a device set up where he can take play calls from “Little Tony.” I’m willing to bet it’s a draw, up the middle.

Facing Dungy will be Super Bowl-winner and all-around arrogant jackass Brian Billick. At times, especially after their Super Bowl win, Billick seemed to act as though he believed he invented the game. The truth is, his teams have always been a lot like the Bears, with an amazing defense and a suspect offense. Everyone keeps saying that this is the Ravens year because they have Steve McNair, who is far from risky. In reality, I’m not sure how much better McNair is since he can’t throw downfield very well anymore and he’s only got like one leg. Right? In his photo here, I guess Brian is angry. Either that or he’s at a rock concert.

And now we move on to the best game (at least on paper) of the weekend, Pats at Chargers. On the one side is Bill Belichick, who says little but whose picture simply says, “Check this out, bitches.” Belichick has the clear advantage as far as confidence from the players and fans, while his opponent… well, not so much. People love to talk about how amazing Belichick and Brady are and how unbeatable they are. This was the same topic in past years and in some of those years the Pats were unbeatable and then last year…they were very beatable. In fact, the amazing magical un-rattle-able quarterback Tom Brady threw a critical interception to Champ Bailey that basically allowed the Broncos – quarterbacked by Jake Plummer, I might add – to knock the vaunted Pats out of the playoffs. Sure, Belichick and Brady have had success but if you think that’s going to win them this game by itself, you’re crazy.


Almost as crazy as Marty Shottenheimer, who is either going insane or working on his faces to make at officials and opposing running backs. Marty has determined if he can make Laurence Maroney laugh really hard during a play, Laurence might just be easier to tackle. We’ll see how well this works, though. My advice would be to give the ball to LaDanian Tomlinson…a lot.

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So the picks this week from us. As I said, we went a collective 10-2 last weekend and we’re feeling smart right about now which is why the wheels will come off at this point. Here we go.

Tim:

Eagles over Saints
Bears over Seahawks
Colts over Ravens
Chargers over Patriots

Boilerdowd:

Saints over Eagles
Seahawks over Bears
Ravens over Colts
Patriots over Chargers

(Or, if you’re scoring at home, the complete, 100% opposite of Tim’s picks.)

J Money:

Saints over Eagles
Bears over Seahawks
Ravens over Colts
Chargers over Patriots

I don’t feel at all confident about the Chargers pick but I am hoping for a Chargers-Saints Super Bowl so I’ll roll the dice.