Showing posts with label misremembering Roger Clemens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misremembering Roger Clemens. Show all posts

Friday, February 13, 2009

mmmm, Gumbo.

Good morning, ladies and gents! Hope your week has gone well.

I have a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head and wanted to put them down on the greatest site in all of the land...Here we go.

MLB
Bud Selig can suck it. That jack was asleep at the wheel during the home run era, and allowed the moon shot increase to be blamed on the mythological "live ball" instead of cracking down on PEDs. Now, we know everybody and their moms in the league was juicing (except about 10% of the players)...and he's throwing A-Rod under the bus.

It is true though, A-Rod admitting he had cheated is very un-baseball like. Why didn't he like repeatedly like the rest of the schleps who have been fingered by various investigators?

I say hats off to A-Rod...and I've already forgiven him. Clemens, Bonds and the rest of you un-repentant liars can suck it.

But Alex, no one will ever forgive you for dating Madonna.

Meggy Tejada- hats off to you for pleading guilty, and begging for forgiveness from the fans. Granted, you shouldn't lie under oath, but he's just protecting the ole boys network of the MLB.

Valuable lessons above- Don't cheat. Don't lie...or bad things happen to you. But if you do, act like a man and admit your mistakes.
EsPN
The Entertainment Programming Network recently suspended Scott Van Pelt for stating his opinion about Bud Selig stealing MLB's money...and he got suspended for a week. Supposedly, Seligs feewings were hurt. It does hurt when you're nailed as a fraud...and you know you're one.

And speaking of frauds, EsPN needs to drop the word Sports from their title for once and for all. Sports Center is filled with more human interest stories than highlights these days...and the only reason they keep their ratings is because there's no serious competition.

Maybe if Van Pelt would handle himself like a professional, a la Chris "stupid pun here" Berman, he'd get somewhere. In my opinion, Van Pelt ranks up there with Dan Patrick, Craigers and Mayne as the best SC anchers of all time. If the Network wants to push entertainment, use Kenny Mayne more!

Much like Patrick, Van Pelt will probably wisely move on soon...I hope he does.

Nike
Some of you know, I am in my profession because I grew up a huge fan of Nike basketball shoes. But, I fell out of love with the footwear and equipment giant back in college. So, my opinion isn't too surprising.

But Nike is a shadow of its former self. Granted, they still have a giant portion of the market share in footwear and apparel, but their focus has clearly changed. On many of their products, a woven label reads:

"Engineered to the exact specifications of championship athletes"


Well, like so many things in the world, that's become marketing drivel. As you heard earlier in the week, Nike bailed on their meetings with Purdue players last summer for no apparent reasons. The meetings were set-up so Purdue captain, Chris Kramer could give his input to Nike prior to their changing of Purdue's uniforms. Instead, Nike will do whatever the hell they feel like...and Kramer and Co. will like it!

As a product designer, the philosophy of designing at the end user instead of for them pisses me off. And the fact that marketing decides Nike's direction instead R&D teams along with athletes is a far cry from Phil Knight's original vision of the company that he no longer runs. No matter, it's time for Nike, like EsPN, to simply stop pushing a pack of lies upon the consumer, and state what they are- a fashion sporty brand. 14 year old girls love their stuff though...so that's positive.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Another Roger Clemens Cingular Commercial

Everybody loved the original Cingular commercial with Roger and Debbie Clemens last year (just one year ago, amazingly). And hey, if you watch the video closely, you can see the guy on the right in the background start making a jerk-off gesture right when Roger says "I'm back, guys!" I have to believe that was done to be funny and wasn't expected to make the final cut.

Anyway, we then unearthed another version and shared it with you. And now Roger and Debbie are back.








[Roger on Phone]

Hey honey! I’m out on the golf course with the guys, and it reminded me of when we filmed that funny commercial about me coming out of retirement. Wasn’t that fun? I remember it like it was just last year.









[Debbie on phone]

Are you kidding? It was last year, you stupid meathead.








[Roger on Phone]

Whoa, take it easy, Deb. What’s gotten into you?









[Debbie on Phone]

Well, there’s someone here you need to talk to. I’ll videoconference her in.










[busted Mindy McCready]

[smokey, gravelly voice] Hey, Rog. Remembah me?









[Roger on Phone]

Gah! Who the hell are you??









[Debbie on Phone]

She says you two had an affair starting when she was 15, you prick.








[Roger on Phone]

What?? Seriously? Hon, ah mean, come on! Look at her! I’m not sayin’ I wouldn’t cheat – I’m a ballplayer after all…








[Debbie on Phone]

You used to be, anyway.








[Roger on Phone]

…but come on, do you think I would cheat with…with…with THAT mess?











[busted Mindy McCready]

Rog, maybe you don’t remember me, but this is what I used to look like:

[texts pictures of hot McCready to Roger]














[Roger on Phone]

Oh, hells yeah! I’d hit that! Rocket power hour, baby!








[Debbie on Phone]

What was that?









[Roger on Phone]

What? Nothing. Who is this?

[call drops]









[Debbie on Phone]

What did you just say? So you DID do her? G-ddammit, Roger!! I’m pissed now! Do you hear me? I’ve just knocked over some flowers in the kitchen to illustrate my point! And you know how much I hate knocking things over Roger!












[Mindy McCready mug shot]

[smokey, gravelly voice] Anybody got a ciggy?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Roger Clemens Is Zestfully Clean

You know, sometimes you're just out stumbling around Youtube looking for misplaced porn that got through their sensors and you come upon a real gem. With all the talk about Roger Clemens being "dirty" as a result of his apparent performance-enhancing, this clip should really...well... it should at least make you stop thinking about steroids for a little while because you'll be too busy trying to figure out who thought this was a good idea.

I also like that he's not even necessarily getting the most camera time. Some nobody extras are equaling him.



So there you go. He's clean. Zestfully so.