Winless QB Is Charlie Weis' Lone Defender

Who knows more about winning than the QB of a 1-9 team?

Brady Quinn thinks firing Charlie Weis would be a big mistake.

He also thinks all the smart people at Notre Dame make for...uh...wait for it.... schematic advantages:

One of the arguments often given for Notre Dame's struggles is that the school's high academic standards make it difficult to recruit. Quinn sees it differently.

"It plays to their advantage, too, that smart players on the team are able to do a lot more from a schematic standpoint and prepare for teams in better fashion than other teams," he said.

Yes, indeed. Schematically-speaking, they're the best 6-5 team out there.

Brady also felt for innocent Jimmy Clausen after the latter got punched in the mush late Saturday night:

Quinn had sympathy for Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen, who was punched in the eye outside a South Bend bar early Sunday morning, hours after the Fighting Irish lost in double overtime to Connecticut.

"It's unfortunate anytime that sort of situation occurs," Quinn said. "You just hope everything is all right and there's nothing else from it. That's just part of it sometimes when the season is tough."

"I also hope his beautiful face wasn't damaged," Quinn did not say. But his eyes said it.

(Thanks to John for the link.)

Brady Quinn Learned Teammate Qualities from Charlie Weis

It appears Brady Quinn learned all about throwing teammates under the bus from his old mentor, and fellow stand-up guy, Chuck Weis.

According to this story from ESPN, Quinn gave the hand signals Derek Anderson would be using in a scrimmage to the defense so it would be harder for Anderson to succeed. You know, the same Derek Anderson Quinn is competing with for the starting Browns QB job.

Derek Anderson said the radio receiver in his helmet wasn't working Sunday, so he had to work with hand signals. Anderson said Brady Quinn, who was quarterbacking the White team, schooled White defenders on those hand signals, which made it harder for Anderson to work a drive filled with short passes.

Great guy.

(Thanks to reader Joey for the tip.)

Brady Quinn's Pretty Face May Be Damaged

Since Tim refuses to write about Cleveland sports despite living in Cleveland, that means I have to. And what's happening in Cleveland? Besides being cold and snowy?

Well, Romeo Crennel apparently thinks he shouldn't be going anywhere and, more interestingly, in an early Christmas present, Brady Quinn has once against inserted himself into a messy situation.

Evidently he did something that a teammate didn't like and he got punched in his mug for it. It's always good when your supposed franchise quarterback is such an a-hole that he has other players taking swings at him.

Quinn was quoted as saying he didn't understand why Shaun Smith got so upset in the weight room. Brady said the way he was "spotting" Shaun was the way they always did it at Notre Dame. Something about the "Teabag spot."*

*May or may not be factually accurate.

Brady Quinn Autobiographical Photo Essay

Brady Quinn was kind enough to share an autobiographical photo-essay with us here at BS, on the day of his first start as QB for the Cleveland Browns.

Hi, I'm Brady Quinn. Man, am I gorgeous, or what? I knew the cameras were there on this day and while everyone else wore shirts, I knew what the people came to see. Did you know most sports photographers are male? I'm just saying.

I've heard people say this routine at my sister's wedding was a "cry for help." I don't know what people mean by that. The village people are awesome and perfectly normal to dress up as. I also love to just feel the music and dance dance dance... without any chicks near me.

Shoulder pads do nothing but get in the way. I never liked this pic much because you can't see my rippling chest... and what's better, photography-wise, than a rippling, manly chest? I also had that fake sweat put on my forehead for the photo shoot so it would look like I do more than hold a clipboard with a mirror on it during games. Do you know what the best part of getting sweaty is, though? Getting to go in and take a shower with my teammates. No chicks allowed!

I've heard that announcing your gayness (and by that I mean happy) subtly can be done by posing under waterfalls and other such "happy" scenarios. Man, I'm gorgeous. What am I looking at, you might wonder? Well, there was this really nice "grip" on the set. He couldn't have been more than 19. But he had an ass like a ten year old boy. Wait, what was the question?

You know, I don't mind when my likeness is used for advertising purposes, but you probably heard about how I got mad when this ad was all over the Internet. I mean, I was mad because they had no right to do this without my consent. (Truth is, though, between you and me, I was fine with it -- I just wish they'd used a better picture, but there I am gabbing on the phone with Jimmy Clausen. He's so silly.)

I get told all the time that I have the sexiest bed head. Still waiting to hear that in the huddle, though. Ahem.

Just floating around naked on a raft in Charlie Weis' pool. He fed me grapes later after bouncing them off my firm rear. All part of the deal when you're the QB of a program that won a bowl game as recently as 1994.

Remember the splashy water thing? Well, that's a theme I like to continue. Along with being shirtless and tossing a football. Honestly, I've thrown way more footballs in photo-ads than I have in the NFL.

People didn't seem to accept the fact that I was really gay happy and wanted everyone to know it, so I've gotten a little more demonstrative of the fact that I'm the gayest happiest quarterback in all the land. Here I am on a jetski with some random guys pretending to give a BJ. Nothing says "fun guy" like making BJ gestures around young men. You know what the best part of jet-skiing that day was? Showering with these dudes at the campground shower room. No chicks allowed!!

Sometimes I just make a really, really, really gay pose, like my patented puppy-dog, head-cock (whoops! I said "cock"!), while having my undies peeking out of my shorts. Chicks think it's so cute and they always want pictures. Probably to show their boyfriends. At least I hope so.

I'm really not sure what else I can do to prove my gayness happiness to you people. What do I have to do, grab some dude's beanbag and then telestrate it for you? Okay, fine, there you go.

Remember that "grip" I mentioned who was working on the set of that photo shoot? First off, I love that they call him a "grip" because, trust me, his grip was fantastic. Not as firm as mine, but pretty good all the same.

I have so many more photos I could share with you people, but I've got to go get back to reading the playbook for tonight's game. But here's another favorite of me with my shirt off around other dudes with no chicks in sight. And again, I'm on the horn with Jimmy. He's so silly.

No chicks allowed! Am I right?

Brady Quinn Cannot Avoid All This Gay Stuff

You know, if it's not a picture of Brady grabbing a dude's crotch or dressing up like the freaking Village People or being accused of shouting anti-gay slurs, it's the fact that he's featured prominently in an online ad campaign for gay men hookups (findmen4men.com).

According to TMZ, Brady is still officially straight but, then, so is Ricky Martin.

I mean, it doesn't matter to us really if Brady Quinn is gay or not. We'd make fun of him equally either way. But it's weird how often Quinn is in the news for something gay-related.

I can't imagine all this is good for his relationships in the locker room or on the field. I mean, I'm speaking hypothetically, of course. Everybody knows Brady Quinn is rarely on the field.

Boiled Sports-Centric Look at the draft

First off, our Boilers did pretty well yet again in the draft. Three players drafted, one in the first round:

Dustin Keller (30) NYJ
Cliff Avril (92) Detroit
Stanford Keglar (134) Tennessee

Bryant, Armstrong and Grimes will probably get invites to camp.

Something to think about: Purdue has had two first-round draft picks, two seasons in a row...Probably will have a third next year with Painter. All that makes me is frustrated that the talent is clearly pretty solid, while the team's results have been smack-dab in the center of the conference. Frustrating.

Mega Bust, but awesome actor, Brian Bozworth

Speaking of flops, my prediction for this year's draft bust is aOSU's Vernon Gholston. I think that once he has a strict steroid policy hatin' on him, he'll have trouble staying as physically freakish as he seems to be right now...also, I've heard he takes plays off. Never a good thing.

My favorite part of the entire draft was seeing my man Colt Brennen plummet to 186th pick and hearing Jaws still argue that he wasn't worth it. Indeed. But, if an influx of WAC d-backs make their way into the league, he'll be all-pro. Also noteworthy, his thugged-out wideouts were all left at home to sip Mai Tais, Hawaiian Punch or whatever the hell those degenerates drink when not getting arrested back on the mainland.

Oh yeah, Tom Zibikowski was picked at a rock-solid 86th. Did you know he was a boxer?

Now onto our favorite pro teams:
Indianapolis Colts
The Colts first pick was offensive lineman, Mike Pollak from Arizona State. After that, they got a couple linebackers, a couple tight ends, a few more lineman and even a wideout from Mount Union (I didn't know they had a team). But, I'm a big fan of the backup running back they picked up. I think Mike Hart will see substantial action in the Colts 2-back set. He's like a rich man's James Mungro, who I always liked as a Colt.

NY Giants
The World Champs added quite a bit of fire power on the defensive side of the ball by adding some very good defensive backs and linebackers, most note-worthy, Kenny Phillips from the U. The funniest pick is that of once-super Mario Manningham. At one time, I thought that guy was a fast-as-lightning giant. Turns out, when he's in Indianapolis, he's not only a shade under six feet tall, but also a 4.6 40 guy. I actually think he'll be very productive, but I'm still shocked at his lack of height. Maybe all of the corners in the Big Ten are my height and he just dwarfs them.

Cleveland Browns
The Browns had some needs at linebacker, and picked up a few of them. The Browns draft was pretty uneventful due to the fact that their earliest pick was in the fourth round. They picked up a few offensive weapons in tight end, Martin Rucker from Mizzou and possession receiver, Hubbard from Wisky. Hopefully, they figure out how to cut a bit of their extra costs and can spend their money a bit more wisely in coming seasons.

One last point- Boiled Sports has had an amazing effect on the complexion of the NFL since its inception two years ago. What do I mean? Well, my team is the Colts ('07 World Champs). J's team is the Giants ( '08 World Champs). Is it too early to predict Tim's team as world champs in '09?? I think not. Put it down in Sharpie!

CLEVELAND BROWNS 2009 WORLD CHAMPS

More Awesome Cowboy Reaction

First of all, I loved -- loved loved loved -- that this jackass came down to the sideline in the final minutes of the game to clap like a special ed student alongside his head coach. No pressure there, boys. Just the millionaire owner among you who pays all of your salaries and expects a Super Bowl, like, now. And then the game ends on the McQuarters interception and the whole team vacates the sidelines to respectfully congratulate the Giants and there's Jones standing there stone-faced and, to be sure, pissed.

I especially liked the report that Jerry Jones provided his players not only with the tickets to give their friends and families for this game, but he also provided them with two tickets each to next weekend's NFC title game. Nicely done, Jerry. (Of course, to be fair, this is probably typical. Fans have to buy tickets in advance for playoff games that might not be played -- in all sports -- and then get refunded for them. Still, it's kinda funny.)

I also love the arrogance that was out there leading into this game.... and to read the cockiness is just, well, wonderful.

I went to Deadspin to see some of the Cowboy blogs this morning and it's just more awesomeness.

This one feels the Cowboys "gave" the game to the Giants in every way possible. I'm not sure about that, but whatever you guys want to believe. "This offseason is going to be more unbearable than last year." Yeah, for your fat coach, too.

But I think my favorite knee-jerk reaction from idiot Cowboys fans came from the Cowboy Roundup. The article is a dead link now, but according to D-spin, the quote was as follows:

"Dallas couldn't get it done with seconds left on the clock. Perhaps Romo isn't the guy for the Cowboys ... It may be time to get Brady Quinn in here."

I don't know how to express how much I love this. I want to kiss this guy. Maybe even on the mouth. He's just so perfect to demonstrate knee-jerk idiocy of a city that has nothing else to live for besides their overrated football team.

Yes. Please please please... Dallas, start convincing yourselves that Brady Quinn is the answer and Tony Romo should be cast aside after one full season starting in the NFL. Indeed. Brady freaking Quinn! How stupendously wonderful would it be to see Brady Quinn stumbling around in the Cowboys backfield as they open their new stadium 3-13 and Jerry Jones fires three coaches in one season?

Frye Guys? Bye guys!

The Browns have traded Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks for a sixth round draft pick. They gave him 37 seconds of play time in the first half of the first game before deciding he clearly wasn't the answer. Well done, coaching staff! That's the way to emulate Super Bowl contenders! Yank your starting quarterback as soon as you can and then trade him. Don't bother to improve your offensive line first. I still think the Browns would be better off if they just had a center, a QB, and 9 wide receivers. Really spread that field.

The defensive pass rush wouldn't be that much improved against the center as they are against the whole offensive line. The strategy of Cleveland offensive linemen has typically been to fall down and play possum as soon as the ball is snapped.

Hopefully they can follow the Tim Couch model and throw rookie quarterbacks under to bus to the point where they need repeated surgeries to repair their arms after the massive beatings they've been subjected to.

I have an idea Romeo... just hit Brady Quinn with a tire jack before the next game, tie his legs together, and then put him in the game. The idiots in the stands will surely cheer. After 15 games and 98 sacks, Quinn will be well on his way.

Here's another idea. DRAFT. OFFENSIVE. LINEMEN.

With every pick.

For the next 10 years.

Brady Quinn Draft Diary

It's no secret that we aren't big fans of Notre Dame around here. That's what happens when you end up being humbled for a few decades by one particular, in-state rival, while that rival is becoming more and more overrated and signs exclusive network TV deals even though they play the armed services as part of their challenging schedule every year. Ah, but I digress.

We asked Brady Quinn if he wanted to bury the hatchet and do a diary for us on the day of the NFL draft. Many pundits had Quinn going #3 to the Browns so we thought this could be fun as Brady realizes his true calling as a top-tier draft pick.

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11:45 AM: Hey, everybody! Brady Quinn here! I am psyched for the draft and ready to sign my big contract. Aren't I pretty? The lady of the evening that Drew Rosenhaus sent me last night sure liked me. I think I have a chance to go number 1 today. I mean, I know I've been projected at number 3 but, really, the Raiders need a QB and I was coached by Charlie Weis, so we all know I'm practically an NFL quarterback already, right? And besides, this JaMarcus Russell -- who the hell heard of him before my team put him on the map in January in the bowl game? We made Russell who he is, so really, he should be thanking us. And who doesn't what a white, pretty-boy, sparkling smile QB as their team leader?

11:58 AM: I have to be honest, I hope Cleveland doesn't take me. But I will be a good soldier if they do. I mean, it's Cleveland, right? They wear those hideous orange uniforms sometimes. I don't know if I can do that. I might just have to petition the team to change to navy blue with gold helmets. I look stout in those. Hey, that would be creative. I could hold out until they change their color scheme. And retire my number immediately. Bitches.

12:15PM: Okay, so Oakland just took JaMarcus Russell. Bogus. He's so overrated. Hey, he was only a junior! I was a senior! Seniors rule! And you know, I keep hearing about Russell being able to throw the ball like 75 yards from his knees. Whatever. I know a lot about holding balls while on my knees, and I don't think that's really possible. I mean, who can't throw a ball 75 yards? I throw for more than 300 yards all the time at Notre Dame. Oh, wait, Calvin Johnson just told me Russell can do that on one throw. Whatever. Not possible. And besides, if you're on your knees, you're considered down aren't you? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's a Notre Dame graduate brain for you, boys. Better represent.

12:28 PM: Alright, Detroit always sucks, too, and they need a QB. I mean, when don't they need a QB? And they play in a dome. I can get down with that. And the #2 pick makes serious dough, too. Here we go...

12:32 PM: F-ck! They took Calvin Johnson. Yeah, nice move, Millen. Who's going to throw to him, you putz? Shit, this probably means I'm going to Cleveland. Oh, well, it'll be fine. I like Cleveland. I like snow. I like Ohio. These aren't tears in my eyes, really... it's just kind of dry in this room. And I yawned.

12:45 PM: Wow, that was embarrassing. I stood up and was halfway to the podium before I realized Cleveland didn't pick me. That has to be a mistake. Maybe this dipshit Goodell can't read my name. It's not that hard, man! "Joe Thomas" doesn't sound anything like "Brady Quinn." Brady Quinn. God, that's sexy. I love hearing my name. Especially when someone shouts it in an orgasmic fit of ecstacy.

12:55 PM: Okay, I'm okay with this. We can roll with Tampa. It's warm there, it's not Cleveland, their existing QB had his spleen busted last year. I could rule that town.

1:15 PM: This isn't even funny. Tampa picked some guy I've never heard of. He played for Clementine or something. This is wack.

2:25 PM: I was giving my diary the silent treatment for a while there. I am so mad. Some more shitty teams passed me up. Arizona, Washington and Minnesota... none of you could use a beautiful man such as myself? Get real.

2:40 PM: Atlanta just picked Jamaal Anderson. Come on, now I know you're all f-cking with me. He played for them, like, when I was in high school.

2:55 PM: Okay, now Miami us up. This is it. And it's awesome. All those experts said for a long time that Miami was hot for me. And that's cool. Miami would be perfect for my tanning goals and in the off-season, I think Alex Rodriguez lives there. I can't tell you how many times I've been watching a Yankee game and fallen into a daydream about horsing around with Alex on a beach, talking sports, visiting the sauna.... cracking each other on the ass with wet towels.

3:05 PM: Just had to text Alex back and tell him Miami didn't take me after all. This is not cool. Seriously. Have none of these teams seen me flex? I'm a damn Adonis!

4:35 PM: Houston, San Fran, Buffalo, St. Louis, Jets, Pittsburgh... you can all suck it. I can't believe you'd pass me up. I'm NFL-ready, I tell you! Even Charlie Weis says so!

5:15 PM: I can't believe this. Guys are getting to walk up there and smile who nobody has heard of. I mean, who are these guys? I know they don't play for Notre Dame and I don't recognize anybody from our games against Army, Navy and Vanderbilt. This is so confusing. Am I even at the right draft? Maybe today's day 2 and I was picked yesterday. Yeah, that's probably it.

5:30 PM: Okay, the Giants are next. That would be great. Screw this Eli Manning kid -- he clearly isn't NFL-ready. I could take New York by storm. I hear there are lots of fun bars in "the village" in New York. Sounds like my kind of place.

5:32 PM: Bastards. I hate New York. Plus someone just told me the Giants don't even play in New York. That's completely misrepresenting. I don't like it.

5:45 PM: Wait, what just happened? I got picked! Hell yeah! Wait, let me look at this booklet I have... who had the number 22 pick? Dallas! DALLAS! YEEEAHHH, bitches! I guess Tony Romo really did end his time there with that botch in the playoffs! Awesome. I belong in a place like Dallas, playing for a franchise about as arrogant and entitled as my college program. Excellent.

5:46 PM: I don't think this Goodell guy was ready to be the commissioner at all. He just gave me a Cleveland Browns hat instead of a Cowboys hat. Ha ha, real funny commish. I get it, yeah, close call with the Browns. Good thing I'll be a Cowboy! Wahoo!

5:50 PM: Everyone around me is keeping up this joke that I am actually a member of the Browns. Yeah, okay, guys, I get it... it's funny but it's not that funny. When do I get interviewed about the future of the Cowboys and playing for Jerry Jones?

6:05 PM: Apparently, there was some kind of administrative mixup and my rights have been signed over to the Browns. I'm sure the Cowboys will fight this since I am not the kind of prized possesion you just let go of without a fight. I'll be polite to these Cleveland people calling me on the horn but only to a point -- I might have to steamroll them when I'm quarterbacking the Cowboys next season.

This is Brady Quinn, out.