Another IU Video To Be Proud Of

Holy....uh... is this what I think it is? A remix version of the IU fight song? Why? Why would you think it's okay to do this to your alma mater? I'm surprised this wasn't sent to us by someone along the way (was put on YouTube in September)...and if it was, my apologies for missing it.



So anyway, it's yet another truly pathetic video, this one featuring a couple of white Usher wannabes singing (if you can call it that) the IU fight song. And then, of course, there's the obligatory shot at Purdue girls... while celebrating how easy IU girls are. Oh, but it's not just a shot at Purdue girls... at 1:57 they state that "Purdue girls all got d-cks."

Okay then.

You know, we say slightly off-color things sometimes, but if you're an IU fan or alum and this video doesn't absolutely disgust and embarrass you, then you're just as classless and ignorant as the losers who made this video. I also think if someone made a video trumpeting how awesome Purdue is (and filmed on Purdue's campus) and in the middle of it made a comment that crass, I'm pretty sure Purdue would ask them to cease and desist. You know why? Because no Boilermaker wants to be associated with being a low-class, piece of trash. 

My co-editor here is married to a Purdue girl. I dare you to say this to his face.

But be proud, IUers! These guys are representing the school you went to! Or, for most of you, the school you cheer for but never attended a class at.

"Purdue Guy" gets honored and honors others...and Notes

When I say an athlete is a "Purdue Guy", do you know what I mean? My definition is pretty easy to understand- They're typically hard-working, talented (yet a bit under the radar) and always respectful and respectable as they represent the university.

This year's trio of Seniors on Matty's squad are pretty good representations.

For the football team, Keith Smith, Craig Terrell, Rosie Colvin and the Ambassador- Drew Brees come to mind right away. There are others.

But, possibly the most-decorated "Purdue Guy" in recent memory, Ryan Kerrigan helps personify my definition.

First off, he's a great athlete. His teammates know it, his opponents know it...even the media and coaches know it. But it hasn't always been that way...he worked hard to become the lovable monster we became accustomed to expecting big things from, by his Junior season.

He was recruited out of Muncie, with his best offer, outside of Purdue, from Cincinnati. He was a 3-star player- solid...but by no means was he the talk of the nation or the apple of powerhouses in the nation, but he became one of the best players in the nation.

After being recognized by everyone because of his abilities, he decided to publicly-recognize those who had helped him get to where he is today via a note to the Starpress. He thanked the city of Muncie, the people who supported him, his coaches and his High School.

Hats off to Ryan Kerrigan for being a guy that's easy to wish success upon...and for being one of the good guys to do big things! Can't wait to see what he does at the next level.

Afternoon Delight

If you've looked at Purdue's upcoming schedule, you might have noticed an oddity.

Our Boilers will be playing at Michigan in the BT opener in a rare, non-weekend, non-holiday, 2:00 pm game. I think this is a real positive for our Boilers as the students will already be out of town for Christmas break and much of the fanbase will have to work on that Tuesday. Maybe it's just working stiffs like me who have to work the week between Christmas and New Year's Day, but I doubt it. Hopefully this one has the feel of a neutral court.

New York State of Mind

Coach Keady made it official that he has moved on from his time living in West Lafayette by hosting an auction of some of his "prized" possessions. There's some interesting stuff in here...but there's some stuff that looks like it was taken from my grandma's house as well.

Who wouldn't want a green velvet chair? I know the answer to that question.

Check it out for yourself.

Perfect last-minute gift

If you're interested in giving one of the greatest t-shirts ever produced to a loved one for Christmas, there's still time...but barely. If you want to have a Mission Houston shirt by Christmas, order quickly...we'll get it in the mail as soon as we receive the order. If you're in the Midwest, you probably have until Monday...outside of there, I wouldn't gamble with the USPS' delivery guarantee- order today.

Gosh, I Can't Figure Out WHY People Hate Duke

As promised on last night's Handsome Hour, here's the photo capture of Brian Goonbek's white-man-trying-to-be-street rap-gesture during the P Diddy intro to the National Title game on Monday night.

"Brian make Z! Ooga ooga ooga!"

Like I said, just in case you needed more reasons to hate Duke and their fans. Their fans who, as I posted via FB yesterday, decided the best way to write about their championship was to tell the rest of the world to F off -- repeatedly -- and to make up absolutely laughable nonsense about how the refs were out to get them.

That's enough about Duke until at least December.

We're Just Going To Go Ahead and Dislike Both These Guys

By now you've likely heard that Bob Knight made some negative remarks in the direction of Coach Cal over at Kentucky. To quote Knight:

“We’ve gotten into this situation where integrity is really lacking and that’s why I’m glad I’m not coaching. You see, we’ve got a coach at Kentucky who put two schools on probation and he’s still coaching. I really don’t understand that.”

Wow. Please don't make us sound like we're defending slimy Coach Calipari please, Bob.

Yes, the last two places Calipari coached both wound up on NCAA probation right after he left and had to vacate wins and Final Four appearances. But Calipari was not found guilty of any wrongdoing. No, the good old days were not so much more virtuous, Sir Knight, as RTC points out.

However, we tend to believe in the principle that often times, where there's smoke there's fire. Calipari leaves smoke wherever he goes, so whether or not he was directly responsible or not is probably splitting hairs. Slick guys know how to avoid getting pinched. Non-slick guys give hoochies their personal cell number and then wind up with their wives attacking them with a golf club.

So, yes, Bob Knight might have a point about Coach Cal being slippery. However, when you've choked players, accosted students, attacked an assistant coach, choked a sports information director, wiped your ass and shown it to your players, thrown chairs at officials and players, and told the world to kiss your ass, well...you don't get to act like you're a pillar of class.

Hey, Remember When Matt Painter Did This?

Remember when Matt Painter was photographed lying on some chicks with a doofy smile on his face? Oh, no? Oh. Well, what about that time Tom Izzo rapped? No? Hmmm... how about the time Bruce Weber took his shirt off and painted himself and stood in the student section like a buffoon at a women's basketball game?

Wait, none of that happened? That was somebody else?

Gotcha.

Nothing Says Stand-Up Guy Like Ducking Media Obligations

Thanks for the support, guys! See ya, suckers!

In recent weeks, Charlie Weis has become less and less arrogant-sounding and more and more contrite, even admitting last weekend that he wouldn't blame UND if they cut him loose (his buyout will cushion the fall, of course). Reports circulated that he had cleaned out his office, though who knows if those are accurate. AD Swarbrick told Weis not to go on his west coast recruiting trip and instead head right back to UND after Saturday's inevitable loss to Stanford. And Charlie is now apparently telling friends that he's had contact with at least six NFL teams about coordinator positions.

Speaking of that last point, if I were Notre Dame, I might view that as tampering or maybe Charlie acting inappropriately, and I might try to reduce his buyout as a result. BC fired their coach for listening to other job offers -- how is this any different? Notre Dame is still paying Chuck a lot to be their coach. If his instructions are to lay low, he should lay low and not be fielding job offers. But I digress.

UND lost their last game of the season -- and fourth consecutive -- to finish 6-6, a mere one game better than our rebuilding Purdue program. So about 25 seconds of that September game against them is now all that stands between them being sub-.500 and Purdue in a bowl game. Interesting, given the star-talent on that squad.

After the game, everyone was of course eager to hear from the coach. He had shunned an interview during the game and so this was the first chance to talk to him about this game and his future. As I've said before, part of being paid all these gobs of money is being required to speak to the media and, by extension, the fans. Not doing so is a giant "F U" to all of us. And also, maybe more tellingly, to his players.

These guys stood up for Coach Weis in recent weeks, talking about how they would want him back. Current and former players said firing him would be a mistake. Even after the Stanford loss, when his defense did him no favors, Jimmy "Shiner" Clausen said he wouldn't be at Notre Dame without Coach Weis' influence. Golden Tate said the coach has played a huge part in his development. High praise, and the players have consistently defended their embattled coach.

And how did he pay them back?

By not showing up to speak to the media and leaving his 18-22 year old players to answer questions about the coach's future at Notre Dame. Questions they have no idea how to answer, nor should they. It's awkward and embarrassing and something they should not have to deal with.

But that's what you get with this kind of classy guy.

UM Blogger Gives Pointers on Class; Rest of Conference Laughs

So Maize N Brew decided to attack us for having an opinion when their coach took ours to task in his press conference when nothing he was asked had anything to do with the game he had just lost. MNB also advised us to "stick to topics [we] actually know something about."

Gotta tell you, junior, as tempting as it is to ask you for permission on the topics we write about, I don't think it will happen.

And let's also say this up front -- we don't mind being taken to task. It's fine. But to imply we're dumb or short-sighted or ignorant or "uninsightful," well.... okay, maybe those things are accurate. But to be called out by a MaizeNBrew for such things is sort of like Rosie O'Donnell giving us tips on being trim. Doesn't make much sense.

Let's deconstruct the MaizeNBrew hissy fit. It is fun to see that, just like their coach, they look for things that aren't really relevant to focus on. Fitting.

Boiled Sports had a few things to say about Rodriguez's post-game comments regarding Hope's low-class move after the game. Quite frankly, who the hell cares?

Evidently, you do. Enough to attack us.

Nobody, that's who.

Besides you.

Hope apparently didn't like Rodriguez calling out a blatant cheap shot several weeks ago that just so happened to be by a Purdue player.

Which, when I wrote the post, I specifically said up front that I didn't like the Reckman hit at the time OR the way Hope handled things with your hypersensitive coach. How about YOU try reading for content? Or was English an elective at Michigan?

Of course Rodriguez's singling out of this play has nothing to do with the fact that it was Purdue and Hope but EVERYTHING to do with the fact that the Big 10 conference set itself up as judge and jury of such actions earlier in the season. Hope naturally is too uncouth to understand this

Wow, speaking of sticking to topics you know something about and showing some class... way to call a coach you know nothing about "uncouth." What do you call a coach who violates rules by overworking his players and whose players then agree to snitch on him?

and so instead of focusing on his team's great win, Hope figured he'd really stick it to Rodriguez. What a class act.

We already acknowledged we didn't love it, as did Hammer and Rails. What more do you want? For better or worse, Hope's a loyal coach and loves his guys. This is how you build loyalty and keep guys from transferring away. You know, if you're into that sort of thing.

BS continues on to make a rather insight-less rant about Rodriguez's future and generally looks foolish doing so, which is pretty apropos actually.

Wow, that's quite a shot across the bow of the SS Boiled Sports. We're "insight-less"? How so? And we look "foolish" calling out a guy who we are coming to believe is imbalanced, given how he veers off-topic all the time, continues to tell your fan base they shouldn't expect things to improve soon, and cries at the drop of a hat? I'm not sure your anger is really with us, laddie, but maybe it's with Rich. Daddy issues are complicated, we understand. But this is what we call "projection." Show us on the doll where Michigan football hurt you.

And why are you defending RichRod like this? Is Rich's wife aware that you two are dating?

How about you lads stick to topics you actually know something about and celebrate your once in a generation win with some class? Too much to ask?

Again, thanks very much for offering your mad editorial skillz and suggestions. We did celebrate the win and we didn't call you out for having a problem with Hope, so why get personal with us? I only ask because you're clearly an expert on "class." Because nothing says class like a coach trying to avoid hard questions by calling out another coach.

Have fun getting curb-stomped by Wisconsin and Ohio State, and congratulations on being the fourth-best Michigan blog out there.

More On/Moron Blount

There are those who are calling last night "disgusting" and for Blount to be bounced off the team and they're probably right. It's hard to fault a guy for being totally pissed -- especially when a goofy goon from the other team slaps you on the shoulder pad and probably says something inflammatory. However, if he'd done anything else besides punch him -- like, just getting in his face, etc. -- then we wouldn't be talking about this.

Instead, Lame Duck Blount jacks him and then backpedals away while hoping his teammates will "hold him back." SportsCenter even mentioned him "having to be restrained" by teammates. Watch the footage, though... he actually wants no part of fighting the Broncos linemen. After all, he was already minus-5 against them for the night. (rim shot)

For those who didn't stay up to watch, you also missed AD Belotti (former Coach Belotti) forgetting he's no longer the coach and actually coming down to the sideline to give some tips to Coach Kelly. Yeesh. Way to undermine your new young coach in front of a bunch of your recruits, Belotti.

Regular reader Gregg Z, who is married to a Duck (not a football player, though) and who used to live in Portland, describes what Oregon fans have become thusly:

"[Duck fans] possess the arrogance of Notre Dame boosters, with all the redneck characteristics of Iowa supporters-- quite the perfect storm."

Wow, next weekend should be fun.

Brady Quinn Learned Teammate Qualities from Charlie Weis

It appears Brady Quinn learned all about throwing teammates under the bus from his old mentor, and fellow stand-up guy, Chuck Weis.

According to this story from ESPN, Quinn gave the hand signals Derek Anderson would be using in a scrimmage to the defense so it would be harder for Anderson to succeed. You know, the same Derek Anderson Quinn is competing with for the starting Browns QB job.

Derek Anderson said the radio receiver in his helmet wasn't working Sunday, so he had to work with hand signals. Anderson said Brady Quinn, who was quarterbacking the White team, schooled White defenders on those hand signals, which made it harder for Anderson to work a drive filled with short passes.

Great guy.

(Thanks to reader Joey for the tip.)

Bob Knight Is Still An A-Hole

You know how we were all getting to like Bob Knight a little too much for our own comfort level? Well, he reminded us all that he's still a jerk by -- get this -- getting bitchy about being asked about throwing the infamous chair. You Been Blinded has the story.

Sure, I agree it's been a long time and the guy has done far more noteworthy things. We're willing to give him that. But when you continue to cash in on that obnoxious (and dangerous) act for decades, including as recently as a commercial run during the Final Four... well, then shut up.

If you don't want to click through to You Been Blinded's story, here's the video... and Bob gets ranty at about the 2:30 mark:



Classy, Bob, classy. Still dropping f-bombs to try to intimidate people.

You Stay Classy, BC

As you may have heard, BC head coach Jeff Jagodzinski is on the Jets list of coaches they'd like to speak to about their vacant head coaching position. You may have also heard that Jags is going to be canned if he goes through with the interview, as per BC's AD, according to sources.

If this is true, it's kind of ridiculous and really bad for BC football. In recent years, when Purdue football has continued the downward trend of mediocrity and I, on one or two occasions, got so mad I uttered something about firing Coach Tiller, Boilerdowd often calmed me by pointing out that the University just can't do that. You can't bring on a guy who does a good job and then, before he can leave on his own terms, boot him out. And the reason you can't do that is because of how other coaches will look at the job. If you're an up-and-coming coach who has a couple of decent options, and one of the programs has a history of firing coaches for interviewing for jobs in the offseason, well, that's not exactly an appealing place to be.

What is Jags supposed to do? Be BC head coach for life? Or until BC fires him or forces him to "resign"? I'm all for guys honoring contracts but I don't have a huge problem with coaches jumping to new jobs because there's nowhere that says the school has to honor the contract (yes, I realize you get paid but you know what I mean).

And now, assuming this threat is true, no matter what happens, the damage is done. Whether Jagodzinski winds up as the head coach of the Jets, stays at BC, or gets canned -- the word is out that BC is willing to threaten their head coaches in this manner. Not a good thing for your program.

Retiring a Tag

With Notre Dame's impressive victory over a .500 WAC team on Christmas Eve, I guess we'll be retiring the "Notre Dame no bowl wins since 1994" tag.

Congrats to this stellar, 7-6 UND squad. I especially liked Jimmy Clausen giving the crowd the "shhhh" gesture as his team was stomping on the Rainbow Warriors. Classy, as always, Jimmy.

Tommy Bowden is Now Available

Breaking news on ESPN.com reports that Tommy Bowden has been canned as Clemson's coach. This is kind of unusual to do during the season.... most of the time they just finish out the year and are let go then. It's not the NFL, after all.

My first thought, I'll admit, was "I wonder if Purdue could get him?"

I know, I know, not fair to Danny Hope, our coach and savior in 2009.

But what was really interesting was some of the commentary by brat QB and his clearly classy father about Bowden.

"They just told us. It's what he deserved," said senior quarterback Cullen Harper, who was benched after the Tigers' loss to Wake Forest loss and replaced by highly regarded sophomore Willy Korn. "Dabo Swinney is a fine man and will do an excellent job."

Wow, classy kid. Way to kick the guy on his way out of town. And then you hear from his father and realize why he's already an arrogant little prick.

Harper struggled playing behind an inexperienced offensive line this season. His father, Jeff Harper, an offensive lineman on Georgia's 1980 national championship team, said Bowden's dismissal was justified.

"I'd call it karma," he said. "I thought it needed to be done. I think anytime a head coach or someone in a leadership position starts to place blame on his coaches and players, it weakens their respect on the team. His past experiences have shown he's done that."

Yeah, he was also 72-45 at Clemson, but hey, he benched your kid so you're probably right.

Well, Ain't That A Kick In The Head

In another display of that Olympic spirit and sportsmanship we keep hearing about, a Cuban Taekwondo fighter kicked a referee square in the chops (pictured) after he was disqualified for taking too much injury time.

Now, I've got no problem with him protesting the outcome of his match if he thinks he was wronged, but this is just scary. The World Taekwondo Federation is talking about banning him for life and that's probably the correct move. If there's anything there has to be zero tolerance for in a fighting sport, I think this might be it.

News Bulletin: Notre Dame Fans Remain Classy

Wow. So as you probably have seen if you're a scouring scoundrel of the Interwebs, The Big Lead took some flak from ND "fans" over posting the fairly innocuous pictures of Jimmy Clausen drinking at a party. Well, the drinking was fairly tame -- the outfits were fairly embarrassing.

As TBL displays in a post today, here's an example of an email he received regarding those pics:

Hey,

What kind of scum sucking c**t posts pictures of college kids drinking beer at a party?

I don’t give a sh*t if it was J**** F**king Ch****, only a worthless cocksucker trades in this kind of sh*t.

F*ck you.

I can only assume this email came from Charlie Weis, Rudy or Jimmy Clausen's mom.

And yeah, I know, I know, one mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, douchenozzle doesn't represent an entire fan base... sure, sure, I've heard that before. And it's true.

Most of the time.

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Also, hey, if you didn't bother clicking through to see the other pics TBL has, here's perhaps my favorite one. Is that a shredded bottom shirt Jimmy Montana is wearing? Oh, dear, does our hero also tie the little shirt off to the side in order to expose his midriff while prancing around his room wearing leg-warmers and aerobecizing to "Maniac"?

Yep, Pat Knight Is Definitely Head Coaching Material

I think the caption for the accompanying picture should be something like, "Doy-uhh... what ha-ha-happened?"

I don't know why I take such delight in Pat Knight's Texas Tech Red Raiders getting absolutely dump-trucked by Kansas last night 109-51.... oh, no, wait... I do know! Because he doesn't deserve his job!

I know Pat's team knocked off Texas over the weekend (I saw some of the game -- hooray for living in Texas) and that's a fine victory... but the mark of a good coach/team is the ability to not suffer a letdown after a big win. That victory means pretty much nothing now after the steamrolling the Red Raiders took last night.

See, I imagine that Pat allowed his team to feel absolutely wonderful about that win over Texas instead of reminding them that they had a huge game on the road against Kansas coming up. And sure, I understand that it was senior night at KU and that KU is a far superior team... but, he lost by almost sixty freakin' points!

Can you imagine if IU lost by 58 points? Or UCLA? Don't you think there would be immediate calls for Dakich's or Howland's jobs? I do. I think the Universities would be embarrassed and would be looking for someone to take the fall.

Of course, Patrick showed glimpses of his father's classiness during his halftime interview when he said, "Nobody showed up to play tonight."

Got nothing to do with you, though, right.... "Coach"?

Shocking News: Chris Berman Is A Douchebag

I'm not normally one to just lift a post from elsewhere and pass that off as posting, but this is one I just had to bring your attention to. I think most of our readers know of or regularly read Deadspin. And if you don't, you should check it out. Regardless, I just jumped over there for a minute since I hadn't yet today and they've got the following video of Berman posted.

I share it here again because all of us here at BS unequivocally cannot stand Chris Berman. He's a dinosaur whose schtick was never funny or nearly as clever as he believed it was. Plus, I think it's safe to say we all always thought he was probably this arrogant of a douchebag when off-camera and so we're glad to see it confirmed.

Also, dude? Get over it. Somebody moved. Deal with it. You're supposed to be able to concentrate. You're supposed to be a professional. Not a whiny, repetitive, obnoxious, talking, fat vagina.

A Smattering of Super Bowl Babble and a Thought on Plagarism

Rodney Harrison (pictured), noted cheater and performance-enhancing drug abuser, spoke earlier this week about his team's performance against the Giants on December 30. Specifically, he talked about the defense, of which he is a part.

I don't have the exact quotes here because I saw him talking about it on SportsCenter, but his general feeling was that he "doesn't want to take anything away from the Giants because they played a good game..." oooh, boy, here we go... "but, we did not play well that day. In fact, that was the worst we played all year."

I see. This reminds me of one of the many times when Fat Charlie used some kind of backhanded comments in his typically classy way and Boilerdowd emailed me and said, "He reminds me of someone who apologizes to you for your reaction, not for his action: 'I'm sorry you were upset after I called your sister a whore....furthermore, I'm sorry she has to dress like a prostitute.'"

That's kind of like Rodney Harrison right now. Yeah, he doesn't want to take anything away from the Giants, but, well, he's going to anyway. We'll see, Rodney. I have no doubt the Pats are the better team, but with a 16-0 record on the line and not a single person on the team suggesting they didn't care about that game, you guys had no reason not to bring your A-game. How about admitting that maybe the Giants game-planned well. Not well enough to win, we all remember, but pretty damn well.

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Following up on my post from earlier in the week about classy Boston-based writer Jessica Heslam, her commentary made its way around the 'net, and one of the best follow-ups is over at Joe Sports Fan where they post this picture, featuring a classy Boston fan -- most likely taking a break from reading Wine Spectator -- showing off his love for Purdue alum Rosie Colvin. Only he has Colvin's name spelled wrong. Maybe he has a properly spelled one in his "sturdy" Volvo.

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One final note in this post, and maybe it deserves to be its own post, I don't know.... but earlier this week, the fine gents over at Black Heart Gold Pants fired a shot across the bow of another blog, Off The Tracks. Now, I'm not here to defend OTT because it's a Purdue blog -- or even to "defend" it at all. We know Travis a little bit and he's always got thoughts on what's going on at Purdue, in the Big Ten and even across the country. We often don't agree with his takes but that's what makes for healthy debate. Plus, we're jerks anyway.

However, BHGP actually accused OTT of plagarism for this post about the Big Ten basketball programs and Travis' comparison to Simpsons characters.

All I want to say about this is that, as a writer, there is nothing worse that I could be accused of than plagarism. I mean, nothing. If I was accused of a sexual relationship with Tim, it wouldn't even compare. Wait, maybe that's a bad example -- Tim is rather handsome.

But you know what I mean. Again, I'm not legitimizing BHGP's claim nor am I saying they're way off base. But I will say that there's a lot of content out there and the ideas can sometimes be similar and, well, if you think someone is plagarizing, the best way to handle it is probably to contact them directly and give them the chance to a) explain themselves, or b) remove, correct or credit the content in question. I think publicly calling out someone like that is a bit extreme, especially when the supposed plagarizing is at least questionable.

Travis has answered the issue on his site and I think he does a good job, but there's a clear hurt in what he wrote -- which is justified -- and I can't blame him. In addition, if this goes even a step further, it could get rather ugly and we're all supposed to kind of be friends (sort of?) around here.

So let's play nice, boys, and keep the accusations to "your team sucks."

THIS JUST IN -- I'M A PUTZ: As always, I'm an imbecile. I now join the ranks of those who were fooled by BHGP. They were actually joking in their shot at OTT, as evidenced by this post... in which THEY point out that they aren't plagarizers for the same exact reasons OTT isn't. Yes, I'm a moron. I'm saying it here so you don't have to. But you can anyway.

Patriot Haughtiness Extends to Blonde Writers

It's sort of hard to believe how arrogantly, obnoxiously, douchbaggily haughty this broad, Jessica Heslam is being in this recent article.

Sure, I realize she may be writing this article just to stir things up and perhaps make a name for herself... in fact, I hope she's not at all serious with this article because if she is, she's simply epitomizing why so many of us hate Boston-area fans and citizens. I know, I know, there are those of you out there who "aren't so bad," and I concede that this must be true. You can't all be a-holes. But this is coming from the Boston Herald, so maybe you need new voices.

Her article is flat-out stating that Pats fans are "smarter, classier and healthier and own pricier homes" than Giants fans. Wow, is that obnoxious right from the first line.

She gets her statistics from Neilsen Media, which has never been wrong before about indicating numerical ratings.

What's funny though is that she makes obnoxious comments and assumptions in the article I linked above and then there's another link provided by the paper that gives the raw stats she uses as the basis for her douchbaginess.

So for example, in her article she says the following:

Pats fans consistently show better taste than their Gotham counterparts, according to Nielsen. We drink Amstel Light, not Bud Light. Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey.

Well, the first line is a little disingenuous. She makes it sound like Neilsen concluded that Pats fans have better taste when this is just her analysis. That's slippery ground, blondie. Hope Neilsen doesn't see.

And then her rip on Giants fans for not drinking Amstel Light... well... I've had my share of beer and Amstel is atrocious. But hey, if the statistics say Giants fans drink Bud Light, then I guess she's entitled to this line. Oh, but wait... according to the actual marketing facts provided by Neilsen, "Giants fans prefer Anchor Steam and Sierra Nevada beer." Oh, so Jessica made that Bud Light thing up. Cool. Good journalism. What else does this expert on classiness have to say?

"We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts. They’re also less likely to favor organic food than other New Yorkers."

Why are you comparing Giant fans to "other New Yorkers"? I thought the comparison was to Pats fans. I'm sleepy.

And, yes, I'm absolutely certain that most Boston-based sports fans read magazines like f-cking Wine Spectator.

Give. Me. A. Break. Most Boston-based fans can't spell "Spectator."

Here's another shot across the bow by little Jessica:

"Giants tailgaters are conspicuous consumers who party off the backs of Land Rovers and showy BMW SUVs. Pats fans are more likely to tailgate off the back of an understated Lexus or a sturdy Volvo SUV."

This is the height of ignorant, girly writing. Yes, Land Rovers and BMWs are "showy," but Lexuses and Volvos are... "understated" and "sturdy"? The hell? Was she high when she wrote this? And what editor lets her turn this in and doesn't say, "Um, the hell? Jessica, this doesn't even make sense." That ridiculous comparison is like saying, "Your team's fans are fat because they eat ring dings and devil dogs... but see, we're husky because we eat fried food. We're better!"

When Pats revelers aren’t watching football, they’re hitting the slopes skiing or going for a sail. They’re also more likely to belong to country clubs.

And this makes you more classy? Or more haughty? Or more clueless?

When Giants fans aren’t booing Giants coach Tom Coughlin or punk quarterback Eli Manning in that New Jersey stadium they call home, they’re out practicing their tennis backhands in the backyard.

I don't even get this barb at Giants fans. "...they’re out practicing their tennis backhands in the backyard"? What does that even mean? And yeah, Giants fans are non-classy because they boo. Right. Because that never goes on in Boston. An excellent point. You guys are always forgiving to your sports stars.

None of these marketing revelations came as a surprise to Mike Schuster, 45, who lives in the shadow of Gillette Stadium in Foxboro.

“Boston fans are much classier,” said Schuster, a real estate agent and software consultant who is heading out to Arizona for the Super Bowl. “Have you ever been to Yankee stadium? I mean, they boo their own players.”

“Bostonians, in general, are better educated,” Schuster added. “New Yorkers have to send their kids to Boston to educate them.”

Well, I stand corrected. Mike Schuster of Foxboro, Mass thinks Boston fans are classier.... and better educated! That settles it then! Because I'm sure he's neutral in this debate! More facts laid down with zero backup! Nicely done, woman-who-has-a-job-where-she's-paid-to-write-but-should-be-cleaning-up-monkey-piss-at-the-zoo!

And yes, Mike Shuster, players get booed at Yankee Stadium. Of course, in Fenway, Sully, Mikey and Will Hunting hurl racial epithets at fans and players alike. Players have even thought of Boston as a racist city for many years. Wonder why that is. You're right, though -- classy! Keep wearing your Wes Welker jersey, Mike Schuster!

More from Jessica Heslam, whom I'm more and more thinking slept her way to this job (See? Random generalizations are fun!):

"Pats fans are also more Web savvy, some 63 percent have broadband Internet connection."

Why is this good stuff? Because there's no stat about Giants fans broadband Internet access! Way to sock it to 'em, Jessica! And, actually, according to the link with the actual Neilsen facts, "Two out of three Pats fans have a broadband Internet connection," which means 67%, not 63% as she quotes. Nicely done, you better-educated, more classy individual! (She also screws up the percentage of women who are G-men fans. The Neilsen link says 1 in 3 [33%] and she quotes it as 31% -- somebody didn't study hard in Statistics class. Too busy under the desk, most likely.)

If you really wanted to destroy her argument you could look at the stat that says 15% of Pats fans have an income over $150K while 40% of Giants fans have an income over $100K. Why they don't report similar baselines, I don't know... but it sure doesn't sound like the Pats fans are more well-to-do as Jessica wants you to think. Maybe she always wanted to be more of a richy, NY-like socialite but was stuck in Walpole, Mass and this is her way to act out. Or maybe, as I said earlier, she is just angry.

The grand finale of her article is this:

Of course, though we may hate to admit it, fans on both sides of the turf do have some similarities. The Nielsen data indicate that Pats and Giants fans are both likely to live in “affluent” suburbs or rural neighborhoods. They both buy “above average” amounts of beer, too, and they like to garden.

I swear I didn't edit that. It ends like a third-grader's report on the founding fathers. "Benjamin Franklin also invented bifocals and he liked to garden. The end."

Writing an article supposedly about "facts" and then making up your own facts and drawing ridiculous conclusions, such as, you know, an entire fanbase being more "classy" than another -- solid. And totally classy.

You Stay Classy, Bobby Petrino!

November 2006:

Wahoo! I sure love being the coach of Louisville. I've gone 41-9 over four years here and we're a solid national contender these days. I feel like I've laid some solid groundwork for a great career and a good program.

January 2007:

You know, ya'll, I've done all I can do at Louisville. I've been there a long-ass time anyway. Who stays anywhere for four doggone years, anyway? It's time to move on. I'm excited about coaching the most excitingly overrated player in football, Michael Vick. He's a solid citizen and I'm sure I can get a lot out of him. I hear he's an animal nut, too, and I like me a good doggie myself. We'll be like Parcells and Simms! Only one of us'll be black! Sweet! NFL, I come to conquer thee!!

December 2007:


Hey, you know, thirteen games was plenty for me in the NFL. In the NFL, you see, each victory is like a championship because of how much preparation is involved. Just ask Bill Belichick. Anyway, based on my three wins, I'd say you can call me a three-time champion. So I've proved my point. I can handle the NFL, so I think it's time to head back to college. And no, this has nothing to do with any of my players being sentenced to jail time and the rest of the team basically rolling over. Michael Who?

I love me some Razorbacks!! I'm here for the long* haul!

*Please note that "long" can have varying definitions.