Boom Goes The Dynamite

One of the ideas for creating a sports blog of any sort is to share things with your readership, no matter how small, that amuse them. Well, I realized we'd never posted this video below here and you've no doubt seen it by now since it's been on YouTube for a long time. However, if you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat.

I don't care how many times I've watched this -- it's like a really bad car wreck that you just cannot look away from...only better, because nobody is potentially dead.

This clearly was Indianapolis news so maybe boilerdowd can clue us in to what the hell is going on here...was this an intern? A practical joke? Whatever it was, it's awfully painful to watch.

What's amazing is how easily flustered this kid is. I mean, I screw up all the time and there are probably more people watching me in my office than there are watching the news in Indiana! (Okay, come on, that was kind of funny. No? Okay.)

I'm not certain of my favorite part since there are so many to choose from, but I dare say it might be this amalgamation of lines, delivered as one at around the one minute mark:

"Hoosiers are on the four on...on the year... and they have won six of its last seven games tomorrow will be the game three at three PM."

Read that again slowly and understand that I transcribed it word-for-word. Wow, it's lik ehe's having a minor stroke and is trying to speak through it. Perhaps the best part is that he's talking about Ball State and says "Hoosiers." Or maybe it's that he transitions with, "Moving to Ball State men's tennis," as though he was just talking about women's tennis when it was, evidently, men's baseball.

You just know going into this he was excited to use his shiny, new catchphrase, "Boom goes the dynamite," and he manages to use it, although it's hard to tell if he's watching the same highlights we're seeing.

Good stuff and worth your time for the laughter you'll get.

Can We Talk About This For A Second?

Okay, so Cam Cameron is the new Miami Dolphins head coach. I know there’s a lot going on and it’s Super Bowl week and Barbaro just died and Peyton Manning won a crucial game against Tom Brady... So I’ll give you a moment to regroup and I’ll repeat what I just told you so you can let it roll around in your brain a little bit.

Cam Cameron is the new head coach of the Miami Dolphins.

Those of us familiar with Purdue football remember Cam as not only the guy with one of the dumbest names ever, but also as the inept Indiana University football coach who was often powerless to stop Purdue – and basically anyone else – from running over the Hoosiers.

That as his one head coaching job and it was at a pathetic Division I program. How pathetic? Well, according to Wikipedia (and they’re never wrong), CamCam went 18-37 in his time there from 1997-2001. So he averaged under four wins a season and was almost twenty games under .500 over the course of five seasons. Repeatedly going 3-8 and 4-7 (and averaging 2-6 in the conference) gets you fired from college football but apparently gets you a chance to coach in the NFL.

Why isn’t anyone making a bigger deal of this? Maybe because Lee Corso thinks Cam’s IU record shouldn’t be taken into consideration insofar as judging his coaching abilities (and we all know Coach Corso is never wrong, either):

"Since I was fired there [in 1982], Sam Wyche is the only coach who left there without being fired," said Corso, who coached at Indiana from 1973-82. "Does that say enough about how tough it is to win there?"

Um, actually, no, Coach. It says that IU is a lousy football program that continually hires lousy coachs, which only serves to further the cycle of lousy football. See how that works? When you have to point at Sam Wyche as your success story, things are pretty bleak.

Also, if you’re trying to make a case for a guy as a legitimate NFL coach, not only is asking everyone to ignore a terrible five-year coaching stint kind of stupid, it gets exponentially more stupid when it’s the only coaching stop the guy in question has ever made!

However, Bears DE Adewale Ogunleye played under Cam (who was an assistant) on the Dolphins and he likes Cam, too:

There were just basic rules," Ogunleye said, "but you had to respond to them. He was the kind of coach that dots his I's and crosses his T's.'' Ogunleye also said that Cameron has a good sense of humor, but "when it comes to offense, he's very serious. One thing you appreciate is he's very approachable. He doesn't dwell on hypotheticals. He believes in cold, hard facts."

Yes, just basic rules. For instance, you had to be present on game day. Hmm, maybe the rules should have been a little less “basic.” But, hey, Coach Cameron doesn’t dwell on hypotheticals – he believes in cold, hard facts. Such as having a head coaching record of 18-37.

But Cam’s creative and is known for it, according to the Corso story:

Cameron became known for his creativity and ability maximize a player's potential. He moved quarterback Antwaan Randle El to wide receiver and running back.

Fantastic. So does this mean we should expect to see Cleo Lemon at wideout and Daunte Culpepper in the backfield this season?

I just don’t understand how there isn’t more logic out there in both the management of professional teams and in the media in general. People excoriated Nick Saban for leaving the Dolphins to go back to college for an absolute boatload of money and likely better job security. Keep in mind that he’d done a lousy, sub-.500 job with the Dolphins…yet people still hate him for it. Then the Dolphins go and among all the quality candidates out there, they hire…Cam freakin’ Cameron??

I just don’t understand it and I predict the Dolphins will be looking for another coach in less than three years.

Off To The Big Glue Factory In The Sky

Well, it's likely you've heard by now. Barbaro is no more. As we try to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, I suggest a national day of morning for everyone's favorite oat-eater.

No, not really.

When I was driving at lunchtime yesterday (mmmm, lunch) I heard the news on the radio about Barbaro being put down and I laughed gleefully. But then I stopped abruptly and wondered if I had reached a new low in callousness, laughing at the death of an animal. Like many people, I am heartbroken when I hear about or see abused animals (like dogs at shelters) and cannot understand how anyone could abuse a lower life form like that. And, I thought, here I am laughing at the death of a horse.

Then I came to my senses and realized I wasn't laughing at Barbaro's death; rather, I was laughing with glee at the morons who have pinned the value of their own existence to the health and well-being of a horse. Remember the Barbaro message board? Well, that thing kept going strong and while I considered making it a weekly feature around here, enough other sites were bashing them. See the makeshift Myspace pages (here's one example) or Deadspin's coverage.

Yes, I have some anger in me and very often I vent it at people with barely enough brain cells to function on their own. Most of these people, I've learned, are obsessed with Barbaro, a horse that they hadn't ever even heard of before he won one famous race and then broke his leg. They send him cards and emails and post messages... it's ridiculous.

The main reason it all made me angry? The bullshit suggestion that what the veternarians and owners of Barbaro were doing was somehow noble or well-intentioned. That they wanted Barbaro to be happy and live out his days eating apples on a nice farm. What a crock of shit. This was about money, plain and simple, and nothing -- nothing -- more than that.

Any other horse would have been put down the day he grotesquely broke his leg. Horses don't understand their treatments and they don't understand calming down and not thrashing on their broken leg. They will suffer if they're not put down. But Barbaro's owners, Roy and Gretchen Jackson, saw dollar signs and realized that Barbaro could be a stud and spread his seed to dozens of mares and they could college a handsome stud fee for each time Barbaro mounted another horse.

Think I'm wrong? Well, in 2005 the top stud fees in Kentucky were well into the six figure range, as you can read about here. So having a potential gold mine in their hands, is it so hard to imagine the Jacksons trying at all costs to keep Barbaro alive?

Let's not pretend that Sunday night was Barbaro's first "bad night." There's no doubt that this horse has been suffering and the vets finally said on Monday morning that he absolutely had to be put down.

Those who claim to "love" Barbaro should be happy at this development -- he's finally at peace and no longer being drugged or having dozens of screws put into his leg. This was the humane thing to do and it was the humane thing to do last May. All these clowns who post messages about him and make him carrot-treats can move on to something else now.

So it turns out I really don't like to hear about animals suffering and that on Monday, Barbaro actually -- finally -- was put out of his suffering.

Showing Our Ass On NFL Picks

Okay, so I admit, I just wanted a reason to post this picture of Antonio Bryant's ass which for some reason just cracks me up. Probably for the same reason that farts still make me laugh. And that reason is I am male and proportionately mature.

Anyway, since there's no football this weekend for the first time since, like, last July, it's a good time to check in on our playoff picking.

As you may or may not recall, both Tim and I picked the Saints and Patriots to be in the Super Bowl this week. One of the reasons I picked the Saints is that back in August I was in Vegas and bet on the Saints to go to the Super Bowl at 35-1 odds. I was feeling pretty smart until their secondary forgot their were supposed to tackle guys. However, I still think if that game was in the Superdome the Saints win. Sometimes home field does make a huge difference, especially when you're playing against a team with runners who cut a lot and it's snowing and freezing.

Anyway, so Tim and I both went 0-2 to bring our playoff picks records to 5-5. Boilerdowd, on the other hand, went 1-1 in title games to move to 7-3 for the playoffs. As such, it looks like it'd be hard for him to lose our Boiled Sports battle here and he will officially win a night with... his own wife. Sure, it would have made for some drama if me or Tim had won it, so it's probably good that it turned out this way.

We'll be back later in the week with our official Super Bowl picks (probably). And maybe some other stuff. We'll see.

This Just In: Most Overrated Coach's "Retirement" Being Covered in Overrated Fashion

Bill Parcells is angry in this picture. Or hungry. It's hard to tell. One thing is for certain, though; he's looked a lot more miserable in recent times with the Cowboys than ferocious. And today, under somewhat odd circumstances, Bill has announced his retirement from football coaching.

Again.

Bill "retired" from the New York Giants in 1991, just months after winning his second Super Bowl in five years. Before long, he was the New England Patriots head coach. In 1996, he "retired" from the Patriots, going so far as to say he had "no desire to continue as an NFL coach." Parcells caught the coaching bug after an eight-day retirement (which, really, ought to be enough for anybody) and took over the New York Jets.

Three years later in 2000, Bill must have realized the Giants hadn't switched their colors to green and white and he "retired" from the Jets, saying at the time that he'd "coached [his] last game" and that "[His] intention is to stay retired as a coach."

After doing some time on Sunday NFL Countdown, Parcells went back to coaching in 2003 with the Cowboys. And, frankly, if I were forced to work with a fat, pontificating, bloviating, slovenly, annoying, obnoxious, arrogant douchwad like Chris Berman I might look for other work, too.

What bugs me about all this is that Parcells is hailed as an absolute frickin' genius. John Clayton even wrote a column about how Parcells is going straight to the Hall of Fame. Well, okay, I guess.

Parcells has a 172-130-1 record in 19 seasons as a coach. So he averaged 9-7 over his career. If I told you your favorite team was going to go about 9-7 every year for the next 19 years, would you be excited? Maybe these days you would since it's often enough to make the playoffs. But still, that sounds like just a shade above mediocrity most of the time. If you're a shade above mediocrity for two decades, your record looks like 172-130-1.

Was Bill a good coach? Sure he was. His players listened, for the most part, and he developed some amazing talents such as Lawrence Taylor, Phil Simms, Joe Morris, Curtis Martin, Drew Bledsoe, etc., and he turned many of them into championship-level players when maybe their talent wasn't that high (see Simms and Bledsoe).

But in recent years, it's become apparent that Bill is just old. He's 65 now and when he faces a younger, more modern-day coach, he often doesn't fare well. The best and most glaring example was when the Cowboys were riding high this year and the New Orleans Saints came into Dallas, led by young Sean Payton. Payton and the Saints absolutely crushed the Cowboys, getting to a point where they were kneeling down with three minutes left out of respect. The Saints could have hung over 50 points on the 'boys that night without a doubt.

Parcells also hasn't won a playoff game in eight years, since those Jets won a single playoff game in 1998 on thier way to losing the AFC title game to the Oakland Raiders. It was ten years ago that Bill last went to the Super Bowl, with the Patriots losing to the Packers. And when was the last time he won a Super Bowl, you ask? Why, it was after the 1990 season with the Giants. Sixteen years ago. He won two Super Bowls with a very talented Giants team that had just reeled off 55 wins over five seasons.

My point is that people shouldn't wonder if the game has passed him by -- they should accept that the game zoomed by him many years ago. Parcells is a good coach and good coaches win the games they probably should win and get smoked in games that are a bit more of a challenge (sort of like Joe Tiller at Purdue, just as a "for instance" off the top of my head).

Parcells Cowboys played in two whole playoff games in his four years in Dallas and they lost both of them. Do you know what legendary coach Bill Parcells' playoff record is since those Giants Super Bowl days? 3-5. In the last sixteen years, his playoff record is 3-5.

So sure, go ahead and put him in the Hall of Fame. But let's not forget that Parcells is a genius because the media have annointed him so. His record doesn't bear it out.

Colts 38 Patriots 34

Ding Dong, the witch is dead!





I know, I know, the Colts haven't won a Super Bowl yet, but all of the whispers that have followed Peyton Manning & Tony Dungy alike have been silenced. They really needed to play the Patriots to stop people (like me) from doubting that they were even capable of winning the "big game" let alone beating teams from the Boston area during the month of January.

Here's the thing- I find Manning, Dungy, Wayne, Addai, Irsay and many others in the Colts organization likable. It's nice, for me at least, to see "the good guy" win. Conversely, I find Belicheck unlikable...even moreso, I find Mark Hurley and Chris Bois & most other chowdah heads detestable...So it couldn't have happened to a better group of guys.


For those of you who didn't catch this- the Colts had Jim Harbaugh out at midfield for the coin toss...Right away, I was pretty angry. Real great, I thought, Harbaugh, the patron saint of the almost-win in the AFC championship is representing the Colts. That mentality reminds me of another team that I root passionately for. Unlike the Boilers, I don't think the Colts will have the Lombardi trophy on their helmet going through the horseshoe. (ref. the Rose through the "P" during Purdue's Rose Bowl appearance of 2001).

In fact, the whole game reminded me of a Purdue bowl game...with the exception of the fact that the team that I was rooting for actually won the contest.

In other news, another "good guy", Drew Brees was battered, beaten and made to look pretty lousy by the over-rated Bears defense. I really believe that the Saints offensive line played as poorly as any offensive line at that level that I have seen in a while; let alone a Championship-caliber team...Much of the credit should go to the Bears defense, but come on now. I'm pretty excited for Brees & company's future. Oh yeah, and Bush is pretty OK, if you're into that sort of thing.

Hey, Did You Know Tom Brady And Peyton Manning Have Played Each Other Before?

Yes, Rex, symbolicly, that’s what it would be like if the Saints molest you at home this weekend.

Okay, that picture out of the way, it’s time to move on to this week’s Boiled Sports NFL Playoffs Analysis. Or BSNFLPA. I like to pronounce this “Biss-Niffle-Pah.” But that’s just me.

As you know, we’re all competing for a night with someone’s wife. I don’t know where everyone’s minds are but I want to use boilerdowd’s wife for a night of home-cooked food. That is, if I win. If Tim wins, he might want to play one-on-one hoops against her. And if b-dowd himself wins, well, he can do whatever he likes. If she lets him, that is.

But enough about wives. The day will (soon) come when I’ll have a wife so the jokes must end (soon).

As documented, we’ve got a tight race going here, with playoff picks looking like this:

Tim: 5-3

boilerdowd: 6-2

J Money: 5-3

As Kissing Suzy Kolber points out, no matter how bad you feel about your own picks, just look at the dartboard-like results of the crew at ESPN and you’ll feel better about yourself.

So last week we analyzed coaches and learned that fat ones don’t generally last in the playoffs and, look, Andy Reid is gone and Mike Holmgren is gone. And no, despite Tony Dungy and Sean Payton moving on, being a thin coach is no guarantee of success. In fact, you can still suck really hard. See Shottenheimer, Marty and Edwards, Herman for further reading.

And two weeks ago we analyzed the quarterbacks and learned…well, not much, considering perennial choker Peyton is still in the hunt and loose cannon Rex Grossman is also still chuckin’.

So what to do this week? Well, how about we check out the logos/mascots of each team and see what we can glean from that.

New Orleans Saints – What the hell IS that? Is that one of those things you’d see in a Cajun church? I mean, next to a shop-vac? (Sorry, New Orleans, that was low.)

But seriously, is that a stabbing device? It’s not very scary. And, really, neither is a “Saint.”

I always thought the Chicago Cubs had one of the lamest names/mascots mainly because they’re basically calling themselves a baby version of something. Even a baby version of a bear isn’t something that instills fear. But a Saint? There are people who would say my future wife is a Saint for putting up with my BS and, frankly, she wouldn’t scare me on the football field. She’s got good hands but her tackling skills are lacking. Thumbs down on the Saints for tough logos.



Chicago Bears – Now we’re talking! The Bears sound mean and tough and wild enough to tear your limbs off. Sure, their primary logo is that mediocre “C,” which doesn’t inspire any fear, but they’re the BEARS dammit! ROAR! And then you see their secondary logo...

and see that the Bear almost looks like…he’s smiling or something. Wooo, scary! Put a detached limb in his mouth or somebody’s entrails hanging out like spaghetti, know what I’m saying? Marginal performance by the Bears logo but definitely better than a Saint.



New England Patriots – Pat Patriot. Hey, that’s really clever. I guess they had to make it simple enough for their brilliant fans to remember. Pat sounds like “Patriot,” so that should be sort of easy. They switched to the more modern looking logo they currently use and, honestly, it’s not that intimidating. In fact, think back to before they won anything and you’ll remember that the Patriots weren’t ever considered a scary team. They were the Pats, which sounded a lot like “patsies.” Whee! How formidable! Granted, if Pat Patriot...


were a real person, I wouldn’t want to be on the same field with him. But less because of his bulging muscles and more because he’s, you know, dressed like a Continental Army soldier. That’s just sort of weird.


Indianapolis Colts – Wow, a horseshoe. Intimidating, guys! “Oh no! The horseshoes are coming to town!” What are we doing, drinking beer at a cookout? That’s the only time horseshoes can be dangerous. And if you want to say, well, they’re not the Indianapolis Horseshoes, they’re the Indianapolis Colts, to that I say: So what? Why not be the Indianapolis Stallions? Or the Indianapolis Studs? In fact, when the Colts franchise bent Baltimore over and gave them a rough screw in 1983, they should have changed their name right then. The Indianapolis Studs – Don’t Screw With Us Or We'll Mount You.

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So on to the picks for this week. With just a one game lead, boilerdowd has to pick carefully and hold his lead going into the Super Bowl. How we’ll break a tie has yet to be determined but it’ll probably be some variation of predicting the final score or the total points or Lisa Bettag’s cup size.

For the championship games…

Tim:

Saints over Bears
Patriots over Colts

boilerdowd:

Colts over Patriots (This is Peyton's chance to quite the whispers)
Saints over Bears (I just haven't bought into the Bears all season, I'm not going to start now...Plus, Drew Brees is super-cute!)

J Money:

Saints over Bears
Patriots over Colts

I can’t believe I’m taking both road teams.

Paging Ron Mexico. Mr. Mexico, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

Here lies the Aquafina Water Bottle Diversion Safe. Courtesy of one Michael Vick.

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was reluctant to throw away his 20-ounce water bottle at a Miami International Airport security checkpoint Wednesday morning.

The reason, police say: The plastic bottle had a secret compartment that, when opened, had a dark residue and a pungent odor of marijuana.

You can read more of the story here at the Miami Herald.

This may be the break we needed to finally win the war on drugs!

One-Third of Us Like Hockey

I've been very good. I know how much my co-writers dislike hockey and so I've done my best not to turn this into a blog about the New York Rangers or other aspects of the NHL. I have season tickets to the Rangers and thus have more direct access to that sport than any other but still, I behave myself.

However, I can't promise that this will always be the case, especially if the Rangers go far in the playoffs this spring. One thing that occurred to me, though: the NHL playoffs, like the NBA playoffs, go on into mid-June every year. I saw this article last week about a bride in New Orleans having some of her guests back out to attend the Saints home playoff game the same night and I sent it along to my future wife, saying "I hope the Rangers aren't in the Stanley Cup Finals that night." I don't think thought it was as funny as I did.

Oh, but on the subject of hockey -- and writing about it -- you should check out this site and in particular this column. The author is very handsome.

Here We Go....AGAIN

Hey, did you know that these two clowns have played each other a number of times before? Did you also know that Tom Brady is a mythical figure who had god-like powers, especially in the playoffs? Did you also know that Peyton Manning's career sucks solely because his team has never been able to play a big playoff game without their own hands around their necks? Did you know they played earlier this season and Peyton won -- in Foxboro?!! I know! But did you also know that maybe Bill Belichick, who's even more godlike than Tom Terrific -- sheet, he's like a hoodie-wearing god of thunder and lightning -- could have, maybe, possibly, been sandbagging? You know, like he figured, "Hey, we might see these guys again if everything works out and I'm willing to sandbag a nationally televised home game and risk home-field advantage just so I can have the upper hand on this Manning character and de-pants him in his home stadium in January. You know, if we happen to meet."

Yeah, get ready for more stories you've already heard and more interviews about stories that even real fans of these teams are sick of. Frankly, I'd rather hear stories about Adam Vinatieri going against the team he won all those Super Bowls for.

The other game of the week will also feature lazy storylines, as the New Orleans Saints football team success continues to cause hosues to rebuild themselves and poor people living in shelters to not feel as hungry or alone. It's really amazing what football can do. And as much as I want to (and will) be rooting for N.O. next weekend, I hate their own Tom Benson, a fat, ignorant man who wanted to never come back to the Big Easy and wanted to permanently relocate to San Antonio. Or Los Angeles. Or Lafayette, Indiana. Anywhere but New Orleans. Classy.

And on the other side of the ball from them, we'll get to hear more about Rex Grossman and what a liability he is, despite the fact that he could have been a lot worse than he was on Sunday.

Speaking of liabilities, let's look at our records...

Tim: 2-2 (5-3 overall)

boilerdowd: 2-2 (6-2 overall)

J Money: 2-2 (5-3 overall)

Remember, the winner gets a night with boilerdowd's wife. We really should have opened this up to readers, too.

"PLAYOFFS? Don't Talk About..PLAYOFFS?"

And now that wonderful Jim Mora moment will live on with a whole new group of fans as Coors Light made use of it and made it perhaps the best version of those press conference commercials. (I especially love how at the end the guy's like, "okay, forget I brought it up.")

Anyway, we’re back for Week 2 of the NFL Playoffs, with the mediocre, drama-filled teams got bounced out last week. And appropriately so; nobody wants to see the Giants lose 41-0 at Chicago while Eli throws four picks and looks cold the whole day.

As for our picks? Well, we did well.

Tim: 3-1

Boilerdowd: 4-0

J Money: 3-1

Well, now things get interesting. There are only eight teams left and, truthfully, they’re all pretty good (well, except for the Seahawks). Last week we looked at the quarterbacks for each team so this week we’ll look at the coaches and try to figure them out.

We start with the Eagles at the Saints. Philly coach Andy Reid is a jolly-looking fellow and he falls into the “Fat Coaches” category. He looks perfectly at home in a group that would include Bill Parcells, Charlie Weis, Art Shell… you know, guys like that. However, fat coaches haven’t seemed to be that successful recently, as guys like Jon Gruden, Brian Billick, Bill Belichick and Bill Cowher have been winning Super Bowls. So I think I have to personally go against Andy Reid as a likely successful coach. What’s he saying in this picture? Well, I’m not sure. Most likely, “Bring me another connoli!”


Moving on to the Saints, they’re coached by first-year head man Sean Payton. Now, Payton was a member of Bill Parcells’ staff last year but what people forget was that the year the Giants went to the Super Bowl, Payton was relieved of his play-calling duties as offensive coordinator by Jim Fassel with about 5 or 6 games to go in the season. Not the best thing to have happen to the career of a young O-coordinator. Nevertheless, Payton appears to be saying, “Follow me, men, and I’ll lead you into the playoffs! Oh, and does anyone have any suggestions on what we run this weekend?”

The other NFC game is the Seahawks at the Bears. Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren is not exactly what you’d call a “Fat Coach,” but he’s not slim, either. In this picture, he’s shown demonstrating his mind powers that he used to make the ball slip out of Tony Romo’s hands last week. Yeah, I think he’s lost it, too. Plus he’s taking his underachieving team into Chicago. It’s hard to picture the Seahawks in the NFC title game but that’s what will happen if the Rex Grossman from about half the season shows up and throws some ugly interceptions.

And speaking of those Bears, they’ve been led very well by Coach Lovie Smith in recent years. Lovie has done a great job playing to his team’s strengths over the past two seasons. Last year, they had then-rookie Kyle Orton as their starter and this year they have inconsistent Rex. So they play up their D and try not to let the offense kill them. It’s worked very well and there’s no reason to think it won’t work again in this round of the playoffs. In his photo, Lovie appears to be on the same page with us as he shouts, “No, Rex, under no circumstances are you allowed to audible to a passing play! Nooooooooo!”

On to the AFC, where the first game we’ll discuss in the Colts at the Ravens. Colts coach Tony Dungy is a calm, effective guy but he catches a lot of flak for not winning in the playoffs. Whether you like the Colts or not, I think a lot of people will have a hard time being upset if Dungy and Peyton win it all together one day. Interestingly, in this picture, Tony appears to have a device set up where he can take play calls from “Little Tony.” I’m willing to bet it’s a draw, up the middle.

Facing Dungy will be Super Bowl-winner and all-around arrogant jackass Brian Billick. At times, especially after their Super Bowl win, Billick seemed to act as though he believed he invented the game. The truth is, his teams have always been a lot like the Bears, with an amazing defense and a suspect offense. Everyone keeps saying that this is the Ravens year because they have Steve McNair, who is far from risky. In reality, I’m not sure how much better McNair is since he can’t throw downfield very well anymore and he’s only got like one leg. Right? In his photo here, I guess Brian is angry. Either that or he’s at a rock concert.

And now we move on to the best game (at least on paper) of the weekend, Pats at Chargers. On the one side is Bill Belichick, who says little but whose picture simply says, “Check this out, bitches.” Belichick has the clear advantage as far as confidence from the players and fans, while his opponent… well, not so much. People love to talk about how amazing Belichick and Brady are and how unbeatable they are. This was the same topic in past years and in some of those years the Pats were unbeatable and then last year…they were very beatable. In fact, the amazing magical un-rattle-able quarterback Tom Brady threw a critical interception to Champ Bailey that basically allowed the Broncos – quarterbacked by Jake Plummer, I might add – to knock the vaunted Pats out of the playoffs. Sure, Belichick and Brady have had success but if you think that’s going to win them this game by itself, you’re crazy.


Almost as crazy as Marty Shottenheimer, who is either going insane or working on his faces to make at officials and opposing running backs. Marty has determined if he can make Laurence Maroney laugh really hard during a play, Laurence might just be easier to tackle. We’ll see how well this works, though. My advice would be to give the ball to LaDanian Tomlinson…a lot.

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So the picks this week from us. As I said, we went a collective 10-2 last weekend and we’re feeling smart right about now which is why the wheels will come off at this point. Here we go.

Tim:

Eagles over Saints
Bears over Seahawks
Colts over Ravens
Chargers over Patriots

Boilerdowd:

Saints over Eagles
Seahawks over Bears
Ravens over Colts
Patriots over Chargers

(Or, if you’re scoring at home, the complete, 100% opposite of Tim’s picks.)

J Money:

Saints over Eagles
Bears over Seahawks
Ravens over Colts
Chargers over Patriots

I don’t feel at all confident about the Chargers pick but I am hoping for a Chargers-Saints Super Bowl so I’ll roll the dice.

Mike Ditka Is Impressed

Mike Ditka was on ESPN Radio this morning to discuss this weekend's playoff games and at one point he was asked about how great Shawne Merriman (pictured) is. Ditka went on about how great Merriman is and how he can do "some really good things" on the football field. And then he laid this wonderful comment on us:

"You know, he's always going so fast and so pumped up, you wonder how he's not dead-tired by the second quarter."

Well, Coach Ditka, you may wonder how this is possible but we here at Boiled Sports (and perhaps 16,000 other outlets) know the real answer: Because Shawne Merriman uses performance enhancing drugs. In fact, and this is going to blow your mind Coach, Merriman was suspended for a quarter of the season after being caught with a positive test! That's like being suspended for 40 games of a baseball season! Or 20 games of an NBA season! Coach, are you there? Coach...?

This, of course, was after Ditka ripped Rex Grossman for not being prepared and making dumb comments after his season finale -- which meant nothing for the Bears, so who gives a crap?

Another topic that Ditka talked about that just tickled me was the Baltimore Ravens and their blitzing. And, despite being an old codger who believes more in grit and hustle than statistics, Coach Ditka busted out a statistic... and then sort of made himself sound silly:

"The statistics say that the Ravens blitz 33% of the time. But I'll tell ya, I think they blitz a lot more than that."

That's outstanding. This like saying "The statistics say that Jim Rice hit 382 home runs. But I'll tell ya, I think he hit more like 500 so I vote him into the hall of fame."

Statistics lie anyway.

Who knew? Gators eat nuts.

Here's photographic evidence of this weird phenomenon. Albert E. Gator is pictured here eating Brutus Buckeye. Perhaps Brutus is full of fiber...

Maybe Herbie Will Do This Again

I love how Joe Theismann won't make predictions on games he's going to be calling and how Kirk Herbstreit also does that sort of thing when a huge OSU game is coming up and he's doing College GameDay.

Herbstreit, who has been pointed out as getting more and more arrogant recently, always plays it buttoned-up and "professional" when he's next to professional clown Lee Corso yet during the 2002 National Title Game, Kirk and Eddie George made quite the cute couple in this picture. I mean, Kirk is literally jumping for joy as OSU pulls off the upset of Miami.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I was pulling for OSU to take down that criminal-ridden University, too (of course, we learned a lot about OSU's off-the-field activities after that). But Kirk almost makes me want to root against them.

Anyway, tonight is the National Championship game on Fox, of all places. I haven't spoken directly to my colleagues here but I would venture to guess that none of us give Florida a chance in this game. I mean, sure, everybody's got a chance -- and with almost two months off, anything can happen -- but how good could Florida be? They'd have to be pretty damn good to beat OSU.

Besides, Florida has had more time to prepare for OSU... or, wait....less time? Hmm, maybe Barry Alvarez can help clear this up:




Gee, that doesn't clear up anything at all. Even Barry sounds confused as he says it. Florida has an advantage because they had less time to prepare? Or their extra games gave them... more "preparation"? I don't get it.

Either way, OSU wins.

I Blew It For The Giants

Let me explain.

Because I dislike the Cowboys so much and enjoy seeing Bill Parcells mad (and apparently, deaf -- did anyone else see his press conference?), I used all my hex mojo up on Saturday night. I was truly sad when the refs said Witten had the first down at the one-yard-line when I thought there was no way he got there. I also didn't realize that spots could be reviewed, but I was thrilled when it turned out to be fourth down for the Cowgirls.

But then they lined up for an easy field goal to win the game, and so I hoped they'd screw it up or get blocked. And they did screw it up. Or, more accurately, prematurely annointed football god Tony Romo screwed it up. ("Hey, come on, guys! The ball is slippery!")

So when the Giants and Eagles came down to a last-second field goal, I must have not had any mojo left to put the hex on the Eagles. Interestingly, the Eagles winning field goal was a non-gimme (37 yards) and it was raining. And presumably they, too, used to "K" balls that are suddenly a topic of discussion. Yet Koy Detmer (who knew he was still in the league?) held perfectly and David Akers ended the Giants stellar 8-9 season. Oh well.

In Boiled Sports news, however, we actually did okay with our picks. Tim and I both went 3-1 and boilerdowd cleaned up at 4-0. Nicely done, gents.

Since we did a QB photo-compare last week, I'm thinking later this week we'll do a coaches comparison. Then maybe the week after we'll look at mascots or logos or something. By the Super Bowl we'll be evaluating the teams' choice of jockstraps. Good times ahead.

Nothing Like Hard-Nosed Playoff Football in 50-Degree Weather

Who knows what's going to happen in the NFL playoffs, which begin this weekend? Nobody, that's who. But it doesn't stop everyone and their brother from making "predictions." Nobody knew who the hell would make the playoffs to begin with but now we all think we can tell you what's going to happen.

Well, we don't really think we know anything but we're going to do it anyway. Our picks come at the end of the post. But let's talk about the QBs we get to see lead their teams this weekend.

Let's start with Peyton Manning, he of the much-maligned Colts. Sure, Peyton has a reputation for never being able to win the big one. However, he's still a likable guy and darn it if he isn't funny in those commercials!

Nevertheless, the questions now are whether his window has closed. I don't think it has and I think he's the kind of guy who will win one when nobody thinks he has a chance. This year? I doubt it. But there shouldn't be any problem getting past the Chiefs, since Herman Edwards is at the helm and, hey, this is Super Peyton we're talking about.

We all seem to agree that the Colts should prevail in their first playoff game, which would be one more than they won last season, despite the fact that it looks like Peyton is thinking of wearing a suit to the game. Silly, Peyton, just silly.

Peyton will be playing against Trent Green and the aforementioned Herm-led Chiefs of Kansas City. It took me a while to even remember who the Chiefs QB was since Larry Johnson is really the engine that makes the KC crew go. Of course, he's carried the ball roughly 487,550 times this season so he might be a tad worn down. To the left, by the way, is Trent re-enacting his preseason knee injury in '99 that paved the way for Kurt Warner to become the legend and future Hall of Famer that he is. Hello? Kurt?

Up in Seattle, Matt Hasselbeck will be in front of his home crowd and have Shaun Alexander to hand the ball off to. Sure, Matt has a milk mustache in this picture and has a cue-ball looking head, but he did make it all the way to the Super Bowl last year while playing in a city that never seems to win anything and wearing some of the ugliest uniforms ever seen.

I don't have much else to say about Hasselbeck since I practically never see him play. Of course, when my Giants played the 'Hawks early in the season, it was a rout in favor of Seattle. And last year, Jay Feely handed the Seahawks a win up there. And then they played a competitive Super Bowl. Yet I can't remember Hasselbeck doing anything noteworthy. Is that good or bad?

Sauntering in to face Mr. Hasselbeck will be the Cowboys, let by *cough cough* Pro-Bowler Tony Romo, he of the eight pro starts.

It seems like everyone thinks Mr. Romo's going to lead his dysfunctional Cowboys to glory, maybe because they all think Parcells is some kind of genius.

He's really, not, though.

However, if Tony carries this metallic head out there with him, who knows what might happen. (It's like a doll -- he carries it everywhere.)


On Sunday, Eli Manning will be facing the Eagles team he's already faced twice this season. As you can see from this photo, Eli is the only one who showed up for the Boiled Sports photo shoot and insisted on taking off his shirt. He's so vain.

But after looking at his sculpted body, how could you every doubt him?

Seriously, though, look at this dude -- how has he not been broken in half yet?

Nobody seems to think the Giants even deserve to be in the playoffs but, hey, all those of you who think parity is so great -- here's what you get. A crappy, 8-8 team, that actually could make a run.

Sure, Philly's on a tear right now but they're relying on...Jeff Garcia to lead them to the promised land.

And speaking of Mr. Garcia... he's just damn happy to have a job again. And, really, it's a good thing he's playing well because those fans in Philly might literally perform a hate-crime on him if he wasn't any good.

Philly went from "season over" to division winners in a matter of weeks. How long can Garcia keep them hot? Could be another month, could be not another week. You never can tell with the NFC.

One thing we can tell, though -- Jeff Garcia is a handsome man and a snappy dresser.

For the J-E-T-S, JetsJetsJets, it's Chad Pennington back at the helm. Everyone in New York keeps waiting for Chad's arm to come off but it hasn't yet and the Jets cobbled together a 10-6 season after I said they wouldn't win four games all year. As with all things in life, you should never listen to me.

Chad's so fearless, he even came to our photo shoot wearing parachute pants. Who among you would have had the cojones to do that?

Do the Jets really have a chance against the big, bad Patriots in Foxboro? Well, I am inclined to say no because I don't think the Jets are contractually allowed to come up big in big spots anymore. I think Joe Namath's deal with Satan forbids it.

And this brings us to Tom Brady. He's just handsome, folks. And we all know that handsome beats not handsome every time. Except when you're trying to bang Britney.

Poor Tom Brady, though. With no decent receivers to throw to this season, he had to pick up a side job as a fashion model. Tsk, tsk.

An important point to think about -- Brady and his gal Bridget Moynahan broke up recently so will he be A) focused on the playoffs with no chick to distract him or B) unfocused because he can now chase all the scattered tail around New England? Hard to say.

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So what do we all think? Well, I think it'll be fun to see how we all do against one another picking the playoff games. We're picking them straight up, not against the points or anything like that. Each week, we'll post what we think will happen and what everybody's records are, just like a lame-ass studio show or someone who calls themself "The Schwami" would do.

Tim:
Colts over Chiefs
Cowboys over Seahawks
Patriots over Jets
Eagles over Giants

Tim's Comment: I hate the NFL is the big winner this week though.

boilerdowd:
Colts over Chiefs
Seahawks over Cowboys
Patriots over Jets
Eagles over Giants

boilerdowd's Comment: The Colts are better than the Chiefs, the Cowboys and Giants backed their way into the playoffs and the Pats are just better than the Jets...I'm sure I'll be wrong on at least half of these.

J Money:
Colts over Chiefs
Seahawks over Cowboys
Patriots over Jets
Giants over Eagles

J Money's Comment: Herm Edwards in a playoff game? Ha! Tony Romo making his first playoff start up in noisy Seattle? Ha! The Jets ever doing something I predict correctly? Ha! The Eagles winning with Jeff Garcia? Ha!

Allow Me To Pile On to Fat Charlie

I think each of us want to take our turn on this, sort of like the line that forms in the movie Airplane where everyone wants to smack the woman who's freaking out.

Let's turn our attention to class act Charlie Weis, who always manages to take responsibility while at the same time pointing out who's not to blame for their lousy performance.

First, before the game, I love this interaction from the ballcoach.

When asked what it would take for ND to stay in the ballgame, he reacted with this:

"Hold on. We're not coming here to be competitive. I mean, let's take a timeout. I don't even want to answer a question about coming here to be competitive and staying in it to the end. If you want to rephrase the question to, 'What's it going to take to win the game?' I'll address it."

Okay, so Charlie has clearly moved into Bob Knight territory where he's going to tell us what to ask and which questions are stupid and so forth. Except that most questions like that are based in fact and, as it turned out, were totally justified! And since Fat Charlie obviously didn't have an answer in the second half last night, he should have stopped his answer above at "Hold on. We're not coming here to be competitive."

Now we move onto Charlie's ability to throw his pretty-boy QB under the bus. We've seen him do it before in postgame press conferences, wherein he claims to take responsibility for a loss but simultaneously intimates that someone else could be to blame if he felt so inclined. This is sort of like saying "Sure, we would have won the pickup basketball game if Tim didn't brick all his three-pointer attempts and if b-dowd could get a rebound, but really, I'll take the responsibility." Oh, wait, is that example too accurate? Let's see.

From the story on last night's game:

"I don't think he [Quinn] was the biggest problem, though," Weis said. "That's the problem. The quarterback is the easiest one to blame. Hey, I'm the head coach. I'll gladly sit there and take the bullets for the team. But the quarterback is the easiest one to look at when you say, 'Well, he's 15-for-35.'

"It would be nice to sit here and say he laid an egg, but that's hardly the case."

It would? It would "be nice" to say he laid an egg??? Weis is basically saying here, "Well, if my quarterback could have won this game despite our inferior talent, I'd be sitting here making arrogant, witty comments to you assembled media and be shining up my crown as king of college football coaches. But I can't since he sucked tonight and since I'm the head coach I guess I have to say it's sorta my fault."

I mean, I can't believe I'm defending Brady Quinn but, really, the guy does what he can. He's got one good receiver who will probably be snapped in half in the NFL and, well, can you name their starting RBs?

Some final thoughts on this BCS-worthy (?) bowl team:

• ND has given up 1200 yards of offense in their last two bowl games
• Their last bowl victory was in 1994. Thirteen years ago. Brady Quinn was 9.
• Putting ND into this BCS bowl game makes about as much sense as the NBA saying, "Okay, well, at the end of the season, we're going to have the Knicks play the Bulls for the Eastern Conference Finals simply because, you know, New York teams draw well." These bowls mean nothing except to those who love (or hate) the teams playing.
• No confirmation yet on whether or not Notre Dame will be scheduling each military academy three times each next season.
• As bad as Purdue's football program is getting, they were only two wins behind ND this year.

The sweet, sweet taste of defeat.

It makes me feel better now that Notre Dame has been blown out again in a bowl game. Yes, Purdue is el sucko, but it's somehow more tolerable knowing that the greatest football coach in the world still cannot lead the greatest college football team ever to a bowl victory.

I love you Fat Tuna! Brady Quinn, you're my hero! Surely the referees were against you last night. What else could possibly explain how you didn't win that game? Nothing! You're obviously the most talented team in the world. You would win the Super Bowl without even having to show up... so why does God seek to put you in the bowl desert for 9 years? Oh Notre Dame, why art though forsaken?

I'll tell you why. You're just not good. You have a few talented players, but in general you're over-hyped and over-rated. You have a fat TV contract that makes the media practically fall over themselves talking about how great you are. You're not great. You're mediocre. You'll never be dominant. You may win a championship again, but you won't be a big power anymore. The faster you get used to it the more happy you will be.

Sheer Genius!

As a consolation prize to all of those who hate UND almost as much as they love their alma mater, Resident Genius, and all-around handsome dude, Charlie Weis led his Irish to a valiant Sugar Bowl effort.

LSU 41 UND 14

Thanks coach, this game will keep me warm all winter long.

In other news, Purdue's men's basketball teams reminded us of the bad ole days by losing to the horrendous Minnesota Golden Gophers. Thank God I'm still drunk in the post-UND-loss elixer...or Painter's teams effort might really bother me.

"I'm not going to be the Alabama coach."

Nick Saban threw a hissy fit when asked if he would leave the Dolphins to become Alabama's HC...

Nice job Nick! You join the ranks of other class acts like Rick Neuheisel & Gary Barnett by lying directly to people and holding onto that lie as long as you could!

Well played.

Oh by the way, champ, you're still winless versus Joe Tiller.

It's Ass-tastic!

If you're a frequenter of the various non-mainstream sports sites, you may very well be aware of assgate. It seems that on New Year's Day, during the Rose Bowl, one of the USC Song Girls twirled around and, well, she appeared to not have any drawers on. Now, you can draw your own conclusions (and they are fun to think about) but the facts are thre facts. You can see her hiney.

What's great is that across the blogosphere, such as it is, people have been talking about it, commenting on it, lauding it, thanking her, etc. And some have begun their own investigation as to who, precisely, we all have to thank for making the Rose Bowl that much...rosier. No, this isn't original content, but if you're a loyal reader of our site and not some of these others, you need to look.

Awful Announcing began the ball rolling and Deadspin picked it up right away. They continued today with further analysis, including commentary on another USC Song Girl with an "equally-muscled undercarriage."

Other girls became possibilities, and I highly encourage you to go to this link and then visit the links of the Song Girls themselves on USC's site. These are some sexy cheerleaders but, hell, it's Southern California.

Ultimately, it appears the general consensus is that the Song Girl with the remarkably elastic derriere is "Megan." No idea if this is a stage name or not.

Regardless, I hope Megan puts this on her resume/CV because this might be the thing she's most famous for in her life.

Hopefully, This Is Run Better Than The Team

So it appears that U.S. Airways management has collectively lost their marbles. Pictures here is not the team plane for the Arizona Cardinals. No, no... it's a regular ole commercial jet for U.S. Airways.

According to Deadspin and Home and Away Magazine:

"US Airways has caught football fever with the release of the newly painted US Airways Arizona Cardinals plane. The Airbus A319 plane incorporates the Cardinals logo and colors with the US Airways name and stylized flag appearing on the fuselage."

Wow. Just...wow. I'm not sure which joke to make... so it can be a choose your own adventure kind of post.

• U.S. Airways also announced that the flight would have a successful landing rate (winning percentage) of just .365.
  
• "Hi, this is your captain, Matt Leinart. After I finish this fifth of vodka and nail this stewardess, we'll get moving."
  
• This airline is who we thought they were.
  
• Airline officials lamented the fact that while they felt confident that every August would yeild high hopes for the airline, it's expected that they won't fill any seats after December of each year.